


Melting the ice block

by Kuya



Category: Bleach
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bordering on Non-Con, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, M/M, Mental Instability, Slow Romance, Yaoi, dub-con, traumatic past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 09:10:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 74,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2019378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuya/pseuds/Kuya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuchiki Byakuya is one solid block of ice. He is stoic, proud, incredibly stubborn and has inhumane self-control. But there is a lot more to him than meets the eye. Will Renji be able to push past the wall of defenses the other man has set up and is he even prepared for what lies behind the facade?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Taichou In A Foul Mood

**Author's Note:**

> I am note quite sure where this story is headed yet, I kind of just plan to write as it comes to me. So be patient and bare with me as I blabber on and on :-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, I merely write in this wonderful world Tite Kubo has created.

Renji had always known that Byakuya was a difficult man to love. Extremely difficult even. Not only was the fickle noble the most prideful and strict being Renji had ever had the pleasure of associating with but also did he have the nerve-wracking tendency to close off all of his emotions and hide them behind an ever-present mask of indifference. However, having worked with the man for years, Renji had become an expert at reading him and deducing his feelings from a barely visible twitch of an eyebrow, a slight widening of the eyes or even just from the tension of his body. It was something Renji was rather proud of as the number of people who could read Byakuya like he could could be counted on one hand.

So Renji had felt precisely that for a few weeks now, Byakuya had been in a bad mood and everyone in the division had begun to walk on eggshells around the captain. Renji, however, who seemed to have become the main outlet for Byakuyas anger and who did not remember having done anything to piss his taichou off to such an extent (well, sure, he had overslept a few times in the past weeks but this was hardly a rarity and Byakuya had seemed to begin to resign to the fact that Renji was and would continue to be a tardy person), slowly began to lose his temper. There was only so much he could take. Even from Byakuya, his secret, unrequited love.

“Kuchiki taichou have I done something to anger you?” Renji finally mouthed, the question nobody had dared to speak out loud for the last few weeks. The raven haired man stilled his hand that was currently composing a report to the head commander Yamamoto to shoot a glance at Renji before devoting his attention back to the file before him. “No” he replied. “No, you have not”.

Renji waited but as it became clear that Byakuya would offer no further explanation, he blurted out: “Then why have ya been in such a foul mood for the past few days?” At that, Byakuya's head snapped, his eyes fixing the redhead, sparkling dangerously. “Excuse me?!” The redhead flinched visibly under the piercing gaze of his captain, but he refused to back down: “Just wanted ta know why you seemed a little down in the dumps”, he said, suppressing the urge to shrug his shoulders. “I am not in the least feeling ‘down in the dumps’, as you put it, Renji, thank you very much”, Byakuya declared dignified and ended the conversation right there as he took up the letter again he had been writing before. 

Renji sighed. ‘Way ta go, Byakuya. Would it really be so bad to seek advice and accept help once in a while? It won’t kill ya you know? It’s fairly obvious that something is on yer mind.’ Letting out another sigh, Renji, too, began to tackle the stack of paper work that needed doing and that, unfortunately, would not do itself if left alone (a tactic, Renji had to admit, he had tried before. The only result being a few sleepless nights in a row as his captain had personally supervised him catching up on his paper work. He had not been allowed to leave the office until every single paper had been dealt with and had found the consent of his taichou).

The next day, everything went back to normal. All the shinigami in the sixth breathed a sigh of relief and life began to unroll normally again in the sixth as Byakuya returned to his old self.

Only Renji was not fooled one bit. The signs were weaker now, almost undetectable, but the redhead could still see a hint of irritation flicker through those dark grey eyes whenever their gaze met and the line of his mouth was ever so slightly too tight, revealing unusual tension. 

After having racked his brain fruitlessly, Renji decided that a few drinks might loosen his captain’s tongue. He remembered that tonight was supposed to be a birthday party for Kyoraku taichou, where there was guaranteed to be enough sake for his purposes. He cleared his throat and called out to the man sitting across the office: “Hey, ehm taichou, … you know … that there is supposed to be a party for Kyoraku taichou tonight?” “Yes”, came the cool answer. “Well … I wondered … if you might be up fer going? I mean … the both of us, you and me?” Renji blushed lightly at his own words.  
“What are you doing, Rrenji?” Byakuya asked quietly. Renji’s blush deepened. “Nothing”, he stuttered. “Just thought that ya could use the time off and the food and drinks were supposed ta be very good and that it’s kind of a big social event where one should show himself …” with a quick glance at his captain he quickly corrected himself “… not that it is very bad when you don’t show up …”. Disrupting Renji’s rambling, Byakuya mused: “Why not? I could do without having to dine with the clan today.” Lost in thought, his brows twitched slightly, causing him to frown for the fraction of a second. Well there seems to be at least part of the root for his taichou’s mood lately, Renji thought, ‘some sake to drown your sorrows is exactly what ya need!’


	2. Kyouraku's Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji and Byakuya attend the party...and there are some interesting turn of events...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here comes the second chapter:-) I know the chapters are pretty short, I plan to lengthen them some more in the future!

The party had already advanced wide into the night. Everywhere passed out bodies lay scattered around, those still conscious were doing their best to forfeit this condition by continuing to gulp down incredible amounts of booze, sake and some stronger stuff. It was incredibly loud and Renji and Byakuya, too, had gotten rid of the initial awkwardness with a few drinks. They stood together in a corner and had to lean in and scream at each other to communicate. 

“AND THEN”, Renji shouted, “HISAGI STOOD THERE – WITHOUT HIS HAKAMA!!” Renji burst out into roaring laughter, while the corner of Byakuya’s mouth twitched softly. This display of emotion was proof of just how much the raven haired man had already drunk, the subtle glow on his cheek another. Exactly at this moment Renji, who had been distracted wiping tears of laughter off his face, was pushed from behind by a drunkard searching desperately for the exit. With an undignified yelp Renji fell forward – right into his taichou’s arms – sending both of them tumbling to the ground, Renji landing softly on the noble. 

Brown eyes stared into equally stupefied grey ones. After what seemed like an eternity, Renji felt something against his left leg. Something hard. Renji’s eyes widened in utter surprise and his mouth formed an inaudible ‘o’. Under him, Byakuya’s cheeks got dusted in a very light pink. BLUSHED. BYAKUYA fucking KUCHIKI BLUSHED under Renji while his HARD LENGH pressed up against him. Renji’s brain circuited from the overload of stimulation, having imagined similar situations more than just a few times in the privacy of his chamber, and he acted merely on impulse. Before the noble could react, Renji had already pressed his lips hard against his own. 

Renji was KISSING him. Byakuya wanted to do the most self-evident thing and smack the living daylights out of Renji. But luckily, just as he was about to do so, his alcohol-fogged mind was reminded by a loud crash of glass shattering paired with some serious cursing that they were not alone and that such an action would definitively result in some undesired attention and consequences. They were beyond lucky that all the other party guests were too out of it to notice and care what was going on before their eyes. Never would the noble allow himself to be caught in such a compromising position with someone, least of all his lieutenant. Not over his dead body. He thus had to consent himself with restraining Renji with a powerful, yet hardly detectable, kudo spell. The rope-like restraints wound themselves around Renji at an impressive speed and as they contracted, the sudden pain caused Renji to moan and finally release Byakuya’s mouth.  
“Why did ya have ta go an’ do that?” Renji pouted, his usual more hidden Rukongai accent enforced by the blurriness of his words. “Get. Off. Of. Me.” Byakuya whispered. “Now!” His eyes were wide, bigger than Renji had ever seen them, and despite the death glare that he was given, for a brief moment he thought to see something like fear in those deep depths. ‘Fear?’ Renji shook his head in confusion. He really had had too much to drink. Then he realized in which situation he still found himself and his attention snapped back to Byakuya. More jumping than standing up, Renji got to his feet as quickly as he could, the look in Byakuya’s eyes more terrifying than he had ever seen it. The fear he felt now, though dulled by his alcohol-numbed brain, was nothing compared to when he had faced Byakuya in a fight to the death to save Rukia. The noble, for his part, slowly rose to his feet. “Should you ever”, he spoke, his voice still not above a whisper, “I repeat EVER dare to do such a … thing to me again … remember that this will be the last thing you will ever do.” And with that he left, leaving behind a quivering Renji.


	3. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji wakes up with a hangover and gradually remembers last night's events. Afterwards, he goes to confront the noble...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes another chapter of 'Melting the ice block'. If you have any wishes for the story or have feedback for my writing, please feel encouraged to leave a comment :-)

The next morning, Renji felt thoroughly knocked out. He groaned loudly, holding onto his head that was absolutely killing him and blinking into the bright light of day. “Been a while since I've gotten this shit-faced”, he muttered to himself as he got up and into the shower “and seems like I’ve overslept once again.” He sighed. “Really don’t feel like getting lectured first thing in the morning.” Renji began to relax under the hot stream and as the water ran down the lines of his muscular body, more and more memories from the previous evening came rushing back to him. “Holy shit”, Renji whispered. “This can’t be happening! This can’t have happened! He's going ta kill me! He’s going ta go all Senbonsakura on my ass! I am so dead!” 

He rambled on when it suddenly hit him: Byakuya had been all blushing and hard under him! In face of the death threat that detail had totally escaped him before. ‘Doesn’t that technically mean that he likes me? Or not? Was that just a physical reaction?' No, this was Byakuya he was was talking about, the very incarnation of self-control. Kuchiki Byakuya did not simply blush under every man. So the other man did seem to hold some kind of special feelings for him. And thinking about it, him still being alive after what happened yesterday actually already was a small miracle in itself. He had kissed THE Kuchiki Byakuya and had gotten away with it! Thinking a step further, this could also have been the reason his taichou had been in such a miserable mood these past few weeks. Maybe he held feelings for his fukutaichou, he for some reason felt he could not admit.

The thoughts still swirled around in his head as he made his way to the office he shared with his taichou. Renji was not sure if he should bring the previous evening up or if he should just avoid the topic altogether. Expecting to not only get away with his life but also get the noble to talk about any feelings he might hold for the redhead seemed like a damn tall order. Especially keeping in mind the not-so subtle death threat he had received the night before. On the other hand, he had now been in love with the noble for years. He had suppressed those feelings because he had not imagined in his wildest dreams that they could be mutual. Now, however, that reciprocation seemed like a real possibility, there was no way he could back down again. ‘So I'm really goin' to do this’, Renji thought. ‘I 'm going to confess to Kuchiki Byakuya, the captain of the sixth division and probably the most uptight and prideful man in all of Seireitei.’

Deciding that attack might be the best defense in this case, he took a deep breath, knocked at the office door and entered without waiting for a reply. Inside, Byakuya gave him the barest of glances to acknowledge his presence. "So you did decide to honor us with your presence sometime today, Renji.", the noble commented sourly. "Do you know what time it is?" Rubbing the back of his neck nervously, the redhead apologized: "Sorry, taichou. I kind of overslept… again…" - "I can see that", came the cool reply. 

Renji remained silent, waiting for his taichou to bring up yesterday’s events. But nothing of the sort happened. "Renji, what are you doing?", his taichou voiced, one eyebrow raised, as the redhead continued to just stand there. "Your work is hardly going to do itself. You have a squad to supervise. Although going by the incredible noise outside, they have already begun training without you", the noble added, curling his lips disapprovingly. 

Renji felt heat rise into his head. He wracked his brains on what to say, not wanting to leave things as they were. It was now or never. But how should he come to speak about yesterday without offending the prideful man? ‘Hey, taichou, what was up with you getting hard yesterday with me lying on top of you?’ did not seem like the smartest approach. Not if he wanted to live to see tomorrows sunrise. Finally deciding that he was just not suited for delicacy, he opted for a direct, yet slightly more subtle approach:

“Uh, taichou?”, he broke the silence that had settled over them. “What is it, Renji?” Byakuya did not look up from the paper he had resumed writing. “Well, I… Uh… that is about yesterday…” the redhead started. At the mentioning of yesterday’s events, Byakuya’s hand stilled immediately. Renji licked his lips nervously. Now he had to choose his next words extremely carefully, paying attention to the noble’s pride or he would quickly find himself on the wrong end of senbonsakura.

“Yesterday”, he began once more, “I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I’m pretty sure…” 

“Renji”, the noble cut him off mid-sentence, his voice ice cold, “You are not to mention yesterday to me. Do you understand, Renji?” 

“I can’t do that”, the redhead dared to protest. 

“Abarai. I don’t like to repeat myself.” The noble’s voice took on a threatening edge. 

“I love you, sir”, Renji burst out. “And after yesterday, I think that you might feel the same way about me”, he continued. 

“Well you are mistaken. Rest assured that your feelings are unreturned as much as they are unwanted.” Byakuya replied, his voice hard, betraying no emotion whatsoever. 

Renji was deeply wounded by his taichou’s words. Still, Renji would not be Renji if he gave up so easily. ‘You will have to do worse than to throw verbal knives at me if you want to get rid of me, Byakuya’, he thought grimly. He observed the noble closely and Renji’s sharp eyes discovered the tense line of the other man’s jaw despite his lowered head and noticed the hand that still hovered motionlessly above the unfinished paper, ink dripping from the brush onto the paper. The brush was being gripped so tightly that the knuckles were turning white. ‘Liar’, Renji thought, silently pleased. 

“I love you”, he repeated. This time, he saw Byakuya flinch slightly. Otherwise, the noble remained silent. Somewhat encouraged, Renji slowly made his way to his taichou’s desk, his eyes never leaving the raven haired, who in turn refused to meet the other man’s gaze, even as Renji came to stand directly in front of his desk. Renji took a deep breath and slowly reached out to his taichou’s hand, taking the brush and gently placing it into its little box at the side of the table. “Don’t want the ink to spread all over the document, do we, taichou?”, He asked in a low, teasing murmur. Byakuya did not reply and had, in fact, not moved an inch since Renji had started approaching his desk. Renji, who had watched the noble intently the whole time, noticed the faint color that had crept into his taichou’s cheeks.

Grinning triumphantly, Renji turned on his heels and stomped out of the office to commence some drilling exercises with the rest of the squad. But as the door fell shut behind him, Renji sobered up somewhat. ‘Hell, even if he really does love me, I still have to make him give in and admit his feelings. And it sure looks like I’ll have a hell of a time doing that.’ He sighed.

\--

As the day went on, Renji became more and more convinced that he must have been out of his mind to confess to Kuchiki Byakuya! “What the FUCK was I thinking?”, he groaned. “Would’ve been a hell of a lot easier to just feed myself to the hollows. At least death would have come quicker and less painful this way”, he thought sarcastically. He was so dead. Nobody confessed to Kuchiki Byakuya and walked away unharmed. Especially not after having touched said person previously. ‘I might as well request a transfer and hope that he’ll be satisfied with that rather than feeling the need to kill me.’

Renji once again made his way to their shared office. He knocked and this time waited until he was greeted by a calm “Come in, Renji”. So far so good. Renji entered and started: “ Taichou, before ya do anything, I want to…”-“There is a last-minute captain’s and lieutenant’s meeting we have to attend. We shall depart immediately”, Byakuya cut him off. He then rose from his chair, smoothened his haori and strode past a completely baffled Renji, who had to take a quick side step to avoid colliding with the noble.

On the way to the meeting, the thoughts swirled in the redhead’s head. ‘What the fuck is going on? He’s behaving like absolutely nothing has happened between us. Like I didn’t invade his personal space and all. He shot a glance at the man walking in front of him. Then it dawned on him: ‘Ya must really like me, huh, taichou?’ Normally even LOOKING at the man the wrong way could lead to the stubborn noble feeling insulted and might very well end in more than a verbal fight. Renji had that seen happening more than once, the most recent example being what had happened between Kenpachi and Byakuya in Hueco Mundo.

So the problem here was that Byakuya for some reason was unable to accept his own feelings, let alone express them. Well, good thing he had decided long ago that he would go down fighting for his taichou. Though at that time, he had had a different kind of fighting in mind. 'At least this new kind is sure to be equally deadly', he thought laconically. 

\--

During the next few weeks, Renji gave his best to introduce harmless, subtle intimacies into the association with his taichou. One day, he made their fingers meet when accepting a division report to the headmaster, another, he leaned into Byakuya’s personal space when discussing requisition forms. Each time, Renji managed to provoke a slight reaction. His taichou would either flinch ever so slightly, his eyes would widen a fraction in what Renji guessed to be shock, or he would simply freeze for a moment. But other than that, Byakuya did not comment on his fukutaichou’s behavior. Hence, Renji got more and more confident in the noble’s feelings for him.

And with his confidence, his boldness grew as well. ‘Time to take things to a new level’, he decided. The next morning, when he sat face to face with his taichou to discuss the progress of the new recruits, Renji summoned all his courage and leaned forward to place his hand lightly over Byakuya’s. 

“Renji.” 

“Taichou?” 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Byakuya’s voice was completely void of emotion. 

“I’m holding your hand, sir.”, Renji confirmed, flashing Byakuya a smile. 

“Let go immediately”, Byakuya demanded, still calm. 

“But you like it”, Renji dared to protest. The responding murderous glare made Renji let go, nevertheless. The message was clear: ‘Let go or lose a limb. “You did like it, though”, he grumbled as he turned away. But as he left, he could not suppress another grin. Despite having refused so vigorously, once again a pink dust had settled on pale skin.


	4. Even Kuchiki Byakuya Is Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the attack of the quincy, Byakuya returns to his division, barely healed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a time gap of several months between this chapter and the last. The story resumes after the attack of the quincy. 
> 
> Small spoiler alert: Don't read if you haven't read until chapter 500 in the manga.

Renji once again checked on Byakuya’s desk, making sure for the fourth time that everything was exactly the way his taichou liked it. The stake of paperwork that needed doing was on the right side of the table, arranged from most to least urgent. The mahogany brush and the ornated inkwell were placed beside the stake, ready to be used. Today was the day his taichou would come back to duty after weeks of absence. Seretei had been in a state of pure chaos during the last few months after the attack of the quinchy. So many people had died. Now, after the defeat of Yhwach, Seireitei slowly returned back to the state it had been in before the attack.

Renji had been worried sick for his captain. He had awoken in the middle of the night screaming his taichou’s name more than once after having replayed in his dream again the scene of Byakuya being cut down by his own bankai. The noble still being alive was a miracle and entirely due to the zero division and their healing techniques. Needless to say, he was extremely relieved that today normalcy would resume again in the sixth and that they would have their captain back safe and sound.

Suddenly, the noise outside multiplied, shouts and whistles sounded. Despite his sternness, zero tolerance for anything but top performances and almost fussy sticking to the rules, Kuchiki Byakuya was well-liked by his division, worshipped by some even. So the whole squad was enthusiastically celebrating the return of their captain. Renji straightened and hurried to take stance beside the door as he heard familiar steps approaching the office. He opened the door and flashed the smaller man a huge smile. “Good to have ya back, taichou!”, he grinned. 

Byakuya gave him a court nod and entered, immediately steering towards his desk. “Did something noteworthy happen during my absence?”, he asked, inspecting the pile on his desk. ‘Right back to business, huh taichou?’ Renji snorted. “Nothing ya need to concern yourself with, taichou. The sixth had few casualties in the attack compared to other divisions, as would be expected of your squad. We are well on our way ta recovery. The few spaces that had opened were filled with new recruits. I have filled in the forms and have showed the new members how we do things around here. Ya merely need ta sign the applications and maybe take a look at ‘t recruits in this afternoon’s training session?” 

The last bit came out like a question. Renji was not sure how well Byakuya was feeling already. He was well aware of the fact that the noble should have rested at the fourth at least one more week, but that his stubbornness and his pride had not allowed him to do so. The man HAD nearly died, even if looking at him now, nobody would think it. On the other hand, it would be very good, if not essential for the squad’s morale to see their captain and have him watch over their training. They had been worried for him as well, and just the mere presence of Kuchiki Byakuya was more motivation for rigorous training that anything else. 

“I will be there, thank you, Renji”, Byakuya said, his tone making it clear that he would not tolerate back talking. “And please do not handle me with kid gloves. I have had enough of that already. I am perfectly capable of deciding what I can handle and what I cannot.” 

“Hai, taichou”.

Renji watched Byakuya as he began to catch up with the division’s paperwork. He had lost weight and because he had always had a slim figure, he now looked almost fragile. But Renji did not fool himself; the captain was anything but weak. Even now he could probably take on most of the shinigami in the Seireitei and he was still by far the most powerful man in the sixth.  
\--  
In the afternoon, Byakuya stayed true to his words and really did make an appearance on the training grounds. He did not participate in the fighting, but his presence alone had a big impact. Everyone straightened unconsciously and while the old members merely looked intimidated, the new ones looked outright terrified. 

Renji grinned at his member’s reactions and nodded into the noble’s direction. They reminded him of his first day here at the sixth and made him realize how even now, after having been captain for so many years, Byakuya was still as imposing and unapproachable as ever. At least from an outsider’s perspective. Renji allowed himself another smirk. 

Over the last few months, the two had grown closer together. They had not actually in fact kissed, but the noble now tolerated holding hands and other chaste touches. They had, however, never actually talked about this thing happening between them. Every time Renji had started a new attempt, the noble had recoiled or evaded him. Renji took it that he simply was not ready yet. Renji was a patient man and what was between them now was already far more than he had ever hoped for. 

Also, a few times when he had tried to take things a step further, he had seen a glint of fear in the noble’s eyes, despite the noble’s best efforts to keep him from noticing. Renji did not understand the meaning of this, and as much as he wanted the noble to confide in him and talk to him about it, he had no choice but to wait until Byakuya felt safe enough and chose to do so himself. All he could do right now was to show the noble that he would not force him into anything and make him feel safe with him. Naturally without implying that the other man was in need of protection in any way. That would definitely end in a few severed limbs at best. Renji snorted. Then he forced himself to revert his attention back to his squad, banning all thoughts of his taichou out of his head for the meantime.  
\--  
A few hours later, Renji stuck his head into the office to inform his taichou that he would retire for the day. Most of the other members of the squad had already retired. Byakuya, however, made no sign of leaving at all. “Uh, taichou”, Renji started, “Just wanted ta let you know that I’m finishing for today.” 

“Good night, Renji”, came the calm reply. A clear dismissal. But Renji hesitated, not knowing if he should say something. ‘It’s ‘s first day back, he shouldn’t overdo it. And knowing him, he probably has some kind of crazy ambition like to catch up with weeks of paperwork in one day.’ 

“Taichou … maybe ya should call it a night as well? I mean … not to overdo it on yer first day and all…” the redhead voiced tentatively. 

“I am perfectly fine, Renji.” Byakuya glanced over to him, his eyes sparkling warningly. He was clearly offended. Renji backpedaled: “As you say, taichou”.

Byakuya rose to his feet and Renji automatically took a step back. But whatever the noble had intended to do, it did not come to it. Renji, who had fixed his gaze on the raven’s face, saw tiny pearls of sweat forming on his forehead. Confused, he took a closer look and could see that the other man was swaying ever so slightly. And this was all the warning he got as his taichou all but collapsed. The only thing preventing him from landing ungently on the floor was Renji’s presence of mind, which caused him to flash-step and catch his taichou in his arms.


	5. Long Way Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya has collapsed and Renji now faces the dilemma of how to get his taichou home without offending said man's prickly pride...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by a scene from the fanfic 'Three parts dead', written by Kira Douji and Gali. I absolutely loved the scene (in fact loved the whole damn thing) and thought it was perfect and wanted to use something similar in my fic. It is such a great scene that it is worth being picked up again in my opinion. Any credit, of course, goes to Kira and Gali for their awesome work!
> 
> And if you haven't read their fic, you absolutely have to do so. It is a must for every ByaRen or RenBya fan. GO NOW, my fic can wait. 
> 
> The website was taken down put you can still find it here:
> 
> http://web.archive.org/web/20101208061411/http://dead.byaren.org/fic.php

“Taichou?!” Renji grabbed the other man by the arms to keep him from gliding onto the floor. “I’m fine”, the noble answered, voice struggling for indifference but still sounding a tad breathless. This was a disgrace! Showing weakness in front of his lieutenant, in front of anyone actually, was something Byakuya did not prefer to do. He had to get a hold of himself again. Fast. “Let go of me.” Renji obliged and then quickly reached out to him again as the raven haired began to sink to the floor a second time. 

“Taichou?” Renji asked once more, cautiously, knowing that this whole thing was a serious blow to his taichou’s high pride. He was supporting the raven by grabbing the other’s arms with both of his hands. It would have been easier to just sling his arms around the raven, but he knew that the noble’s pride would not allow for that, not even now when things had changed slightly between them.

Hearing the concern in Renji’s voice, the noble mused that at least it would be Renji he would be accepting help from, he could have fared a lot worse. He didn’t even want to imagine collapsing in front of the whole squad. Just thinking about it made his head hurt. With that in mind, he made a small step towards the redhead and lightly leaned his head onto the taller man’s shoulder. It was really too frustrating. Byakuya clenched his teeth. That there was a small part of him that quite appreciated Renji’s closeness did not help to lighten his mood, either.

“Maybe you should rest in the captain’s quarters tonight, taichou?”, Renji tried again, shocked by Byakuya’s behavior. ‘He must really be feeling like shit’, he pondered. If the noble has been in any better condition, he would have been extremely offended that Renji was suggesting that he was unable to walk back to the mansion. But as he was not even able to stand by himself, let alone walk, the noble allowed the lapse in pride and just nodded silently against Renji’s shoulder.

Well, so far so good, but how the hell was he going to get the noble into his quarters without damaging his prickly pride and offending the man even further? The most straight forward way of simply picking him up and carrying him there was obviously out of the question. And he doubted that the noble would give him an answer if asked. Renji sighed. Thinking, he moved slightly to get into a more comfortable position. 

That was when he felt the shift in the noble’s reiatsu. Renji’s eyes became wide with surprise at something he felt from the noble but could not identify. There had been a whole lot of anger and frustration as Renji would expect, but he had felt something else, as well. Something subtle that, if it was anyone else, he’d describe as something close to a purr. But this was Byakuya. Kuchiki Byakuya did not purr while leaning onto another man, while leaning on Renji. In fact, he did not purr at all.

Byakuya stiffened some more against Renji’s side. He could have cursed if he did not think such an action to be beneath his dignity. He had let himself become weak to the extent of not being able to completely control his reiatsu. And going by Renji’s reaction, the redhead had noticed his slip in control. Neither of them breathed; they both held their breath and stood in silence for what felt like an eternity.

Neither man seemed to know how to react. Although the noble had started to accept Renji’s subtle advances, he had never in fact approached the redhead on his own. Just now had been the first act of reciprocation on Byakuya’s side. 

‘Fuck it.’ 

Thinking ‘please don’t kill me for this, or at least make it a quick death’, Renji slightly bowed his head while turning it to gently press his lips against Byakuya’s temple. Then he straightened again, waiting for the noble’s reaction.

Byakuya, already tense, froze completely for a long moment before he relaxed again somewhat. Renji let out a breath he had not known he had been holding. ‘Thank kami!’ The noble looked totally unaffected. But despite his carefully blank expression, Renji could see the haze that had settled in usually sharp, clear eyes and gave them an almost heavy-lidded look; he also detected a subtle glow on those high cheek bones and a corner of the other man’s mouth that curled in what looked suspiciously like a suppressed smile.

Soon enough, Renji reminded himself that calling the smaller man 'cute' equaled suicide and quickly gulped down the words that had lain on the tip of his tongue. ‘Better pretend I didn’t see anything’, he decided. ‘I should really get him into his quarters before I do somethin’ I’ll regret – or that will put a swift end to my life.’ Renji cleared his throat, hoping that the shorter man would get the hint. Byakuya nodded once more.

The noble took in a breath to steady himself, which turned out rather shakily as he had to admit, and stepped away from the redhead. At least the world did not start spinning again. Encouraged, he turned and walked towards the door, passing through and continuing in direction of his captain’s chambers, Renji at his heels.

Renji was following behind Byakuya closely, paying attention to never widen the distance between them to more than an arm’s length. His caution paid off as Byakuya began to falter again. The noble paused and patiently allowed Renji to slide up against his side, close enough to make their arms touch, allowing the noble to lean on the redhead for support. But Renji knew the man too well to not know what was going on inside the noble’s head. He sighed.

“You are not weak, taichou”, he voiced. He felt Byakuya flinch slightly against his side. ‘Caught red-handed, huh?’, the redhead thought and sighed once more. 

“What do you then call not being able to walk by myself, Renji?”, Byakuya replied flatly. 

“Ya almost died just a few weeks ago!”, Renji shot back . “This is recovery and not weakness. As soon as yer recovered, you’ll be up and kickin’ ass again.” ‘Mine included.’

Byakuya offered no reply, clearly unconvinced, and instead wrapped himself in silence once again. Thus, they walked the rest of the way without talking. While they walked, Byakuya fought hard to suppress his urge to sneer at Renji. He had to remind himself that this was not Renji’s fault. If someone was to blame, it was himself. He had long since started regretting to have rebuffed Unohana’s urges for him to rest at least another two to three days. 

Having arrived at the captain’s quarters, Renji hesitated, unsure of what to do or say. “I won’t tell anyone, taichou”, he said finally. “Just so you know. Not even Unohana-taichou. If ya don’t want me to, that is.” 

Byakuya looked at him as though Renji had pulled him out of deep thoughts. “That would be … appreciated. …And … thank you, Renji”, the noble added quietly. Renji nodded and left the noble to his own devices, finally turning in for the night himself.

The noble stood at the doorstep, looking after Renji as he made his way to his own quarters. Alone at last, he permitted himself a deep sigh. Tonight had been one blow to his pride after another. At least Renji had had the presence of mind prevent anyone else from seeing him in such an utterly dishonorable state. Still, even the fact that Renji had seen him like this did not sit well with the man. ‘Maybe especially because it has been Renji’, a voice inside of him remarked. Brushing the thought aside as being ridiculous, Byakuya finally entered his chambers. It had been a very long evening indeed.


	6. Visit Full Of Discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, Byakuya does not appear at work. Renji decides to drop by to check on him...

The next morning when Renji knocked on the office door like usual, he did not receive a reply. Entering nevertheless, he discovered that the other man had not yet arrived. ‘How rare for him to come in later than me’, Renji mused. Well, but considering the condition the noble had been in yesterday, he supposed he should not be so surprised. ‘Wouldn’t count t’ against him if he didn’t show up at all today’. With that he immersed himself in his work.

A knock on the office door tore him out of his concentration several hours later. For a second, he thought Byakuya to be the one standing in front of the office but then he recognized the familiar reiatsu. ‘Also, Byakuya would never knock on the door of his own office’, he chided himself. “Come in”, he called out loud.

“Didn’t expect ta see you here”, he greeted the raven haired shinigami that entered. “Didn’t expect ta have to come here”, the raven shot back. Renji grinned. “As loud-mouthed as ever, huh, Rukia?”, he teased. “What would your beloved nii-sama say if he had heard you just now?” Instead of an answer, Rukia stuck her tongue out at her childhood friend. Then she remembered why she had come and she became serious all of a sudden.

“Nii-sama hasn’t come home last night”, she informed the redhead. “I know”, said the redhead and grinned again, enjoying the look of confusion clearly visible on his counterpart’s face. They might have been siblings, but different from her ever stoic brother, Rukia was almost like an open book. To Renji anyways. ‘Everything would be so much easier if he was more like Rukia, though’. Renji sighed.

Then he diverted his attention back to Rukia. Answering the question written across her face before she could vocalize it, Renji said: “I’ve dropped by yesterday before turnin’ in for the night and Kuchiki taichou said that he still had some things to do. Catching up ‘n all that. So it probably got late and he just stayed in his chambers here in the sixth to not have ta walk all the way back to the estate.”

He was not lying to her. Not technically, anyway. And he had promised Byakuya not to tell anyone. So he apologized to Rukia in his mind, returning her gaze steadily. Rukia peered at him, searching for something in his face. Apparently having found whatever she had been searching for, she nodded briefly and turned to leave. Then she stopped in her tracks. “And where is he now?”, she asked, as if she had noticed only now the absence of her brother in the room.

“I don’t know”, Renji said truthfully. “A meeting maybe?” He didn’t need to tell her that he suspected the noble to still be in his quarters. He didn’t think that Byakuya would appreciate a guest right now, especially not his adoptive sister to whom he prided himself in only ever showing his most perfect side since she had almost been beheaded because of an oath he had made. ‘And you don’t even realize that she would like you so much more than she already does if you allowed her to see a bit of your weak side, as well. The same goes for me.’

“I’ll send you a message as soon as I know more, ok?”, he offered. Seeming somewhat content with this, Rukia nodded again and started for the door once more. “Would you keep an eye on him for me? I know that although he has just recently been released from the fourth, he will still feel the need to overwork himself again. Not that he’ll show it on the outside, of course.” She knit her brows together as if in disapproval but the shine in her eyes said something else. Before the door fell shut behind her, she shouted over her shoulder: “We have to eat lunch together again soon. Next week, Ichigo will come visit. So we can all eat together. It’ll be so much fun!”

Renji stared at the now closed door and shook his head at her excitement. Everything that was connected to Ichigo seemed to be ‘fun’ for the girl nowadays. Rukia had always been a handful, even (or should he say especially?) in their Inuzuri days. But that was in the past now. Now Rukia was a Kuchiki, a member of the most powerful noble family in all of Seretei.

Despite how indifferent he had acted in front of Rukia, the redhead was actually starting to get quite worried for Byakuya. He understood the man taking a day off, having seen the condition he had been in yesterday, but what worried him was that he had not contacted Renji at all to let him know of his absence. This had never happened before. Well to be fair it had to be said that the noble hadn’t actually been absent before as far as Renji could remember. When had been the last time Byakuya had taken a day off? Had he even ever done so before? What a scary thought.

Pushing that to the back of his mind, Renji decided to drop by to check on the noble later. That settled, the redhead worked as concentrated as seldom for the rest of the day (he did not want any more work than absolutely necessary to pile up for Byakuya) and then made his way to the captain’s quarters for the second time in 24 hours.

Soon, he found himself before the captain’s chambers and knocked on the door lightly. When he didn’t receive a reply, he knocked again, harder. When this time, too, there was no answer, his worries grew and he weighed the risk of breaking the door down and angering his taichou against just leaving again without having reached the noble, but being left in the uncertain. Thinking, he tentatively tried to open the door and – who would have guessed it – it opened!

Being even more worried now (In what state had his taichou had to have been in to forget to lock his door. THE Kuchiki Byakuya never forgot anything. It was a fact.), Renji pushed the door open as silently as he managed. Unfortunately, Renji had never been a man of dexterity. Thus, as he slid into the room, not only did he hit his head on the door frame (who told them to build those things so low?) but also did he manage to stumble into the half-opened door, causing it to swing open wide and hit the wall on the opposite side. ‘Great.’ He glanced over to the man on the bed which formed the center of the room. ‘If that didn’t wake him up, he might as well never do so again.’

“Renji.”

See?

“Taichou. Sorry for waking you up. I didn’t want ta wake ya but the doorframe is so damn low and I’m… ” he would have continued rambling on but Byakuya interrupted him. 

“May I ask what you were trying to achieve, sneaking into my chambers while I am asleep, Renji?” While it was too dark in the room for Renji to make out more than the silhouette of Byakuya, the disapproval in his tone was unmistakable. The redhead felt blood rush to his head. His face probably displayed the same lovely crimson color as his hair right now. 

“Well, ya didn’t come to work today, so I got worried and thought…”

‘…I’d check on you.’ But the last bit got stuck in his throat when his eyes, which had accustomed themselves to the darkness in the room by now, detected the look on his taichou’s face. The noble looked extremely uneasy. In his case that meant slightly knit eyebrows, eyes narrowed a fraction, jaw clenched and lips lightly pursed. That was more expression on his face than Renji had seen for a long time. He seemed to be perfectly uncomfortable with the situation. If it was from being woken up or just the fact that he was lying in bed completely helpless, though, Renji couldn't tell. Probably both. Renji suppressed a sigh (he sure was sighing an awful lot lately). The noble and his obsession with honor. How come that exactly the proud and confident nobility were the ones the most easily offended? They should know better than that.

But before he could make a comment or before Byakuya could reply, there was a polite knock on the door. Both man flinched, having been too distracted to notice the nearing reiatsu. Stealing another look at the man on the bed who made no sign to open the door, Renji moved towards the door. He decided that in the condition the noble was in, it would be best to not let more people than strictly necessary see him in this moment of weakness, if the self-loathing in said man’s eyes was any indication to go by.

Renji opened the door wide enough to not be impolite but not enough for anyone standing in front of the room to be able to sneak a peek inside at Byakuya. Not really having paid more attention to the reiatsu before than was needed to acknowledge its presence, his eyes bulged out in surprise at who stood in front of him. “Unohana- taichou!”, he stuttered. How the heck the woman had found out that Byakuya had not been to work that day and was having a relapse, Renji would never know. One could seriously not hide anything from the chief of the medical squad. She sure was one hell of a scary woman.

The usually expressionless woman seemed to be equally surprised to see Renji. She fell silent for a moment, giving Renji a strange look. Then she seemed to compose herself again. “Are you taking care of Byakuya-kun?”, she queried in a soft voice. ‘Am I?’ Renji was not too sure but he guessed that that was pretty much what he was doing, if the noble would allow it, that was. So he answered affirmatively.

Unohana-taichou shot him another look he could not identify. “Very well, then. Will you please make him ingest these?” She handed Renji a little bag that apparently contained some herbs. “Afterwards, he needs sufficient rest. He is likely to get a fever tonight, you might want to prepare a cooling compress should he start sweating excessively.” With that, she turned to leave but halted again. “Do not leave him alone.” Another look.

“Will do.” Renji saluted and watched the captain make her leave. The fact that she had come personally to look after Byakuya showed what high regard the man was held in by his fellow captains.

Then it dawned on him what the leader of the medical squad had implied. ‘Do not leave him alone’ meant also at night. He would have to spend the night by his captain’s side. Renji gulped. Byakuya would not like that.

‘First things first’, Renji decided as he closed the door. Inside, he could see that his taichou had turned his back to him and was doing a splendid job at ignoring his surroundings, including the redhead.

“I’ll make ya some tea with this, taichou”, he announced, holding up the bag of herbs despite the fact that Byakuya could not see it. “Be right back.” Not waiting for an answer he knew would not come, he turned once again and left to prepare the beverage.

When he returned, he registered somewhat relieved that his captain had at least sat up in the bed, though expression slightly sullen. ‘So he isn’t going ta ignore me the whole night.’ Renji walked over and handed his captain the promised cup of tea. The noble accepted it without a word, his long fingers wrapping around the porcelain. He brought the cup to his mouth, taking a tentative sip, and grimaced.

Renji almost sniggered at the suffering look on the other man’s face. Not that he did not feel bad for his captain, but this new, more communicative Byakuya, presumably caused by his weak physical condition, was not bad at all. ‘He’s behaving a bit like a spoiled child.’ The new discovery almost made it worth stealing a kiss, just to see the other man’s reaction. Almost. But this certainly promised to be an interesting night.

Having finished the rest of the tea without further incidences after a strange look in Renji’s direction (Had his amusement shown on his face despite his efforts for them not to? Renji suppressed the urge to put a hand in front of his mouth.), the noble cleared his throat. “I’m fine now, Renji. You may leave.” 

“I can’t do that, sir!”, Renji protested. “I have promised Unohana- taichou that I would take care of ya. And I intend ta keep that promise!”

“Renji. I don’t like to repeat myself.” Byakuya’s voice took on a warning edge. 

“Neither do I”, Renji burst out. Seriously. What was wrong with the man that he could not simply accept help when it was so obvious that he needed it. “Taichou, let me take care of you, at least when yer injured! With all due respect, there is nothing honorable ‘bout not lettin’ others help you sometimes. Neither does it make ya strong. I will stay tonight. So you decide if you wanna make this easy or hard.”

“Remember your place, Abarai.” Byakuya’s voice was dangerously quiet, almost a whisper, yet sharp as a blade. Normally now at the latest, Renji would stop or even backpedal some, but not today. He shut his mouth and stared at the noble challengingly. Byakuya stared back, his eyes sparking. After what seemed like an eternity, Byakuya bowed his head slightly, breaking eye contact.

Renji blinked surprised. Well, that had been easier than he had thought it would be. He had won a staring contest with the ice prince, who could bend half Seretei to his will with his frosty stare alone. Though to be fair said ice prince was currently not in top form. Otherwise, Renji would probably be dead right now, after having talked to Byakuya as he had. Still, Renji could almost feel himself getting light-headed. But he’d better not overstretch his luck. Thus, the redhead took his victory for what it was and quietly settled into seiza next to the noble’s bed.

“I cannot sleep with you staring at me like that, Abarai.” How Byakuya still managed to sound dignified even in such a situation remained a mystery to Renji. Not feeling up for another staring contest, he mumbled an apology and turned to present his back to the noble.

\--

And in this position he remained for several hours. Complete silence had settled over them. Renji’s legs had fallen asleep and he had repeatedly had to suppress a hearty yawn. Never having been a man who could remain either quiet or unmoving for very long, he was itching to leap up and pace across the room. He knew, however, that this was exactly what Byakuya wanted: a reason to throw him out. So he remained where he was and made do with settling into the more comfortable tailor seat.

\--

Just when he wondered if he would have to stay like this until morning, he heard a noise coming from Byakuya. Convinced that the noble was trying to tell him something, the redhead turned around, thankful for the movement. “Tai…”

What he saw, however, was a Byakuya that was very much asleep. Renji quickly gulped down what he had wanted to say. But his original relief, and almost joy, at the sight of the sleeping man was replaced by dread when he realized that what had caused him to turn around was Byakuya talking in his sleep. ‘No, not just talking’, he corrected himself. By the looks of it, Byakuya was having a _nightmare_.

‘So it wasn’t just his pride speaking when he told me to leave. He was hiding this.’ Who would have thought that the stoic, ever indifferent captain of the sixth would have nightmares at night. And something told Renji that this was not the first time the man was having this particular dream.

Renji’s first impulse was to wake the noble, but he could picture just all too well how the man would react to having been caught in such a vulnerable and embarrassing moment. Thus he decided to calm the man down using other means. He reached for Byakuya’s hand, but as soon as his fingertips touched pale skin, Byakuya let out a chocked sound and shrieked away from his touch. Completely taken by surprise, Renji had to muffle a scream himself in order not to wake his captain.

 _‘Calm down!’_ , A voice hissed.

_‘Zabimaru?!’_

Renji’s eyes widened once more. His Zanpakuto almost never conversed with him. It wasn’t that they weren’t close, but that the nue trusted Renji most of the time to deal with things by himself. It was only in situations where Renji was in mortal danger or otherwise in a serious bind that the nue would address him directly. Knowing that, a part of Renji’s mind wondered why the demon chose to speak to him now.

 _‘Calm down’_ , a second voice snarled, significantly deeper than the first one. _‘Listen to what he says’_ , the first voice added.

Renji obliged and leaned closer to Byakuya to make out actual words from the mumbling of the sleeping man. “Don’t! … No … I won’t allow it! ... Please …” Byakuya let out something close to a sob. Then, he quieted down some, turning his mumbling into whimper.

Renji felt panic rise inside of him.

_‘I don’t know what t’ do! This is so unlike him! I don’t understand what he’s sayin’ and I can’t even touch him…’_

_‘Let him sleep; but calm him down by singing’_ , the low voice rumbled. _‘Like senbonsakura’_ , the hissing voice contributed.

 _‘Singing?!’_ Despite his panic, Reni snorted. _‘Outa all my talents you have to go ‘n pick that.'_   The demon huffed amused.

Nevertheless, Renji followed the nue’s advice and started humming one of the only songs he knew how to. It was a lullaby he had sang to the younger kids back during his Inuzuri days.

 _‘Sure brings back memories.’_ The demon within him grumbled approvingly. _‘Ya must really like Byakuya’,_ Renji mused. _‘For ya ta come talk to me ‘n all.’_ The nue turned his purr up a fraction instead of an answer.

In response to his humming, the raven really did seem to calm down a bit. His whimper became softer and, eventually, receded fully. Renji sighed in relief. _‘Thanks’_ , he send to his Zanpakuto before he went to fetch a wet cloth to wipe the noble who had sweated a fair bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww Bya-boy. Don'tcha worry. You’ll get your lovin’.


	7. A Talk With Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Come the next day, Byakuya and Renji ... talk ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter basically wrote itself … man, it’s so easy to be mean… spoiler alert +_+

Byakuya awoke feeling completely knocked out, not that he would admit so to anyone else. The first thing that struck him was the presence of his lieutenant in the room. ‘What is Renji doing in the mansion, let alone in my bedroom?’ It took him a second to pinpoint his current location and as he did, yesterday’s events came back as well.

He flinched. And regretted it instantly. He shot Renji a covert glance to determine if the other man had seen his slip in composure. Slip in composure. Byakuya suppressed a groan. He had slept with Renji in the room! Not that that this display of vulnerability was not shameful enough as it was (alone the fact that he _could_ sleep with Renji in the room was astounding to the noble, to say the least) but what if he had had _that_ dream again?

Byakuya stole another glance at Renji, while trying desperately not to be discovered. Luckily, he tended to wake up quietly, thus the redhead apparently still thought him to be asleep. Studying the redhead’s face (the man was currently leaning over and intently studying a sheet of paper), the noble had to suppress a sigh; he felt a wave of relief washing over him. There was nothing suspicious in the other man’s behavior. He had not dreamed of _that_ last night. Deciding that it was time to ‘wake up’, Byakuya began to stir.

\--

Renji, on his part, had spent the remainder of the night thinking about how to face the noble this morning. He had played with the thought of trying to comfort the man, but then had quickly decided against it. He valued his life, ok? But even as he decided to keep silent about what happened last night, he swore to find out what was causing such great pain to Byakuya and was determined to do something to relieve said pain.

So much prepared, Renji felt his taichou’s eyes on him. About to open his mouth and wish the other man a good morning (despite knowing very well that that was something the other man was not likely to have), he saw the mixture of concentration, embarrassment and panic in Byakuya’s eyes as they roamed over him and he let his mouth fall shut again. ‘No need to agitate him even further.’ Dissembling that he had noticed the noble’s awaking, Renji continued to read the division’s third seat’s report about the acclimatization of the new recruits when Byakuya began to stir.

\--

‘Good morning, taichou”, Renji broke the silence when Byakuya sat up in the bed. Byakuya answered with a brief nod. His gaze fell upon the table by his bedside with the wet cloth still on it and his eyes widened with surprise. Not only had he been able to sleep in Renji’s presence, but the other man had been able to touch him without him waking up.

This had not happened in a long time and Byakuya was not sure he liked it. Renji seemed to have crawled under his skin more than he had originally thought. It may be time to stop this … thing between them.

Observing the noble quietly, Renji did not miss the conflicting emotions mirrored in his eyes. But again, he pretended not to notice. Instead, he focused on his counterpart’s appearance. The noble’s always impeccable look was slightly disheveled after a night’s sleep. And also, Renji observed that he looked much younger without the kenseikan in his hair and his haori being neatly folded over the chair at the far end of the room instead of resting on his shoulders. Strange that those details hadn’t caught his attention sooner, but he guessed that the darkness of the night had been at fault. Now, in the light of day, he enjoyed discovering these little details about his captain just so much more.

If Renji had thought Byakuya was handsome to begin with, he loved the way he looked now even more. It made him wonder what sight the other man would give if kissed breathless, how those lips would become reddened and swollen from his kisses, how that skin would blush under his hands and that whole body would tremble under his touch as he loved him …

Ok. Stop. He had to halt that train of thought or he was going to pounce on to the noble right here and now. “Breakfast.” Renji cleared his throat. “I brought breakfast.” He nodded to a table next to the chair with the haori on it and one additional chair. On the table was a breakfast tray. “Feel up fer movin’ just yet?”

Byakuya nodded and started to get up. He had to pause once, overcome by dizziness, but apart from that, he reached the breakfast table without major difficulties and the two ate breakfast in silence. It wasn’t a heavy silence, though, more like a pleasant one. Afterwards, with Renji’s help, Byakuya got dressed ( _That_ was an experience he did not wish repeated again, but he had given up arguing with the redhead about honor, for the meantime at least) and the pair made its way to their office.

The rest of the day went by in a flash. Byakuya was his old stoic and commanding self, though he had learned his lesson and did now take things slower than yesterday. Nobody else in the division had noticed the relapse of their captain, much to said man’s relief. At six o’clock, Byakuya put aside his brush and the report he had just proofread and signed and cleared his throat in an attempt to get his lieutenant’s attention. “Renji, may I speak to you for a moment.”

\--

The whole day, Byakuya had played in his mind with the different scenarios, weighing them against each other and finally he had come to a conclusion. He had to end this … thing currently going on between his lieutenant and himself. He had allowed this to go on far longer than he should have, partly out of a weakness for his lieutenant, as he allowed himself to admit, which, too, he had harbored much too long already.

But enough was enough. Last night had opened his eyes on the fact that the other man had crept far too deep behind the walls he had set up to put a distance between himself and other people. The walls were there for a reason and he could not let Renji become even more dangerously close to him. He would, he could simply not allow for it. For both of their sakes, as he told himself.

\--

“Renji, may I speak to you for a moment.” Renji looked up at the order, thinly disguised as question. He was not surprised at all at the words. He had, in fact, waited for the noble to open his mouth all day. He had observed how the older man had spaced out several times at his desk, which meant that something was weighing on his mind heavily. The last time Renji had seen Byakuya behave this way had been during Rukia’s trial. So Renji laid his brush down, as well, and looked at Byakuya expectantly, an encouraging smile on his lips. “Taichou?”

\--

“I believe that it would be best to end … whatever it is that is currently between the two of us.” Byakuya chose his words carefully, his voice devoid of emotion and wearing his usual mask of indifference. He might as well have just made a remark about the weather.

The smile on Renji’s lips died. This was the first time that the noble had commented on their somewhat evolved relationship and this was how he chose to do so. Renji felt anger rise inside of him. He had expected Byakuya to come to him with talk about honor and duty and similar things, but he surely had not expected this. Should everything end like this? Should their relationship come to an end before it had even really started? Did Byakuya really think he could back out now, that Renji would _let_ him back out like that? Like _hell_ he would.

Zabimaru hissed at him warningly, reminding him to keep his calm, but it was too late.

“You are kidding. You got to be kiddin’ me. Tell me ye’re joking.” He voiced flately. “Cuz if you’re not, I’m goin’ ta get angry fer real.”

“I’m perfectly serious, Renji”, Byakuya replied coolly.

“Why?”, Renji burst out. “Is it because of last night?! Cuz ta me ya seemed perfectly fine with ‘whatever it is that is currently going on between the two of us’ until then.”

“Watch your tone, Abarai”, Byakuya snapped.

“No, no, I’m not going ta. Not this time.”, Renji snarled back. “This time, you are going ta listen. I’m not just yer lieutenant anymore, taichou. I haven’t been for quite some time now and ya know it! You are just too scared, or whatever it is that is holding ya back, ta admit it! That’s why we haven’t talked ‘bout any of this before!”

Byakuya had gone quiet, his lips forming a thin line and eyes darkening dangerously with every word that fell from the redhead’s lips. But Renji wasn’t finished yet. He’d be damned if he stopped now.

“But, ya know what, I’ve had it with ya and yer stupid reasonin’!” and with that he lurched forward (while speaking he had moved up to the other man’s desk) and pressed his mouth forcefully against that of the noble, teeth clashing in the process. For a second, Byakuya was too stupefied to respond. Then, against his will and despite the forcefulness of the other’s action, his body started responding and his eyes fluttered shut. Cursing his body, he tore them open again immediately.

But Renji had already seen.‘Serves him right’, the redhead thought grimly. He deepened the kiss and let a hand wander down the raven’s body. Byakuya’s eyes widened even more, realizing his intensions. ‘You bet!’, Renji answered the unspoken ‘You wouldn’t dare!’

And he did.

And the next thing he felt was … pain. And a hard surface on his back together with the feeling of not being able to breathe. It was then when he registered that Byakuya must have grabbed him by the throat and slammed him into the office wall.

Hard.

While part of his mind was pondering that the resulting bang had probably scared half the division shitless, the majority was focused on Byakuya’s face right now. Byakuya’s face looked … interesting. If Renji hadn’t been so damn angry right now, he’d appreciate the humor in this situation quite a bit. He had just copped a feel of Kuchiki Byakuya, the most inhibited man in all of Seireitei.

But, unfortunately, he was still blind with rage and burning auburn eyes met stormy grey ones. Words passed unspoken and it was not long until Renji snarled, nostrils flaring wide and pushed the other man back violently before storming out of the office.

He arrived at the training ground panting heavily. Without so much as pausing to catch his breath, he unsheathed zabimaru, ignoring the other members of his squad who were watching him with a mixture of curiosity, fear and silent admiration. Though they had not been able to grasp what the actual fight had been about, they had still heard the shouting and the loud noise caused by Renji meeting with the wall.

So much to having thawed the ice prince. 

Renji lashed out wide, ready to release his anger out on the wood peg in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... though the lovin’ will still have to wait… I mean, seriously. What is a Byaren story if they haven’t broken up at least once?


	8. Cherry Blossom Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a three month ice age, Renji decides to break the ice...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the last chapter three months have passed.

It had been three months since the fight between the taichou and his lieutenant and they had not yet reconciled. And the whole squad was being affected by it: The atmosphere in the sixth was back-breaking and gloomy.

By now, nearly every member of the squad had begged Renji to apologize to the captain for whatever he had done (everyone automatically assuming the fault lay with Renji which just pissed the redhead off even more, enough to refuse their requests). When they had greatly respected their taichou before, they were now outright terrified of the man. Byakuya had been in a bad mood ever since that day and it had been long since anyone other than Renji had dared to approach him upfront. They all came to Renji nowadays.

Renji knew he was acting childishly. But so was Byakuya. If this continued, the squad was in serious danger of collapse with the two men at its heart quarreling. It was not that Renji was still angry, the anger had passed as quickly as it had come. Now all that was left was disappointment. And sadness.

He had known from the start that capturing a man like Byakuya would be hard. And the more he had come to know about the noble, the more complicated things had become. But the thing that really bothered Renji about the whole affair of three month ago was the way Byakuya had backed out. It had been nothing short of cowardice how the noble had backed away. And Kuchiki Byakuya, the man Renji had thrived to surpass for so long and who he still very much admired, was no coward. Renji refused to believe that.

But despite the whole situation, Renji did not think about giving up on his taichou. He was a patient man if needed be and he had chased after Byakuya for so many years that a couple of month made no real difference. He thus resolved to give the man the time he felt the other needed to sort out and come to terms with his feelings for the redhead and to realize that he was already too deep in this to be able to back out again that easily. Renji’s plan seemed to work, as sometimes he felt his taichou’s gaze resting on him when he thought Renji couldn’t see.

\--

For months now, Renji and he had only spoken when work or propriety had compelled them to. And Byakuya, though still very much infuriated with Renji’s impudence, found himself missing his lieutenant’s cheerful chatter, the inappropriate jokes and even his stupid grin. He was yearning for the old Renji, and that not just mentally. Byakuya’s eyebrow twitched in irritation. He was beginning to sound like a love-struck woman! Unacceptable! This whole affair was below his dignity. He was the 28th head of the Kuchiki clan, the most powerful of the four noble families in Seretei, and he’d be damned if he didn’t behave accordingly.

Deciding that he was in dire need of a break (he and Renji had worked side by side without talking for almost five hours straight by now and dusk would soon begin), Byakuya rose to his feet and, without so much as glancing in the other man’s direction, informed the redhead in a cool, carefully controlled voice of his intention to retire for the night.

\--

Renji had felt his taichou’s gaze on him, had seen the longing in those silver eyes. ‘Why does he make his own life so damn difficult? Does he even realize how clearly his eyes portray his loneliness?’, he wondered. ‘I’m surprised no one else has noticed yet. If this goes on, it’s just a matter ‘a time until someone will, though.’

“Abarai, I will excuse myself for the night. You may retire as well, should you wish to do so.”

Wrenched from his thoughts, Renji blinked. Deciding that they needed to clear this affair before the noble’s behavior caused someone to discover more than was good for them, Renji jumped up, as well, evoking a small flinch from the other man with the sudden movement. Although he had planned to let the noble come to him, Renji concluded that, as always seemed to be the case in emotional affairs, the noble could use a little help.

“Taichou.”

Byakuya stiffened, his jaw clenching. It had been such a long time since he had heard Renji call out to him like that, in that caring voice, that Byakuya found a wave of melancholy flooding through him and he briefly had to shut his eyes to regain his composure.

“Renji.”

“Taichou, It can’t go on like this. We need ta talk”, Renji remarked, matter-of-factly.

Byakuya started walking towards the door once again, without offering a reply. Before leaving the office, he paused briefly and glanced at Renji over his shoulder, signaling the redhead that he was to follow him. As always, Renji understood and silently started after his captain.

\--

Renji fell in pace behind the Byakuya. Although he had been the one to say that they needed to have a talk, he had not actually given much thought to what he wanted to tell the noble just yet. He guessed that he would just have to have faith that the words were going to come at the right moment. ‘More importantly, where by kami is he taking me?’ For a reason unknown to him, one of those poorly made ‘horror movies’ Ichigo had forced him to watch back in the human world came to his mind. One where the perpetrator had led his victim into a backyard before murdering and burying it there.

Back then, Renji had wondered about the mental state of the victim to follow the other man so blindly. Now he found himself in a similar situation. Kind of. The noble was not going for some belated revenge, was he? He shot a covert glance at Byakuya. Much to his concern, said man wore his usual mask of indifference, not revealing any sort of murderous feelings he might hold.

Then, Byakuya slowed down his steps and Renji looked up … and snorted.

“Seriously?”

Slightly thrown off at Renji’s outburst, Byakuya felt compelled to explain “The sakura tree garden at the back of the estate. Though they are not in bloom yet.” He turned and began to walk along the trees. Renji, who had temporarily been distracted by the fondness with which the noble referred to the trees, hurried after the man.

“You said that you wished to speak to me?”

“Yes.” The redhead was unsure of how to continue. He took a deep breath and decided that being honest would work best in this situation. Swallowing his pride, he said “I am sorry about what happened that time. I should not have lost it like that.”

“I … am not entirely without blame for that incident”, came the hesitant reply. The noble stopped walking, did not turn around though.

Renji’s eyes opened in surprise at the confession. “You don’t have to apologize, taichou.”

Byakuya finally turned around, but otherwise ignored Renji and kept his head lowered in an attempt to keep his face hidden. He gestured to the space between himself and his fukutaichou. “This … is difficult for me.” He admitted barely audible. Had there been a little tremor in his voice? Renji continued to stare at him, wide-eyed. “I…” Byakuya broke off, unable to continue.

But Renji had understood. Being used to deciphering the unspoken when conversing with the noble, he had clearly heard what the noble had not been able to vocalize. That he could not open up as easily as other people. That he was uncomfortable showing emotions. He found it to be degrading, especially weakness. He despised weakness in others, but most violently did he despise it in himself. This probably was somewhat connected to the noble’s past, as Renji had made out so far. He just did not know how exactly yet.

“I understand.”

Renji put all of his feelings into these two words and hoped that their sincerity would be conveyed to Byakuya. Hearing the deep meaning behind the words, the noble’s eyes automatically searched for Renji’s. And before he could lower his head again, Renji saw the storm raging in them, portraying how conflicted the noble was feeling right now, how _raw_.

Silently, Renji stepped towards the noble. Byakuya flinched and took a step backwards, still averting his gaze. Renji stopped quietly, hands hanging at his sides. Then, after a while, he took another step forward. And another; until he came to stand directly in front of the noble who kept his vision stubbornly fixed on the ground. Renji slowly extended the fingers of one hand to lift Byakuya’s chin up. Prevented by his pride from refusing to look up any longer, Byakuya let his head be tilted up and locked eyes with Renji, allowing him to _see_.

And Renji saw. He saw humiliation, embarrassment, self-loathing and fear, but also, deeper inside, longing, joy … and affection? Byakuya’s chin still cupped in his hand, Renji leaned down slowly, never breaking eye contact and gently captured the noble’s silky lips with his own, the kiss light as a butterfly.

Renji pried an eye open to see that Byakuya had closed his as well. A nice pink had settled on the other man’s cheek bones. That far contented, Renji let his eye fall shut again as he felt Byakuya slowly melt against his mouth, the initial stiffness fading. He deepened the kiss, licking over the other man’s lips to request entrance and little moan escaped him as said entrance was granted after a moment’s hesitation. Renji ravished the noble’s mouth, exploring every nook and cranny, his tongue entwining with that of the noble.

\--

Finally, the pair broke apart, face flushed and gasping for air. “I could definitively get used ta this”, Renji declared, grinning wolfishly. A smile tugged at the noble’s lips. “Indeed.” His breath hitching at the sight his captain presented, Renji could not help himself leaning down again, sneaking another peck on the smaller man’s lips. The noble didn’t bat an eye and looked calmly at Renji. Renji allowed himself another grin. ‘This is what I’d call progress.’

Suppressing a disturbing urge to sing and dance around, Byakuya took a look around himself and was astonished. They had been so immersed in their … activities, that they had not noticed that night had settled over Seireitei.

“We might consider returning soon”, Byakuya murmured, ignoring the tinge of regret flashing through him at this observation. And fighting back a shiver, he added: “It is starting to get chilly.”

“ ’Kay”, Renji agreed. “I’ll see ya back”. Thus, the pair made their way back around the mansion. Byakuya did not have to worry about the cold anymore, for his hand was wrapped securely in the warm one of a certain redhead.


	9. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji realizes that they have never been on a date before and makes plans to change that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the first two paragraphs several weeks are summarized. 
> 
> I did not want to bore you with scenes that show no real development in the relationship between the two, but at the same time I did not wish to rush things either. In my opinion their relationship is something that evolves really slowly (as you have probably noticed as it took the pair months to even kiss properly:-D)

From this day onwards, Byakuya would let Renji kiss him whenever he desired, provided they were alone of course, and Renji was enjoying this privilege to its fullest. He loved the slightly disheveled look Byakuya would wear after an especially intense kiss, before his mask snapped back in place. How his eyes would darken and become heavy-lidded with desire, how his hair would get slightly tousled and his cheeks dusted in a an adorable shade of pink …

Renji sighed. As overjoyed as he was to be in a steady relationship with the noble (something he didn’t think would happen in a thousand years), he was still growing more and more frustrated by the fact that Byakuya only allowed chaste touches and some more passionate make-out sessions. Every time he tried to go beyond that (oh and boy had he tried), Byakuya would withdraw immediately.

The hard part about their relationship was to detect the fine line of what was ok and what not and not to cross it. One moment the noble could be melting against Renji’s mouth, the next he could be on the opposite side of the room, watching Renji quietly with eyes open wide in what could be uneasiness, humiliation or fear. But Renji guessed that he should be thankful for the retreating, the noble could just as well have reacted violently.

That aside, Renji had realized on his way home yesterday that they had not officially been on a date yet. They had never actually met up outside work in private and it was high time to change that. That was why he was currently on his way to invite Byakuya to dine with him in his apartment this evening.

He had thought this through unusually hard for the redhead. A dinner invitation was not alarming enough for the noble to feel nervous and thus back out, but at the same time it was private enough to not need to fear discovery. ‘And all the better if it ends in some much-needed action’, Renji thought eagerly. Specifically for this purpose, he had cleaned his whole apartment, scrubbing every corner (it was bad enough that it stood out against Byakuya’s home in size and luxury, it didn't need to do that in cleanness, too) until one could have eaten from the floor.

\--

Having arrived at and entered the office (once again without knocking although he knew that that infuriated the noble), Renji steered head-on to Byakuya’s desk and leaned down to place a fleeting kiss on the other’s lips as a means of greeting.

“Renji.” Byakuya eyed his lieutenant disapprovingly. ”You are late again.” Grinning sheepishly, Renji slumped into the chair at his own desk and shrugged “Had things to do, couldn’t help it.”

“And what, if I may ask, was so pressing that you felt the need to abandon work in favor of it?” His voice sounded impassive, depreciating at best, but Renji could hear the underlying curiosity. “Our date.” Renji’s grin widened, knowing now that he would not be punished.

“Our … date?”, Byakuya repeated, seeming slightly thrown off course. “Yes.”, Renji’s smirk turned slightly predatory. “You in the mood for dinner at my place tonight?”

“Dinner … at your place?” – “…with the two of us”, Renji confirmed.

Byakuya’s left eyebrow rose slightly as he stared at Renji, as if wanting to decipher the other man’s motives. Renji stared back, trying desperately to look innocent. He couldn’t make out if he had managed to convince Byakuya before said man averted his eyes again.

“Very well.” Was there a spark of something resembling amusement in the noble’s eyes? “But only if I receive that report by today, Abarai. Are we clear?” Jep, definitively there. “Crystal, sir!” Renji mock-saluted and started working on that report he had put off for days.

“Renji.”

“Taichou?”

“… do wipe that disturbing grin off of your face.”

\--

Hours of concentrated working and one report later, Renji and Byakuya were on their way to the redhead’s apartment. And Byakuya discovered that he had no idea where the other man lived, as, in fact, he knew quite little about his fukutaichou in general. He wasn’t the communicative type so he had never bothered getting to know the man (that is anyone really) better. He found socializing to be tedious and was of the opinion that that time could be spent more wisely doing something productive. He did not care for humoring people he was not even fond of.

But because of this stance, he was now confronted with the mildly irritating situation of having to let himself be guided by the redhead while said man walked a few feet behind him. He contemplated letting himself fall back to walk beside the man and, determining that the small lapse in pride was entirely acceptable, did do so, earning a surprised look from his lieutenant.

\--

Renji was concentrating very hard on guiding the noble from his slightly backward position, without obviously doing so to preserve the man’s prickly pride. So his surprise was all the greater when Byakuya simply slowed down to come to walk beside him. ‘You’ve changed, huh?’

\--

Having arrived at the apartment, Renji opened the door, politely gesturing Byakuya to enter first. When he closed the door behind himself, a wave of uncertainty washed over him. It was the first time he had brought anyone to his apartment. The apartment had always kind of been his refuge where he could flee to if he needed a break from the world. He never would have thought he’d bring Byakuya here of all people, who had probably not stepped foot into such a in his standards lowly dwelling ever before. But Renji could not bring himself to spend horrendous amounts of money on a place he barely even lived in. Maybe his Rukongai background was showing here.

Byakuya for his part had begun to look around the apartment closely, which, as he discovered, consisted of one bedroom with a bathroom, a living room and a kitchen. He had to admit that he was surprised. For a guy living alone it was unexpectedly tidy. The vast bookshelf in the living room was … unexpected, too, to say the least. Byakuya would not have pecked Renji for the reading type; it was a fairly pleasant surprise, though.

The apartment was decorated rather scarcely. There were not many personal belongings in the flat but the few present suited Reni very well. There was a huge bed in his bedroom and instead of a big closet for his clothes, he possessed only a very small one, but instead had a glass vitrine for the sun glasses he was so used to breaking regularly. In the living room, besides the enormous book shelf, there was a couch that took up almost the whole room together with the table standing in front of it. And, of course, there was an enormous kitchen for the man with an enormous stomach.

But of all the things, Byakuya found himself drawn to the bookshelf, being a regular reader himself. Who would have thought his noisy and wild fuku-taichou and him, two polar opposites, would enjoy a common leisure activity? There was so much he did not know about the other man and for the first time in a long while, Kuchiki Byakuya found that he wanted to get to know more about a person. He studied the titles on the shelf, picking up a small, ancient looking, leather-clad one named ‘Genesis of Soul Society ’.

Renji, who had followed the noble into the living room, scratched his head in a nervous gesture. “I’ll go ‘n get dinner ready”, he finally said a little awkwardly and set off into the direction of the kitchen. Then he stopped again. “Will curry be ok? Won’t be as fancy as you probably eat in the estate every day, but it’s home-made.” He flashed Byakuya a slightly uneasy smile.

Byakuya who had immediately started immersing himself in the book, looked up at the question, astonished. How had Renji known that he liked spicy food?

Renji’s smile became more sincere, almost turning into a smirk, and Byakuya frowned. Had he said that out loud? He seemed to start relaxing around the other man a little too much.

“That sounds perfectly fine”, he replied to the other’s question and averted his attention back to the book in his hands with ostentation, signaling Renji not to comment on his slip. Renji gulped back the comment that had lain on the tip of his tongue and disappeared into the kitchen for real this time.

When he came back, Byakuya was still standing exactly how Renji had left him. ‘Seems like he really likes ta read.’ Out loud he said: “I can lend it to ya.”

“Excuse me?” Having torn the man away from his book, Byakuya looked slightly confused. “I can lend you ‘Genesis of Soul Society’ , if you want ta read tha whole thing”, Renji repeated.

“That would be appreciated Renji, thank you.”

“No prob, taichou.” Flashing Byakuya another smile (his nervousness having disappeared into thin air at seeing Byakuya so clearly enjoy himself), Renji disappeared into the kitchen once again. He reemerged shortly after, balancing two plates of steaming hot curry, two cups, chopsticks and a pot of tea.

Just as Byakuya, who had seated himself on the couch by now, book still in hand, played with the thought of getting up to help the other (naturally only because it would be a waste of food if everything crashed to the ground), Renji made it to the table safely.

He deposited one plate and one cup in front of Byakuya, before sitting down beside the noble. As he reached for the teapot, he saw that Byakuya had beaten him to it and was already pouring tea for both of them.

‘Since when does he pour me tea’?’ Renji may not look or behave it, but through his frequent reading he knew quite a lot about mannerisms and he was pretty certain that Byakuya attached great importance to such things. Pouring tea was something a subordinate would do for his superior. It was a sign of respect. Did that mean that the noble respected him?

\--

Byakuya was getting more and more convinced of the fact that Renji was somehow psychic as he looked at the red chicken curry in front of him. It must have been ages since he had last eaten this. It had been his favorite dish as a child, before it had been indoctrinated into his mind that this dish was too simple and thus beneath the clan head of the Kuchiki family. It had been his mother’s favorite dish as well.

“Ya don’t like it?” A worried Renji asked the noble as he continued to stare at the plate in front of him.

Before he could answer, though, Byakuya felt his stomach growl. Loud. And if the suppressed snicker was any indication, Renji had heard as well. Bya flushed, cursing silently.

“Dig in.”

Following Renji’s advice, the noble took a bite of the curry … and barely suppressed a sigh of contentment. It tasted superb. But naturally it would not do to let Renji, who was observing him closely, know as much. Thus, Byakuya finished his plate slowly, expression blank. Once he was done, he suppressed the urge to lick his plate clean and leaned back to look at Renji.

Renji had finished his own meal in a flash after having made sure that Byakuya seemed to like what he had been served. He was done the same time as Byakuya and now enjoyed simply looking at the expression on Byakuya’s face. The man looked more relaxed than Renji had ever seen him.

“Tea?” Byakuya nodded and presented his cup to Renji. Then, both men sat on the couch in contented silence. Renji scooted closer until their shoulders almost touched and his calloused hand found Byakuya’s impeccable one, their finger entwining.

Byakuya refused to look at Renji or at their joined hands, but he did not move away or object either. Renji gently squeezed the noble’s fingers and after he had almost given up on it, an almost unrecognizable squeeze came in return. Renji felt his heart in his mouth at the small gesture.

They stayed like this for a while, each man engrossed in his thoughts, before Renji turned his head towards Byakuya and leaned forward to plant a quick kiss on the noble’s cheek. He suppressed a grin at the now-familiar blush that formed in response. Byakuya turned his head away, trying to hide it.

“Don’t.” Renji murmured. He reached up with his free hand to turn the noble’s head his way again. Byakuya complied, leaning into the touch ever so slightly. His hand still on the other’s cheek, Renji leaned sideways once more, this time to place his lips on those of the noble, catching the man in a passionate kiss. As his lips moved against the other man’s, Renji turned his upper body to get into a more comfortable position before breaking the kiss to take a deep inhale of breath.

Byakuya barely had time to do the same before he found his mouth occupied once more, Renji’s tongue invading him this time.

As they parted, panting heavily, Renji placed a trail of kisses along the noble’s jaw line, working his way down the noble’s neck. Byakuya tilted his head back almost imperceptibly. At the collarbone, Renji halted shortly before, unable to resist, he sank his teeth into pale flesh. Byakuya’s body froze completely in a second and Renji hurried to lick the spot soothingly.

“Renji.” It sounded like a warning.

Renji continued licking and kissing the reddening spot and began to slide his arms up and down the noble’s sides in what he hoped were appeasing gestures. It seemed to work and the raven relaxed a fraction again.

Renji knew that this could easily go very wrong, especially considering the reaction he had just gotten, but he was past the point of no return. He wanted Byakuya. Badly. He pressed forward in a bruising kiss, beginning to push the noble into the cushions of the armrest. Immediately, Byakuya stiffened again, not allowing for himself to be pushed down.

“ _Renji_.”

Every other day, Renji would have gotten the not-so subtle warnings and would have halted his advances, but not today. Stopping to try and push the noble down, he now let his hands roam around freely, let them travel more and more downwards towards the, as he knew very well, forbidden region. Once soothing touches were now demanding and challenging.

“ _Stop, Renji_!” The noble’s voice was now dangerously quiet. He grabbed Renji’s wrists hard. “I will not have it.”

“Why?” Renji demanded to know, grimacing equally at the loss and at the bruising grip his captain still maintained on his wrists. “You never let me touch ya below the belt. But you are seemingly fine with almost anythin’ else. So why by kami not go a step further?”

“It does not concern you” Byakuya’s expression had closed off entirely.

“Like hell it doesn’t”, Renji sneered, feeling too disappointed to let sleeping dogs lie. “Ya are a damn coward, taichou.”

The sudden rise in spiritual pressure took Renji’s breath away and he nearly sagged off the couch onto the floor. Renji almost regretted his choice of words. Now he had done it. Too bad he wouldn’t have the chance to say good bye to Rukia. She’d probably miss him…

“You will not talk to me like that, Renji.” Byakuya hissed. “It seems that I have to remind you of your place ag …”

Renji had been ready to back down but now changed his mind. He’d have none of this domination crap in here. This was his apartment and they were having a private conversation. ‘Fuck him for bringing our working relationship into our personal one.’

“Yer really goin’ to play that card here?” Renji snarled disgusted, interrupting Byakuya mid-sentence. “Thought you’d be better than that. You are my taichou and also the head of the most powerful noble familiy and I respect ya a lot. But this doesn’t mean ya can jerk me ‘round in private as ya please!”

\--

What impudence! How _dare_ he address him like that?! This was altogether unbelievable. Byakuya seethed with rage, that much so that his hands began to shake. He contemplated killing the other man on the spot for his effrontery. Then he forced himself to calm down (and not because he believed in any way that this brazen individual calling himself his lieutenant could have a point, but because it was not befitting a clan head to get this ruffled over such a trivial matter. He was above that). Without so much as a second glance at Renji, Byakuya rose from the couch, straightened his haori and swept out of the room with all the dignity he possessed.

Renji stared after him and sighed.

The other man had forgotten to take the book with him…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small disclaimer: 
> 
> After I had written this chapter, it came to me that the curry thing turned out pretty similar to the scene in the fic ‘Three Parts Dead’ (that I have referred to once already). I thought about changing it, but no other food really fitted the part so I decided to just leave it.
> 
> Still, though it wasn’t intentionally, I want to point out that they have used the idea first (in a seriously awesome fic which you HAVE to read if you have not done so already!)


	10. The Silent Treatment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya is pissed at Renji and shows it...

Renji didn’t sleep well that night. He tossed and turned for hours and some time before dawn he decided that he might as well get up and surprise, and maybe appease, Byakuya by appearing in the office before him for once.

He peeled the covers off himself, got into the shower and put on his shikakusho (even his lieutenant’s batch). After he had wolfed down a couple slices of toast, he headed to the office as early as never before during his time as fukutaichou.

On the way there, he contemplated how he should act towards the noble. The man had left in a fit of anger yesterday and Renji did not delude himself into thinking that Byakuya might not be upset anymore or that he might even receive an apology.

At the same time, however, Renji was nowhere near ready to do the apologizing either. What he had said yesterday had been his feelings precisely and he would not shame himself by taking the words back now in an attempt to placate the other man. He was not prepared to debase himself for his captain. At least was there a limit to how far he would and this was above said limit.

Zabimaru grumbled approvingly inside of him. _‘We’re goin’ ta show him that he better not fuck with us.’_

 _‘Exactly’_ , hissed the demon.

\--

At the office, Renji felt by his taichou’s reiatsu that the man had beaten him to it and was already working. ‘Does he ever sleep?’, he thought drily. ‘Well, yes, he does’, he answered himself, remembering the night he had spent at the captain’s quarters.

‘Maybe he can’t sleep ‘cause of our fight.’ He grinned evilly. ‘ ‘S what he deserves.’ His grin dropped when he realized that he found himself in the very same position. He sighed. ‘Better get it over with before he starts to wonder why I’m standing outside the office like an idiot.’ Renji knocked and entered.

\--

As Byakuya had arrived at the mansion, his fuming rage hand calmed down somewhat and what was left was a steady thrum of anger mixed with a tiny tinge of regret. He had not been able to find any release in rest that night. After he had lain awake for hours and had recalled all of the things he usually managed to suppress, he had given up on sleep and had decided to go to work. It was not like this had been the first time he had gone to work at that hour. Neither had it been the twentieth.

But in the office, Byakuya had found his mind constantly wandering off to a certain redhead amongst other things instead of being able to concentrate on work. He was unpleasantly surprised when he felt said redhead’s reiatsu approach the office. A look outside the window told him it was barely dawn and thus hours before the man usually showed up. He frowned. Why did he have to choose today of all days to make an early appearance? He was not ready to talk to him yet.

\--

“Taichou?” Byakuya raised his head from the letter he was currently composing and glanced at the redhead who was looking at him expectantly. “Here’s a message from the head captain Yamamoto. It says for ya to come meet him today.”

Giving Renji the barest of nods, Byakuya turned his attention back to the letter.

Now it was Renji’s time to frown. The two had barely spoken since he had arrived at the office. Byakuya was doing a fabulous job at ignoring him, giving him just enough attention so that work would not suffer but not a fraction more. ‘So this is how we’re goin’ to play, huh Byakuya.’

Having finished the letter, Byakuya rose from his desk and strove out of the door without so much as a glance at Renji. And for the rest of the day, Renji did not see or hear much of his taichou either. The raven had coolly informed him of what he was expected to do and had then left him to his own devices.

This continued for days. Renji was chased around all day while Byakuya found the most tedious and tiresome tasks for him. But Renji gritted his teeth and endured this ordeal. Like hell he was going to give Byakuya the satisfaction of letting him know how much he was getting to Renji. Because while Renji was not a man to complain about a huge work load (as long as it did not entirely consist of paper work), he needed to feel challenged. Running around all day doing errands, fetching things for Byakuya and even cleaning some parts of the division was sheer torture.

And to top it all, Byakuya was behaving like the unapproachable, stoic captain again, as if their relationship had never been anything else but professional. ‘Better than being killed, I guess’, Renji thought laconically. He had called the man a coward after all. Him being allowed to live on after that was a testimonial of their relationship in itself. But the man sure was resentful.

\--

A few days later, Byakuya was still giving him the silent treatment, Renji remembered that soon the noble’s birthday would come up and decided this was the perfect opportunity for them to make up. He hadn’t kissed the noble for two weeks by now, hadn’t in fact touched him at all and Renji was seriously beginning to miss the man.

“Renji, attend to me in the office”, a cool voice behind suddenly him ordered. Renji flinched slightly and turned around.

“Yes, sir.”

It had been the first time in weeks that the man had spoken his name and Renji felt himself getting weak in the knees. 

Great. That’s how much Byakuya had gotten to him. Just needed to call his name and he got weak all over and came running like an obedient little lap dog. No, an Inuzuri dog. How had it come to that?

 _‘You’re not weak’_ , disagreed a rumbling voice.

 _'If you were we would not follow you’_ , the snake-like voice spitted. _‘You’re no dog but a demon, like us. Remember that.'_

 _Right._ Renji straightened up. _Thanks._ The demon didn’t respond to that.

Renji straightened up some more and walked quicker to catch up with the noble. On their way to the office, Renji got pitying glances thrown to him everywhere he looked. The other squad members had not missed the way their captain had been treating his lieutenant. And going by their glances, nobody wished to be in his shoes.

In the office, Byakuya turned around and looked at Renji with an unreadable expression. What’s coming next? Cleaning the mansion? Renji huffed. Byakuya lifted an eyebrow at his lieutenant but remained expressionless otherwise.

“You will attend the festivities at the mansion next week.”

Renji stared at Byakuya, his reiatsu flaring slightly at the challenge in the noble’s voice, until what the noble had said registered in his mind. All anger disappeared into thin air.

“Ya are inviting me to yer _birthday party_?”

The Kuchiki family organized a huge event every year to celebrate the birthday of their clan head. Invited was everyone who was someone, meaning a noble. Non-nobles were limited to a handful individuals at best. So this was a pretty big deal, especially to Byayuya who put so much importance on propriety.

Byakuya nodded. “Indeed.”

Renji’s was stunned. Nevertheless, he played with the thought of telling Byakuya to go to hell. First he treated him like crap for weeks and now this. On the other hand, he recognized the invitation as the peace offer it was and knew instinctively that it had taken Byakuya a lot to offer. But still, leave it to Byakuya to make a peace offer sound like a command. He snorted.

Byakuya’s eyebrow rose even higher, almost disappearing in his hair. “A reply would be appreciated, Renji” he remarked drily, irritation clear in his voice.

“Ok”, Renji answered simply.

Byakuya’s other eyebrow now rose as well. Clearly having expected a different reaction, Byakuya locked eyes with Renji to read in his eyes what would not be said by the redhead. Besides understandable happiness, gratefulness and relief, he also discovered more unexpected defiance, pride and stubbornness.

‘Mine’ shot suddenly through his mind. ‘My beautiful, untamed beast.’ He had to suppress a shudder. Appalled by his own thoughts, Byakuya shook his head to clear it from such frivolities.

Renji, who had seen sudden possessiveness flash across in the noble’s features, felt heat rise to his cheeks at the intensity of the other man’s gaze. 

Seeing Renji´s blush triggered something in Byakuya. That something caused him to take one step forward after another. Next he knew, he stood right in front of Renji, his hand automatically rising to grab the hair at the back of Renji´s head. He then yanked the taller man down rather ruggedly – into a bruising kiss.

Renji, stupefied, couldn’t do much else than gawk at Byakuya, eyes threatening to bulge out of his head. The noble was kissing him. Byakuya fucking Kuchiki was kissing him. Luckily, his body was ahead of his mind and soon he started to move his lips against Byakuya’s in reciprocation.

As quick as the kiss had started, it ended again, both parties gasping for air. As they caught their breath, Byakuya’s eyes met Renji’s and the redhead could see something like panic forming in them. The noble licked across his bottom lip once in what could be a nervous gesture (or was it because of Renji’s scent still lingering there?) before he turned around, hurrying out of the office without another word.

Renji stood there for a long time, unable to do anything other than stare at the long-since closed door. It was then that he understood what passion burned beneath the icy mask.


	11. Byakuya's Birthday Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji goes to Byakuya's party and is in for a few surprises...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Byakuya's aunt apprears first. She is entirely invented, practically to represent the Kuchiki clan and their opinion on Byakuya and marriage. I have seen aunts trying to manipulate Byakuya and sabotage his relationships in so many fics that for me she kinda belongs into the story now.

During the following days, things went back to normal between the pair, neither of them speaking again of the incident in the office. And before they knew it, the noble’s birthday arrived, his 243rd to be exact. Since the invitation, Renji had wracked his brain about what present to get the guy. The noble already had everything he could want and then some more. What to get a person who already had everything?

He had decided that it had to be something personal as there was no sense in buying an expensive gift that, compared to other things the noble will get, will still look shabby. Finally, remembering the noble’s reaction to his bookshelf and consequently assuming that the noble liked to read as well, he settled for an ivory bookmark. Into the bookmark he would carve a nue lying under a sakura tree, the snake tail of the nue curling around three. ‘Can’t get much more personal than that’, he thought contently.

Carving was something he had taken with him from his Inuzuri days. He used to carve in chunks of wood he had found lying around on the streets during long nights of keeping watch. Unfortunately, he had not been able to make any profit with his carvings, as nobody in Inuzuri had enough to be able to pay for luxury goods, goods which did not help ultimate survival.

\--

On the way to the Kuchiki manor, Renji was feeling extremely nervous. He had spent hours carving little sakura blossoms and the dandruffs of the snake tail. The bookmark was a masterpiece. He just hoped that Byakuya would not think the present to be too personal. It was, after all, the first tangible evidence of their relationship and Byakuya may perceive it as something tying him down. And if he had learned anything about the noble in all of their months together it was that the other man could not stand to feel restricted or out of control in any way.

\--

As he arrived at the estate, he stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t even see the entrance, let alone reach it, because of a huge crowd that had gathered in front of the gate. As Renji made his way through the crowd, more pushing than walking really, he realized that they were all people who tried to get access to the party, but had not received an invitation. Finally at the gate, Renji was made to show the small card with the Kuchiki’s family crest on it that Byakuya had handed him and was let in, stirring angry shouts from the crowd. Renji had to suppress a grin. ‘Could almost get used ta this kind of treatment’.

Inside the gate, in the garden of the mansion, there was a crowd at least as big as the one outside. ‘So this is what the party for the clan head of t’ most powerful noble family is like.’ Everywhere, Renji saw men and women in beautiful, colorful kimonos, complicated looking hairstyles and jewelry that had probably cost more than Renji had ever earned in his whole life (and would ever earn).

Renji felt extremely out of place in his uniform. He had speculated with wearing something else, but had anticipated that something like this might happen, and that he would feel more comfortable in the uniform he always wore, zabimaru at his side. Also, it would give him an air of authority and would make explaining his presence at the noble’s party a lot easier.

He heard someone clean his throat behind him. “Renji.”

Renji turned around, flashing Byakuya a bright smile, and presented Byakuya his gift, which he had wrapped carefully. “Happy birthday, taichou!”

A smile tucked at the noble’s lips. “Thank you, Renji.” He wore a deep blue, silken kimono with silver highlights. It matched his eyes perfectly and if he was handsome all the time, he looked absolutely stunning right now. Renji realized that he had been standing there with his mouth open and forced his jaw shut.

Byakuya threw him another amused look before he accepted the gift and long fingers fumbled at the bow as he eyed it curiously. “Open it”, Renji suggested, his eyes still not leaving the other. Byakuya complied … and stared at the piece of ivory in his hand.

“ _Renji._ ”

Renji finally tore his eyes away from the kimono to look into the noble’s face. Byakuya had never said his name like that before, with so much … _emotion_ , yes that was the right word for it. Byakuya looked straight back into the redhead’s eyes, and Renji saw a storm raging there.

“I thank you, Renji” Byakuya’s voice broke at the last syllable. Relief flooded through Renji and he let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. Seemed like the noble liked his present, quite much so in fact. “Yer welcome”, he grinned. “Though it’s not half as fancy as all th’ other stuff you’ve probably gotten.’

Before Byakuya could form a reply, a group of very colorful (there was no better word to describe their outfits) beauties claimed Byakuya’s attention, piloting him away from the redhead.

Renji felt a tinge of disappointment at having been interrupted, but his grin returned as he detected the other man’s slightly irritated expression. He, too, clearly was not amused to be interrupted in the middle of their conversation. Reminding himself that the noble _was_ the guest of honor today, Renji figured that he probably wouldn’t see Byakuya again for a while. He sighed and began to search for food or Rukia (likely the only person besides Byakuya he knew here), whichever he would find first.

Turned out he’d find both at the same time. Rukia stood before an enormous buffet, placing food on a plate. “Hey, shrimp”, Renji said as a way of greeting and joined her. There was such great variety that Renji did not even know what to choose. Deciding to simply try everything, he began to load a plate of his own. “Ah, the idiot”, Rukia shot back in a low voice, mindful of her tone and their environment.

The pair continued to banter lightly as they searched for a place to sit down and eat. They decided on a wooden bench under a sakura tree which lay a bit aside the main event. “So what are you actually doing here?” Rukia queried, shooting him a curious side glance. “Believe it or not, but your beloved nii-sama invited me.” Renji smirked. “Personally.”

Rukia’s eyes became wide. “Impossible”, muttered. ”He wouldn’t. You’re kidding.” – “Am not”, Renji asserted, smirk widening. ‘This whole event might even turn out somewhat enjoyable.’

“Who is kidding who, my dear?” came a voice out of nowhere. Renji as well as Rukia flinched, turning their heads in unison into the direction from which the voice had come. “Now, now. Didn’t wish to startle you. I do apologize.” There stood a very much amused and not very regretful looking Kyouraku Shunsui.

“Kyouraku-taichou!” The two fukutaichous quickly scrambled to their feet and bowed to the older man. Renji noted relieved that the captain was wearing his uniform, including his haori and the pink gown he always covered his haori with. ‘So I’m not the only person underdressed here.’ For even Rukia was wearing a gorgeous light blue kimono with white dots which must have cost a fortune.

Then something else struck him. “Taichou, you are a noble?”, Renji burst out before he realized the incredible rudeness of the question. He blushed fervently and Rukia had a fit of coughing before she quickly excused herself. ‘Bastard.’

“Yes, Mr. Renji, in fact, I am.” And with an amused wink the captain added “surprising, isn’t it?” Renji’s flush deepened as he thought of a reply that was less offensive than the obvious one.

“As they say, one should never judge a book by its cover, sir” he replied evasively. “How true, Mr. Renji.” The captain seemed to enjoy Renji’s discomfort. “Though this time it is my turn to confess that I would not have pecked you the type to know and use proverbs. Though I beg you not to take offense.”

“No offense taken, sir”, Renji hurried to assure the captain. “Well, that’s good, I suppose”, came the reply. “Then as a reward, would you care to share a drink with me, Mr. Renji?”

“Sure.” Oh, how urgently he needed a drink.

“Are your trying to get my fukutaichou drunk, Kyouraku-taichou?”

Renji spun around, looking slightly guilty. “Taichou!”

“Oh, don’t be like that, Mr. Byakuya”, Kyouraku chided the raven. Byakuya frowned at the casual use of his name. “Very well, in that case you may add me to your little round.” Renji stared. If he didn’t know any better he’d swear the other man was being _jealous_. Good for his health that he knew better.

“If you wish so, Mr. Byakuya.” Renji was impressed at how easily Kyouraku seemed to handle Byakuya. It was quite refreshing to watch. And thus the three of them spend the next few hours drinking (though Byakuya only joined them in between conversing with as it seemed every last guest that had come in honor of his birthday).

\--

Before Renji realized, it had already become late afternoon and he guessed that the party would be over pretty soon. “I will have to excuse myself now” Kyouraku said, tone regretful. “Nanao-chan will have my head if I don’t.” He laughed as if that thought was very amusing to him. “Thank you for your hospitality, Mr. Byakuya. You Kuchiki sure know how to throw a decent party.”

“I am glad you enjoyed yourself”, came the cool reply. And as the other man was out of hearing-range, Byakuya muttered as if to himself “Though their motives are not as innocent”. “What do you mean, taichou?” Slightly startled, Byakuya continued his explanation, tongue loosened by the alcohol “The reason the clan organizes this ridiculously huge celebration for by birthday every year is because they have still not yet given up hope that I will chose one of the numerous women here and marry her. To produce an heir, of course.”

Before Renji could form a reply, his brain activity slowed down considerably by the sake, a high pitched voice beat him to it “And this is what would be best for you, Byakuya darling.” Byakuya froze at the voice, his expression darkening almost impalpably. “Aunt Kimiko, what a nice surprise.”

Renji examined the woman called Kimiko Kuchiki … and almost snorted. ‘Her name fits ‘er perfectly.’ Aunt Kimiko turned out to be a middle-aged woman who must once have been beyond beautiful (and who looked disturbingly like Byakuya). She had big eyes, almost doll-like and of what seemed to be the typical Kuchiki grey, high cheek bones, a small, straight nose, rolling lips and, of course, fair, alabaster skin.

Now, however, she had aged and the wrinkles, together with the cold, stale eyes, the grey hair and the head held high, made her look hard, relentless, _untouchable_. Her whole being screamed nobility.

Ignoring (or not catching) the sarcasm in Byakuya’s voice, Aunt Kimiko continued in her high-pitched voice, persistently disregarding Renji’s existence “ Have you found anyone to your liking today, Byakuya honey?”

“It seems like I will have to disappoint you yet again, my dear lady aunt.” Her completely ignoring Renji had not passed by Byakuya and the rudeness did not bode well with him. “But may I introduce you to my lieutenant, Abarai Renji?”

Aunt Kimiko reluctantly turned away from Byakuya and towards Renji, pursing her lips. “Yes, I have noticed that you chose the presence of … that man over the more adequate one of the numerous charming young ladies present.”

‘Seems like she does not only look like a Kuchiki, but behaves like one, as well.’

“Nice ta meet you, too, Ma’am”, Renji countered calmly, sinking into a deep, sarcastic bow before flashing her a wolfish smile.

Aunt Kimiko’s eyes widened at his grin and she recoiled while looking daggers at him. “What effrontery”, she hissed, eyes fixed on Renji and his tatoos. “You do seem to have a weakness for the … _wild_ ones, Byakuya.” Her tone revealed what she left unsaid: the filthy, the shameful ones, ones that were beneath a Kuchiki, especially the clan leader. Rukongai rats.

That stung. Renji felt his cheeks flush in shame. ‘Damn that woman!’ But like hell he was going to give her the satisfaction of showing her how much she had hit him. He fought the flush back from his face and convinced himself (and the demon inside of him, as zabimaru had started to growl threateningly) that giving that snobbish woman a piece of his mind was _not_ a good idea, as easy as it might me. Hell, he was at least two heads bigger than her and she looked so fragile that he could probably lift her with one hand...

Thankfully, his train of thought was interrupted by a sharp voice. “What are you implying, aunt Kimiko?” Byakuya straightened to his full length and looked down onto the other woman. Said aunt looked at Byakuya with slightly widened eyes and made a step backwards, but did not let herself be intimidated otherwise, as Renji reluctantly had to admit.

In a more appeasing voice she continued “Oh you know what, honey. But there is no need to bring that up again, as thankfully that chapter is finished.” Renji, who had turned his attention to Byakuya, saw the raven’s eyes narrow a fraction. The other Kuchiki was definitely treading on dangerous ground. “You mean Hisana.” Byakuya’s tone was perfectly calm and composed, but Renji heard the underlying warning and saw the tension of his body.

Renji had only heard so much about the previous wife of his captain. He had heard that, like him, she had come from the Rukongai (where she had abandoned her sister Rukia), that she had been ill and had finally died from that illness 50 years ago after having made Byakuya promise before to look after her sister, and that her death had hit Byakuya hard. All in all, had she been the worst possible marriage candidate for Byakuya from the Kuchiki’s point of view.

“Don’t you speak that name!”, His aunt spat, flaring at Byakuya. “The name of that … thing who spun you around her little finger with her dirty little tricks, forced her way into the family and then did not even manage to fulfill a woman’s first duty!”

Byakuya’s expression was completely blank, his eyes, however, were almost of a black color now, Renji noticed. ‘This is not good.’ “Do I have to remind you”, the noble began, ice cold eyes fixed on his aunt, “where your place is, aunt Kimiko?” His voice was so sharp that Renji half expected the woman to be cut by it physically. Aunt Kimiko’s eyes widened.

The two Kuchiki stared at each other for a long moment before Kuchiki Kimiko cast her eyes downwards. Renji sighed in relief. But the woman still did not seem to have given up completely. “I guess it was for the best that no heir was born. God knows what kind of monstrosity would have been born into the Kuchiki family otherwise.”

A sharp flare of reiatsu answered her last comment, the force of which brought the woman to her knees. But as quickly as the outburst had come, Byakuya seemed to have himself under control again. Renji stared at the noble, much surprised to see the other man’s control slip to this extent. Sure, this aunt of his was being a pest, alright, but the Byakuya he knew did not lose his composure over a few uncalled-for comments.

Renji sucked in a surprised breath at what he saw: The raven had paled and his hands trembled. It was ever so slightly, but it was definitively there. And immediately he knew that something was very wrong. To his concern contributed that the noble had not yet replied to put his aunt back in her place and he realized that he needed to get Byakuya out of here. Fast, before the other man lost it. And without debasing him in front of his clan.

He cleared his throat. “Sorry ta interfere, but I just received message from Hitsugaya-taichou. We are to meet up with him immediately, details will be revealed during the meeting. He said that he was already on the way to the estate. I am sorry to interrupt Kuchiki-taichou’s birthday celebration, but we should return to the mansion and receive Hitsugaya-taichou immediately.”

Byakuya shot Renji a side glance, confusion visible in his eyes. He would have detected if a hell butterfly had visited them. He would not have missed something of such importance, even if distracted. Renji looked back at him, trying hard to convey his plan to the other man though his eyes.

It seemed to work as he meant to have seen relief flashing across his face for a fraction of a second, before Byakuya turned his attention back to his aunt. “It seems the festivities end here, my esteemed aunt. Would you be so kind as to inform the rest of the guests that they are free to let themselves out? Tell them that I am terribly sorry to have to excuse myself on such short notice but that I have pressing division matters to see to.”

Without awaiting her reply, Byakuya turned on his heels and strode in direction of the mansion, leaving behind a gaping Kuchiki Kimiko. Remembering etiquette, Renji managed a quick bow to the noble woman before following Byakuya, keeping a respectful distance mindful of the fact that half the people present had noticed and were watching their departure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Kimiko' means 'noble child'. Quite fitting for a snobbish Kuchiki, ne?


	12. After-party, But Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji brings Byakuya back to his chambers...

Renji was not sure exactly what he was expected to do now. They were out of sight of the other party guests by now and as there wasn’t actually any urgent meeting taking place, Renji didn’t know if he should follow the noble inside the mansion or if he should rather excuse himself and take a leave.

He shot a glance at Byakuya who had not spoken a word since they had started walking. The noble still wore his usual mask of indifference, but if Renji looked really close, he could still detect the slight trembling of the other man’s hands and the tension the raven carried himself with. The man was clearly uncharacteristically deranged. There was no way Renji could leave him by himself in such a state.

\--

The noble did not comment on Renji following him into the estate and, in fact, ignored him completely as he headed for his private chambers. Once there, he entered them without sparing Renji so much as a glance. Renji, unsure if it was ok for him to invade Byakuya’s private space, stopped at the doorstep. Better test the ground first.

“Taichou?”, he queried softly, but he didn’t receive a reply. ‘Seems like this is even worse than I first thought. He seems ta be completely out of it.’ He waited a few moments for good measure, quietly observing Byakuya and taking in his surroundings.

It was the first time he caught sight of Byakuya’s bedroom. He was surprised to find out that it was decorated rather modest and spartan, though everything was of the very best quality, as even Renji’s untrained eye noticed and he ultimately felt heavily out of place in his dirty, sweaty uniform.

As it became obvious that he would no longer receive a reply, Renji set foot into the room, slowly approaching Byakuya who had seated himself on the side of his bed and who had taken to staring onto the floor absentmindedly. Only as the redhead came to stand directly in front of him, Byakuya flinched, as if he had completely forgotten about Renji and was now ruggedly reminded of said man's presence. Then he seemed to collect himself again somewhat.

“Thank you for helping me elude my family. You may leave now, Renji. Your presence is no longer required.” This statement, however, was devaluated by a soft tremor in the raven’s voice.

‘As if.’

“But yer not fine at all, taichou”, Renji risked, inching a step closer to the noble. Byakuya finally lifted his head to stare at Renji.

“Renji, go home.”

“No.” Renji stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest. ‘You need me’. Though he knew better than to say that out-loud. “Ya won’t get rid of me.“ To stress his point, Renji sat down beside Byakuya, knees and shoulders almost touching the raven. The other man turned away from him in response and lowered his head once more, eyes refocusing on the floor.

“Abarai, _leave_.” His tone left no doubt about the warning his words held.

“I won’t”, the redhead replied softly, slowly and deliberately draping an arm around the noble’s shoulders, ignoring the way the other man stiffened and tried to back away even further. “I will not – I cannot – leave ya. I never will.”

Renji had not expected the choked sound that followed his statement. He shot a side glance at Byakuya, shortly stupefied, before repeating his declaration.

“I will never leave ya alone!”

In that moment, the other man’s mask seemed to disappear, some of the impermeable barriers crashing down and Renji saw complete and utter loneliness, sadness and despair.

\--

Byakuya hated himself this instant. Well, at least he would have if he had had enough strength to do so. But all of his strength seemed to have been sucked out at the redhead’s statement. Emotions he had hidden in the depths of his heart for so long came rushing to the surface and overwhelmed him completely, making him unable to keep them from showing on his face. How did Renji _do_ that? Why was it that when he was with the redhead, he couldn’t help but _feel?_

Byakuya didn’t _want_ to feel. But his body betrayed him and next thing he knew, Renji was holding him in a light embrace, mindful of the other man’s feelings towards restrictiveness. And Byakuya found himself unable to push the redhead away, as much as his indignant mind wished to do so. Instead, his hand reached up and clutched at the other’s kosode while he desperately fought for breath.

\--

Renji’s heart clenched painfully at the expression on Byakuya’s face and all he could focus on right now was that he had to make that unbearable expression disappear. What did a person have to go through in order to make such a face? ‘t’ death of a loved one, a woman he’s loved more than his own life, according ta what I’ve heard’, he answered his own question. ‘And she wasted away right in front ‘a his eyes, slowly, painfully while he was unable ta do anythin’ other than watch.’

He knew the feeling of having to watch the death of a loved one all too well. Rukia and he had lost all of their ‘family members’ back in the Rukongai. They had been killed or had died otherwise one after another, no matter how hard he had fought to protect them. He had failed them as a big brother. And Byakuya felt that he had failed as a husband, failed to protect the person he had cared about the most and was now feeling left behind, abandoned.

Renji looked at the man in his arms who suddenly seemed so much smaller and more fragile and withstood the urge to tighten his hold. Such an action would immediately lead to the other man recoiling. Thus, he satisfied himself with drawing in a steadying breath and tracing slow patterns onto the raven’s back in a calming gesture as he let Byakuya hang on to him. His other hand had found the noble’s hair, stroking silky strands. He did not comment as Byakuya buried his head into the crook of his neck and stayed mute as he felt something hot dripping onto his skin. He just held the slightly shaking noble quietly and whispered: “I promise you I’ll always be there.” 

‘Ya won’t be alone ever again. I won’t allow it.’

They stayed like this for a long time. When Byakuya had finally calmed down a bit and had regained some of his control, he stiffly backed away from Renji while keeping his head lowered, his fingers trembling slightly as he removed them from their iron grip on Renji’s kosode. He didn't say a word, but he didn't need to. Renji understood. Byakuya wanted him to leave now, he _needed_ him to.

It hurt Renji to see the other man still so obviously in pain, but he understood that the worst part was over and that Byakuya would have to deal with the rest by himself. ‘Like he has probably done all these years until now.’ The thought caused his heart to contract painfully yet again. ‘Makes me wonder if there'll ever be a point where he'll let me, where he'll _want_ me ta stay. Where he'll trust me.’

As Renji left the room after a last soft kiss on Byakuya’s head (since the other man still refused to reveal his face), Renji swore a second time that he'd take good care of the noble, that he'd proof his worthiness.

\--

Byakuya was dumbfounded. He had not cried in over a century. He had not even cried at Hisana’s funeral. Actually, he had come to believe that he was not capable of tears any longer. But here he had been, crying into Renji’s shoulder without restraint, whilst clinging onto the other man. 

He was disgusted with himself. He had betrayed Hisana with his behavior. And how could he have steeped so low? Had it been the alcohol? 

But as he wrecked his brains about why things had turned out the way they had and how to face his lieutenant tomorrow with a shred of dignity (he may have to kill him), he drifted into a slumber, sleeping as deeply as he hadn’t done in a long, long time.


	13. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day, Byakuya observs Renji while the redhead drills their squad...

Renji stayed awake for a long time that night. Besides wondering if the raven haired was coping fine on his own, he couldn’t get the picture of a shaken Byakuya out of his mind. He had chased the man for years. Byakuya had always seemed blindingly bright and unreachable to him, in fact very much like the moon the man had once compared himself to. And even after Renji had gotten closer to the man, after they had started a relationship, the raven had still appeared equally strong, powerful, _unyielding_. Never before had Renji seen the other so shattered, so _open_. He had felt small and frail in Renji’s arms and it had shocked the redhead more than he liked to admit. It was already dawn when sleep finally found him.

\--

Renji knew that today would turn out to be another awkward day in the office. He knew that they would both ignore what happened yesterday (as almost seemed to be a pact between them by now), that Byakuya would be feeling extremely embarrassed and humiliated at Renji having seen him at a low. Renji sighed and asked himself for the umpteenth time why the other man had to be so pride-bound.

In the office, it was exactly as Renji had predicted. Byakuya couldn’t even meet his eyes and he flinched back slightly as Renji reached out to gently stroke over Byakuya’s cheek with his fingertips in greeting. Renji sighed again.

He lifted the noble’s chin with the hand still resting on the man’s face and forced the raven to look him in the eye. At the same time he grabbed the other’s hand with his free one, giving it a soft squeeze. Staring at the other man intently, he tried to convey to Byakuya silently that he had not sunk in his esteem in any way after last night, that he still felt the same way about him and that, if anything, he loved the man even more now.

Byakuya stared at him wordlessly, eyes cold and unexpressive. Then a squeeze so light that Renji wasn’t sure if he had just imagined it reached his hand. Byakuya had understood. Now there was nothing more that Renji could do, only time would bring Byakuya around, and he might as well occupy himself in the meantime. Besides, he could really use some rigorous training. Thus, he withdrew his hands from the noble, who again quickly cast his eyes downwards, turned on his heels and went outside to give their squad a thorough drilling.

\--

Renji felt sweaty strands of his crimson hair stick to his forehead. He was breathing heavily. Around him, all the other squad members lay scattered on the ground. ‘That was nice.’ Out loud he said, sheathing zabimaru “Get up ya weak pack. We’re not done yet. If ya can’t even defeat me, ya clearly need more trainin’. ” Groaning answered him. “What are you? A demon?” one of them murmured, slightly grumpy.

Renji bared his teeth in a toothy grin. “Exactly.” The other grew silent at that, staring at Renji wide-eyed. “For real?”, another one asked. Renji shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to get into the topic any further. “Well, would make sense, you’ve seen his bankai”, a third squad member voiced sounding more admiring than appalled by the idea.

Despite their griping just now, they actually liked and respected their lieutenant a lot, and that not only because of his strength. They also acknowledged his hard work and agreeable and helpful personality. Additionally, he was the only man in the squad who did not seem to be intimidated by their captain, owning him not just additional esteem but also causing more than a few of the squad members to come to Renji with their division business instead of going directly to the captain with it, even if they should. And since this prevented Byakuya from having to deal with more different people than strictly necessary, he accepted this arrangement tacitly. It was a win-win situation, really (even for Renji, who, even if he had more work this way, could at least deal with a better tempered captain).

Tuning out his squad members who began analyzing his zanpakutou and to what extent it could be called a demon, Renji let his gaze wander around the sixth, finally settling on the office he shared with Byakuya. And he discovered that no one other than the captain personally stood there observing his training session.

\--

Renji noded curtly in Byakuya’s direction in acknowledgement. Seeing that he had been found out, Byakuya’s eyes averted themselves before the noble could suppress the action. Realizing the same moment how that had to look, he flushed slightly. Renji grinned. The other man behaved kind of like a child who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He couldn’t help but find the behavior of the other man sweet. Then he snorted. ‘To me, one of the deadliest shinigami in all of Seireitei is cute. There is definitively something wrong with me.’ At least he wasn’t so far gone yet that he would dare tell the man.

He was more than a little surprised when the noble began to approach the training grounds and declared in that passionate way of his that he’d take over the rest of the training. Byakuya was not usually one to help with training sessions as he was much too impatient for the task. Normally, Renji had to almost beg him to show some of his techniques or to just oversee the training, giving advice here and there. But the redhead didn’t bother asking questions he knew he wouldn’t get an answer to and just complied and stood back.

“When it comes to fighting, physical strength is not all that counts, as one might come to believe when looking at lieutenant Abarai” A few members grinned at Renji and said redhead fought back the urge to struck his tongue out at the noble. Byakuya continued unfazed: “There are other sources of power for a warrior, one of which, which as it has occurred to me has been very much neglected in your training, is kido.”

Renji suppressed a groan. He had always been and would always be bad at kido. This whole concentrating with precision and delicacy was just not his thing. He had always been more of a straight-forward fighter. But he knew first-hand that Byakuya was a master at kido and it was true that it would do the squad real good to brush up their mediocre kido skills.

Renji felt a tinge of bad conscience flash through him. He took no small amount of pride in the fact that their squad was one of the most skilled in all of the Gotei 13, not least because of his training, but if they had had another lieutenant, their skills would probably have been much better in that particular field. He made a mental note to introduce more kido practice in the future as not to drag the whole squad down because of a personal weakness in (and dislike for) the practice.

While he had been daydreaming, Byakuya had finished talking and now began with the actual training. He beckoned Renji over to assist him. ‘Great. He’s goin’ ta finish me off in front ‘a the whole squad.’ Surrendering to his fate, he went to stand to face the other man, leaving a few meters between them. “You will attack me, Renji, to render the situation more realistic. But no shikai and no bankai, understood?’ Renji nodded.

All the other members had formed a semi-circle around the pair by now, looking at Byakuya in admiring expectation. Byakuya signaled Renji that he was to begin. Renji unsheathed zabimaru and let out a low growl as he lunged at Byakuya head on.

Byakuya didn’t bat an eye as he flash stepped, elegantly avoiding Renji’s blow, not even bothering to unsheathe senbonzakura. Renji felt another grumble deep in his chest and he spun around, launching a new attack. This time, however, he only faked the frontal attack and swung to the right at the last moment. Renji allowed himself a small grin as Byakuya had to unsheathe senbonzakura this time to block his attack and there was a loud clashing sound as the two zanpakuto met. ‘Damn. Why does he still block me so easily?’

The force of the clash had driven each of the two backwards a few meters. But before Renji had collected himself enough to come anew, Byakuya made his move. Renji did not detect him before the man was already behind him. ‘It’s those moments that you realize why he’s a captain.’ He heard the crowd murmur approvingly. Renji quickly swung zabimaru around and managed to block the raven’s blow, if barely. The muscles in his arms screamed and he felt zabimaru snarl depreciatively.

_‘Sorry, my fault. ‘M goin’ ta be more careful from now on.’_

He reverted his attention back to Byakuya who looked at him with something resembling amusement glistering in his eyes. ‘Has he heard zabimaru? Nah, that’s impossible.’

Changing his tactic, Renji charged forward once more, but with so much force that Byakuya was slightly thrown off balance. He used this moment to flash step behind Byakuya, mimicking the other’s earlier move, and aimed for the hollow of Byakuya’s knee. Byakuya’s eyes widened slightly. He turned, but as he realized that he would not be able to get senbonzakura up in time to block, he extended the fingers of one hand and murmured “Bakudou 61, Rikujōkōrō.” Numerous breath caught.

Immediately, six thin, wide beams of light shot out of the noble’s slender fingers and slammed with enough force into Renji’s midsection to throw him to the ground and hold him there. Pain shot in a wave through his whole body and it took all Renji had not to cry out.

Damn. Did Byakuya want to kill him?! Then the situation he currently found himself in sunk in and Renji felt shame rising in his gut as Byakuya looked down on him with a blank, passive expression while the rest of the squad broke out in lout cheers.

And then it hit him. He had thought that this hold seemed familiar and now he knew why. It had been the one Byakuya had used on him when they had fought during Rukia’s trial, when the noble had told Renji a little story about the moon and the monkey. ‘The difference between us is class, huh?’ Renji snorted at the irony of this situation.

But as Byakuya continued to look down on him, Renji was hit by a second revelation and he grew cold with comprehension. This was no coincidence, Byakuya had used this spell deliberately, with cold-blooded calculation. He knew Renji would get the meaning without anyone else doing so. ‘Shit. This is messed up.’ This, this whole training session, was retribution for last night, he realized. Well, not retribution, more like re-establishing of authority, Renji corrected himself, never taking his eyes off Byakuya’s. The message was clear: ‘I’m still in control. I’m above you.’

Renji felt his stomach turn. His face must have somehow shown what was going on inside of him, must have told Byakuya that he had understood, for the man finally turned away. “This technique is called Rikujōkōrō. It is the 61. bakudo, meaning it is used for defending oneself. It renders the target unable to move any part of its body, even the ones untouched by the rods. It is highly efficient as it is not easily broken, even by a strong opponent, and it is quite simple to perform. Train.”

With that he left his squad behind and walked back towards his office. His squad members, being used to such peculiar training lessons from their captain, let the man leave and simply started rehearsing the spell by themselves. Even without the incantation this one would prove useful in battle.

Another reason for the lack of protest besides the taichou’s intimidating nature was the tension between the captain and his fukutaichou which had been almost palpable just now. Though of course they had not grasped what exactly was going on, the squad had indeed realized that lately there had been a change in the relationship between their two strongest members. Things between them had gotten more … extreme.

Overall, things had improved drastically between the two of them over the last few years, since Rukia’s trial actually. But now, as soon as one could almost call them friends, they would have another one of their fights. This had repeated itself again and again and the member’s really didn’t know if those two were friends or enemies anymore by now, or rivals for that matter.

The squad had seen Renji leave in a fit of anger, heard the crashing of walls or other objects or felt sudden angry surges of reiatsu more than once. And seeing as no one else in the squad dared to even so much as backtalk to Byakuya, let alone fight with the man, the redhead’s behavior really stood out and it had brought the redhead a strange kind of respect or admiration from his squad members.

\--

Byakuya felt his heart racing as he walked back to the office. He convinced himself that this had been a strictly necessary thing to do, to re-establish certain boundaries. After last night. He had to fight down a blush at the shameful reminder. Things had really gone out of control between them. The redhead had become dangerously close to him and nothing good would come out of continuing down that path. He was doing this not just for himself but for both of their sakes, he told himself. Still, the look of comprehension and hurt on Renji’s face stubbornly refused to disappear from his mind …

\--

Renji, freed the moment Byakuya had turned and walked away, continued to lie in the dirt for a moment longer, unable to find the strength to get up yet. ‘What the fuck just happened?’ He knew that yesterday had been a severe blow to the other man’s high pride and a breach in the rules he had built for himself, but that just now had certainly come out of the blue. Especially as he had thought after their little encounter this morning that things were fine between them, given the circumstances. But apparently the other man had different thoughts on the matter. The noble apparently felt threatened enough to need to put Renji back into his place.

The thought did not sit well with Renji. And the fact that he had been brought to his knees and rendered helpless in front of their whole division did not make things any better. Even he had his pride, dammit.

After the initial hurt, Renji felt anger rise inside of him. He was pissed, royally so. Why did the noble always have to bring this domination shit into their relationship and ruin everything? This was fucked up. A fucked up man and a fucked up relationship. No way he was going to let that slide, though.

The redhead picked himself up and went after Byakuya, steps determined, ready to give the noble a piece of his mind.


	14. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji goes to confront Byakuya about what happened on the training field...

At the office, Renji entered without knocking, strode straight to Byakuya’s desk and leaned forward, placing both hands on wood. “What the fuck was that just now, taichou?”

“What do you mean, Renji?”Byakuya looked up from his desk, cool and composed eyes meeting gleaming auburn ones.

“Don’t pull that crap on me, ya know exactly what I mean.”, Renji spat out, not ready to play one of the noble’s games right now.

Byakuya’s lips curled slightly. “And what would that be?”

“What was up with yer fucking power-play back there?” Renji sneered.

“Do not use that tone with me, Renji”, Byakuya hissed, his calm slowly disappearing. He carefully put away the brush he had been holding and fully concentrated on the redhead in front of him.

“Then don’t make me have to”, Renji challenged. “I already told you that I won’t take your fucking dominance shit and I meant it.” Then his tone became softer. He had not come just to yell at Byakuya (though _hell_ had that felt good). As he had understood, Byakuya was feeling out of control right now after having been forcefully reminded of his beloved late wife yesterday and consecutively having broken down, and that in front of Renji.

“I know that yesterday has damaged yer honor or dignity or whatever and that ya want to regain it, but that’s how ye’re do it? You regaining control over yerself through regaining it over _me_ by pushin’ me down is not somethin’ the Kuchiki taichou I know and respect would do.” His voice was almost a murmur by now. “You’re better than that.”

“You are not to speak to me with such familiarity and forwardness.” Byakuya’s voice was cold and disapproving. He rose from his desk as if to enforce his statement and the glare he threw Renji left no room for interpretation. Renji blinked and stared at Byakuya incredulously. _That_ was all the reply he was going to get?

The redhead opened his mouth to tell the other man what he thought of his behavior when he detected the soft tremble of the noble’s fingers. He saw how the noble stood so straight that it had to hurt, how the muscles in his jaw moved and how it tugged treacherously at the corner of the noble’s mouth.

The redhead’s own mouth fell shut again as it clicked. The noble was still hurting. Badly. And the incident earlier on the training ground had been a result of that, an attempt of Byakuya to re-build the walls that had broken down yesterday, that Renji had contributed to breaking down. He realized that this was the way the raven had chosen to deal with the pain, to once again suppress.

Renji’s heart contracted forcefully. So much to his plan to let the noble handle it on his own. It seemed like he would not be able to avoid talking to the man. A more than precarious project, especially since the redhead had never been known for his tact. ‘I really do have a death wish.’

“Why are ya doing this?”, he whispered. “I’m sure this is not what _she_ would’ve wanted.” Byakuya flinched and a hounded expression flashed across his face. He did not have to ask who Renji referred to.

“Why do this to yerself?” Byakuya’s face closed off, returning to its usual blank expression. “This does not concern you. This is for me to deal with. It is my business and mine alone.” His voice was monotone, almost hollow, with just a hint of warning and defiance.

“So ya mean you should just go back to suppressin’ everything? _That’s_ yer way of ‘dealing’, right? Great solution, congratulations. Anyone can see how that’s worked out for ya so far.” Byakuya flinched once more and Renji snorted. Bull’s eye. Then he continued, softer: “ I know how much losin’ someone ya care ‘bout hurts, but...”

“Stop, Renji.” Byakuya cut him off. “Don’t you _dare_.” He looked at Renji with a glare that had Renji imagining bad things, but the redhead continued:

“Do ya think that _she_ would have wanted ya ta stop going on with yer life and shut yerself in? Just _look_ at yerself. Ya are like some kinda livin' zombie!"

Byakuya’s eyes darkened until they were black, narrow slits. They brimmed with anger and such an overload of other emotions that Renji had no chance of identifying more of them before the noble turned his head to the side, breaking eye contact. The man’s hands clenched into tight fists, fingernails painfully digging into palms before he opened them again. He hunched ever so slightly before forcefully straightening his back again.

His whole being screamed of the inner fight that was going on inside the man, how he desperately struggled to regain his composure, to pull up the walls once more, the mask. The raven’s posture (and his earlier words at that) certainly did _not_ encourage further prying and meddling. But thinking that it was already too late to turn back now and that he might as well finish what he had started, the redhead gulped audibly and (as he hoped inconspicuously) wiped his sweaty palms off on his hakama before he went on:

“Ya cannot hide in yer shell forever, taichou. Ya have ta start livin’ again! _She_ would’ve wanted that.” The responding flare of reiatsu made the wooden walls of the office crackle and almost sent Renji to his knees. The air suddenly seemed too thick for breathing and a scent of menace lay in the room. ‘That's going well’, Renji thought sarcastically.

Byakuya looked terrifying .. and terrified. He looked both, Renji observed, as Byakuya shut his eyes and grabbed the edge of his desk, as if for support. His knuckles turned white immediately, so forceful was his grip. He had turned an unhealthy ash-grey as all the blood had left his face. Even his lips, which moved as if forming soundless words, were thin and bloodless.

\--

Byakuya pressed his eyes shut. His insides clamped and clenched until everything he was was pain. He felt like he was being torn apart from the inside, like the world came crashing down on him. His head swirled and if he hadn’t been so used to suppressing every and all emotions, he would have screamed by now. But as it was, he remained silent, tried not to let anything show on the outside. He could not grasp, though, if he succeeded or not. And to a certain degree he seized to care. Some small part of him even _wanted_ to show, to let Renji know of his agony, to let him soothe the pain away. This part of him wanted to believe in and follow the redhead’s words.

But another, bigger part knew that he couldn’t let that happen. That he had to get a hold on himself and once again be the strong, stoic, _impeccable_ captain of the sixth division and head of the Kuchiki clan that everyone knew. He had expectations to fulfill, expectations others had of him and expectations he had of himself. And he would not abandon them because of weakness, would not shame himself like that.

Byakuya pried his eyes open again, straightened his back by pure force of will and deliberately got his hands to let go of the desk where they had left small dents in the wood. Then he started to approach Renji, fixing the other man’s eyes with his.

\--

Renji saw Byakuya close in on him silently and fear quickly took a hold of him. His throat was dry and raspy and he felt shivers run up and down his spine. This is how a cornered animal had to feel. The aura radiating from Byakuya was dark and it wasn’t hard to the find the murderous intent in it.

Renji guessed that every last member of the squad must have realized by now that something was wrong. Maybe he should call for help since it really did not look too good for him. But as nobody had interrupted them until now, Renji suspected that the other members were forgoing their office, not wanting to place themselves into the crossfire. This was not an option then. He should maybe not have made those comments about the guy’s dead wife, the topic clearly was a landmine.

Renji was still staring at Byakuya, panicking and clueless, when he suddenly saw it. And then it was painfully clear what he had to do, what the other man needed. He stopped backing away from the nearing man but instead breached the distance and caught the other man, encircling him with his arms, and held him to his chest as tightly as he dared. “ _She_ would’ve wished for ya ta be happy. And so do I,” he murmured into the raven’s ear.

Byakuya stiffened at the touch, eyes widening in surprise and confusion. Renji saw the battle in the noble’s eyes and reckoned that he would be pushed away (and quite possibly killed subsequently), but Bya stayed still, even if stiff as a board. And after a while, the menacing aura began to lessen and eventually subsided fully as the noble calmed down, reigning his reiatsu back in.

What was left was utter silence, only filled by a deep, relieved exhale on Renji’s part. The redhead continued to hold the other man, careful to never tighten his hold too much. He in fact did not dare to do much of anything, because unlike yesterday, the other man did not move or make a sound and merely carried on to stand there.

And Renji could not shake off the feeling that in this moment, the man decided whether he should trust him or not, whether to let go, if only a little. “It’s just me”, the redhead whispered softly. “Ya don’t have ta hold back, I’ve got ya.”

‘Please lean on me, depend on me, I’ll always be there for ya. There is no need for ya to hide and hurt alone anymore ‘cause I’ll be here ta help you face yer demons.’

Byakuya felt angry and confused. He wanted to push the redhead away, to punish him adequately, but found that his body would not obey him. The redhead was _too warm_ , a warmth Byakuya did not understand, but realized he craved. And at Renji’s words, spoken and unspoken, he finally understood that Renji only wanted his best, that Renji might just be trustworthy. He realized that, unlike himself and unlike those around him, Renji did not perceive this to be shameful, that it may be ok, safe, if it was with him.

“Thank you.” The words were spoken so silently that Renji almost didn’t catch them. As the words sunk in, Renji felt relief wash through him. Byakuya had comprehended.

The next moment, however, the noble was gone and Renji found himself staring into space, slightly disappointed. Then he chided himself. The noble would not start to spill his heart to Renji starting right this moment. He knew now that Renji was there for him but it was up to him to take the redhead up on that offer. And Renji strongly hoped that he would, for Renji knew that things were far from solved. Byakuya wasn’t over Hisana yet, in fact it seemed like he had only just started mourning her. But all in all, Renji hoped that he had started to process things, that this was progress.

And with the thought in mind that he wanted to become Byakuya’s stepping stone, Renji threw himself into work, determined to prove the noble that he was not just all talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of this chapter was inspired by a story called 'Black-and-red-conflict' by ghostraven. It is a beautiful fic and for those of you who enjoy long ByaRen as much as I do, you should definitely go and read it!


	15. Visit To The Thirteenth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji makes a visit to the thirteenth division to talk to Ukitake...

Hours later, dusk was already settling over Seireitei, Renji finally allowed himself to turn in for the day. Well, that only meant terminate work, because the redhead still had one more thing in mind for tonight. He locked the windows and doors of the office (not that anyone was be stupid enough to break into Kuchiki Byakuya’s office, even the thugs at the eleventh knew better than that) and made his way to the 13th division.

He had a few things he wanted to talk about with their captain, Ukitake Juushirou. Being Byakuya’s former captain, Renji took a lucky guess and hoped that the man who had known Byakuya for a much long time than he had would be able to tell him one or two things about the raven.

Despite the hour, he was lead into the captain’s chamber (since the sickly man spent his days resting in here as much as possible) right away and the white-haired man greeted him with the gentle smile that usually graced his face. “Do come in, Renji.”

Renji bowed respectfully and obliged, apologizing for the late intrusion as he entered. “Ah, pay it no mind, I actually did feel quite bored before you came. I’ve slept too much during the day, you see. So this is a nice surprise”, the white-haired man assured him, beckoning him to an array of cushions in the room. “I do believe you have a reason for your visit, though?”, he added with a wink.

Renji cleared his throat. “Yeah, I do. I…” The white-haired shinigami held a hand up to interrupt him. “Please wait a moment, I will get us some tea first.” Renji stopped obediently and as the other man returned and seated himself onto the cushions opposite to Renji, the redhead stared at the cup of tea which he cradled in both hands, unsure how to start.

The captain looked at him, curiosity showing on his face, and as it seemed that the other man would remain quiet, he offered softly “I believe this is somehow related to Byakuya?”

Renji nodded hesitantly, slightly caught off guard. He wanted to ask the captain about Hisana, but preferably without revealing his relationship with Byakuya. Not that he did not trust the man, but he was sure that Byakuya would not like other people knowing about them. And telling Ukitake would ultimately mean telling Kyouraku. And Renji was not sure if _he_ could be trusted. For some reason, Renji had always found the man to be somewhat eerie and he liked meddling in others' business too much for Renji’s taste.

“Could you tell me what you know about what happened ‘bout 60 years ago?” The other shinigami looked at him, surprised. Then his face hardened, insofar possible for the soft features. “Why do you ask about that, Renji?” Renji blushed. “I … well, that is Kuchiki taichou … you see …” the redhead stuttered.

The white-haired shinigami’s features mellowed again. “I understand. Of course, how silly of me.” Now it was Renji’s turn to look at the white-haired man in surprise. ‘Fuck. Does he know? Nah, that’s impossible. Or not?’ He peered at Ukitake.

Seeing Renji’s panic, the captain hurried to add “Oh, don’t worry, dear. Your secret is safe with us.” Shit. He _does_ know. Oh, well as long as it stayed between them… Wait.

“Who is ‘us’, taichou?”, Renji burst out.

“Oh, Shunsui and me, of course”, the white-haired smiled.

Renji snorted. ‘ ‘course. Who else?’

“How did ya find out?” the redhead blurted out next. He knew he should probably deny the other man’s assumptions, but given his shitty poker face resulting from his tendency to wear all of his emotions on his sleeve, he abandoned the idea again. The other man wouldn’t believe him anyway. The ‘why’ seemed thus much more important. They had never talked about it but they had both been extra careful to avoid raising any suspicions. They had never touched or even talked much if not alone and enclosed by four walls (and even then they had drawn the curtains). Byakuya actually pretty much ignored him completely in public.

“Well, you can’t fool two old stagers, my dear.” Ukitake smiled mildly, kind of like a teacher would look at his student and Renji found that it somehow pissed him off.

Despite his statement just now, Ukitake didn’t seem to notice the redhead’s feelings, though, and he continued “But don’t let that worry you and distract you from why you have come here. Please do continue.”

It took Renji a moment to remember exactly why he had come. “Uh, yeah, I’d like ta know what exactly happened between the captain and his late wife.” Ukitake furrowed his brows. “Everything I know? Though that is not much, I’m afraid.” When Renji just nodded, he continued “Well, Byakuya was quite hot-blooded as a child, even if one wouldn’t believe it, looking at him now.” He smiled fondly at the memory and Renji nodded again. “So you may be able to imagine that one day after a fight with his grandfather, Ginrei Kuchiki, the former captain of the sixth division and the clan head before Byakuya, Byakuya fled outside of Seireitei.” Ukitake leaned back into a more comfortable position.

“And this is where he met Hisana, a petite, starving girl. I don’t know many details of how they met and what exactly happened afterwards, but I imagine that they started seeing each other more often until they fell in love. Byakuya was 186 by then and thus already at a marriageable age. And his clan _did_ want him to marry, desperately so, as it had already been decided that he would be the new clan head. But of course to the Kuchiki family a woman from Inuzuri was an unacceptable partner for their future head. And this is when Ginrei-sama fell ill and passed away shortly after.”

Ukitake had to disrupt his story-telling because of a coughing fit. Renji leaned over and awkwardly patted the other man on the back until he had calmed down. Then, the white-haired man continued: “Immediately after he had become the clan head, Byakuya simply ignored the will of the rest of the clan and married Hisana. This action, of course, resulted in a huge turmoil. It took on such proportions that all of Seireitei had the pleasure of witnessing it.” Ukitake grimaced and Renji could picture this just all too well.

“But Byakuya could not care less about any of it and he lead a happy life with his new wife. Their happiness however, as you well know, was short-lived.” A shadow settled on the captain’s face. “After only five short years of marriage, Hisana fell terribly ill and passed away one spring morning.” The shadow was replaced with commiseration. “Byakuya was devastated and has not been the same since. He seemed to have closed off his heart completely, despite our best efforts to keep him from doing so.“

The other man looked so guilty and outright miserable that Renji had to resist the urge to reach out to the other’s hand and pat it. Then Ukitake’s gaze fell upon Renji and his face brightened again. “But now he seems to have found someone to share his feelings with and we can stop worrying. Please do treat him well.” Renji could not picture the ever-smiling and goading Kouraku wearing a worried expression, by no stretch of his imagination.

Renji did not know how else to respond than nod. So he did and Ukitake seemed to be satisfied with his response. He did not think that, given the circumstances, it was a good idea to tell the white-haired that Byakuya had not shown all that much desire to share his feelings with the redhead so far.

Instead, Renji got up from the pillows and made to leave, mindful of the fact that the ailing man looked exhausted from their conversation. “Then I will take my leave, taichou. Thank you for takin’ time for me.” He bowed at the still smiling Ukitake. “You’re very welcome, Renji. Stop by again anytime, even if it is only for a little chat.”

Renji nodded in vague agreement and turned to walk away. “Wait, Renji”, Ukitake stopped him. “If you should ever … require help, please really do not hesitate to ask. I know that Byakuya can be a little …” he trailed off. Renji’s eyes widened as he understood what the other man was implying. Then he narrowed them again as he felt spite well up inside of him. The other man made it sound like he couldn’t take care of his own affairs, dammit.

“Thank you for the offer, sir, but I don’t think that’ll be necessary”, he managed. The white-haired observed him, his expression slightly aggrieved. He looked like he wanted to say more, but then changed his mind. “In that case, good night, Renji.”

Renji bowed wordlessly and tramped into the night. On his way back, he went over their conversation once more in his mind. He had not learned as much has he had hoped he would, but he _had_ found out a few details at least and one never knew when they might come in handy. He felt that when it came to understanding Byakuya, he could use every little piece of information he could get, especially since the man did not talk about himself much, if at all.

And dammit. Despite their caution, those two had discovered the change in their relationship. And in the future, more people were sure to do the same. Renji didn’t really mind, though, it was Byakuya who did. They had not and did not need to talk about it, the noble’s behavior made it all more than clear. Maybe he should sometime start preparing Byakuya for the fact that they would not be able to keep this a secret forever, that they would have to come clean someday, especially in front of Rukia. He cringed at the thought and had to suppress a pained groan. _That_ was a conversation he was absolutely _not_ looking forward to, telling his best friend since forever that he was dating the brother she admired to the point of worshiping.


	16. Captain's and lieutenant's meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya and Renji attend a captain's and lieutenant's meeting at receive some big news...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came out kinda short, but I'm not really happy with the rest yet and it would have taken forever to update otherwise. So please bare with me :-)

Byakuya seemed to have caught himself again somewhat after their last confrontation. Renji did catch him several times staring into space with what could be a melancholic expression, but mostly he was back to his old slave-driver self, as Renji had the joy of experiencing first-hand. The noble virtually showered him with work (at least more demanding work than last time) until Renji vaguely suspected that this was some kind of twisted, hidden payback for embarrassing the other man. Because, well, who knew with Byakuya.

But apart from the huge workload, things were quite calm for a week, in Seireitei as well as between them. And just when Renji was starting to crave a little action, they received message of a captain’s and lieutenant’s meeting requiring their attendance. Musing what it could be about (maybe Ichigo had stirred up trouble again?), Renji followed after Byakuya to the first division. He hoped that whatever it was, it would involve the good fight he was itching for.

They were one of the first ones to arrive, as was usually the case. They briefly greeted the already present Unohana and her fuku Isane Kotetsu, as well as Ukitake and Rukia, before taking their designated seats, waiting for the rest to arrive. It did not take long for them to do so; an order from the Head Captain was enough to force even the eccentric captains of the Gotei 13 out of their respective holes. Kurotsuchi and Zaraki plus lieutenants arrived last, which was also normal.

Zaraki immediately began to eye Byakuya, grinning like the maniac he was. Byakuya, for his part, gifted the man with as much attention as he would a fly on the wall, though Zakari didn’t seem bothered by the noble’s behavior at all. It was more like the man was amused by it and spurred on further, if anything.

“So ya did intend t’ grace us with your presence Kuchiki – hime”, he began.

Renji sighed inwardly. He really wished his former captain would stop picking fights with his present one at any opportunity he got. Not that it wasn’t entertaining to watch, but it was him who ultimately had to pay for it, who had to cope with the lousy-tempered man afterwards.

“And here I was sure you w’re occupied with other business.” Zaraki threw a pointed glance at Renji and let out a roaring laugh, a noise that could have (and had, in fact) already scared away opponents of his by itself. 

It seemed like the news of the more _intense_ relationship between Byakuya and himself had finally begun to spread beyond their division. Well, it had only been a matter of time really, and it wasn’t like the full extent of their relationship had been exposed, Renji thought as he stared indifferently at Ukitake, who desperately tried to get control of a sudden coughing fit, and Kyouraku, who patted the white haired man’s back while grinning at Renji, mischief glistening in his eyes.

Apparently Byakuya fostered similar thoughts, because when he answered, his voice was cool and composed, with the habitual tinge of arrogance in it: “We can’t all be barbarians whose sole purpose in life is to contribute to the end of that of others.”

Zaraki’s unruly, crude laugh filled the room once more, completely unfazed by the sharpness in the other man’s words. “As you say, _princess_.”

Byakuya’s lips pursed slightly at the address and an elegant eyebrow arched, while the other people present in the room continued to politely ignore the two captains. Byakuya opened his mouth once more, but before he got a chance to voice the retort laying on the tip of his tongue, the roaring voice of the Head Captain Yamamoto filled the room and bid them silence.

“As you all know, the hometown of Kurosaki Ichigo, Karakura town, has always attracted hollows to a greater extent than other places in the human world, partly because of the array of abnormal humans and even quincy residing there and partly because of Kurosaki Ichigo himself.” As all Shinigami present nodded in agreement, Yamamoto continued:

"These vast amount of hollows attracted to the town have continuously attacked the barrier separating them from the human world and now a point is reached where they have succeeded in thinning said barrier. Taking care of this weak spot is of utmost importance and I have already given orders accordingly. And to guarantee a safe repair, two vice-captains are to be stationed there.” Yamamoto’s gaze fell on Ukitake and Byakuya. “I have chosen the lieutenants of the sixth and the thirteenth division, as they should be more than skilled enough for the task and additionally seem to be well acquainted with the substitute shinigami.”

Renji did not know how to take this revelation. Sure, part of him was over the moon that the Head Captain of all people had acknowledged his strength, but to be separated from Byakuya right now, he didn’t want that. Hated it actually.

Byakuya’s apathetic voice ripped him out of his thoughts “And how much time does this mission require?”

“That is not known yet. As little as possible, but that could still mean a few years. In fact the mending _will_ probably take that long, as we need to find a permanent solution, the problem not being solved by simply closing the hole. A way to reinforce the barrier has to be found.”

Renji gulped. _Years_. He’d be separated from the noble (and everyone else for that matter) for _years_.

“I see.”

Renji shot a covert look at Byakuya. The raven looked the epitome of calmness, like the prospect of a years-long separation did not bother him in the least and Renji felt himself grew disappointed. ‘Shit. Will he miss me at all?'

The noble’s cool behavior was further enhanced by its contrast to Ukitake’s, who looked positively devastated. Rukia and Kyouraku had both hands full assuaging the man. But Rukia still found time to look up and shoot Renji a glance and when their gazes met, she gave him an encouraging smile, slightly confused by the expression on his face. She would have assumed that the redhead would be dancing around at having been praised by the head-captain and getting a chance to fight on top of that. Instead, she realized, he looked not unlike a kicked puppy.

\--

The rest of the meeting passed by Renji in a haze and as soon as he knew it, he was once again walking behind Byakuya, back to the division. They didn’t talk, Renji too busy trying to process the news. Rukia and he were to leave a week from now. In a week! And who knew when they’d see each other again! ‘Why did this have t’ happen as soon as things’ve gotten a little better between us?’

To Renji’s frustration added that the raven still gave himself completely unaffected. ‘Am I the only one seriously not ok with this?’ “What do you mean, Renji?” Crap. He had said that last one out-loud. Renji felt himself blush. “Nothing, taichou”, he murmured. He’d be dammed if he clung to Byakuya like some love-struck girl. If Byakuya didn’t care if he was around, fine. So be it. With that thought, Renji straightened his back and pushed his chin up defiantly, pretending not to notice the noble's eyes on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wanted to do this for some time and forgot until now so this comes kinda late, but anyway:
> 
> Thank you very much to everyone who has left kudos on and/or is following this thing born from my puny imagination! :-)


	17. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji leaves for the world of the living. Before that, stuff happens...

Well, but this was easier said than done. The days passed and the date of Rukia’s and his departure drew closer and Byakuya still behaved like the meeting hadn’t taken place at all. He treated Renji like he always had, nothing portraying that Renji would soon be gone for a few years and Renji was growing increasingly frustrated. It wasn’t like he expected Byakuya to beg him to stay while clinging to him in tears (though that thought _did_ have quite the appeal), but a bit of emotion, any kind really, would still be nice, dammit. Was that too freakin’ much to ask from his lover?

Apparently it was. Today was the last day, tomorrow Renji and Rukia would leave for the human world, and there was still no reaction at all from Bykauya. At least, when he had met up with Rukia, she had been completely thrilled about their ‘adventure’, as she called it and Renji had been able to let himself be infected with her mood for a while. He really did look forward to spending more time with his best friend, though he suspected that a fair part of said friends anticipation had less to do with him than a certain human strawberry.

Evening was nearing and with it the end of his last work day at the sixth for a while. Renji had finished his tasks a while ago and was now merely shuffling through some things, pretending to still be busy, waiting for … yeah, waiting for what really? The redhead sneaked a look at Byakuya. The noble sat at his desk, posture impeccable, face unreadable, doing paperwork. An everyday scene.

Or so it seemed. Just when Renji had given up, had stood up and had opened his mouth to declare he’d retire for the night, the redhead’s gaze fell on what exactly the noble was working on ... and suddenly he felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Byakuya’s hand was hovering over the newest mission report that Renji was sure the noble had dealt with already, as he remembered handing the sheet of paper to him this morning, saying it had to be looked over immediately. The redhead felt his lips curl into a smile as relief flooded through him. Despite his appearance, the noble _did_ care.

He had probably just been prevented by his stupid deception of propriety, which bordered on pure stubbornness really, to voice his care. “Yer really hopeless, ya know that?’

Well, though it was nice to know the other man was not as unruffled as he gave himself, it did not look like the noble was inclined to act on his feelings any time soon. If he didn’t want to part from the man in silence, he’d have to take things in his own hands. And Renji decided that Byakuya sure as hell deserved a little teasing for what he’d put him through the last few days. ‘Payback time.’ Renji’s happy smile widened into a wicked grin.

He got up from his desk and strolled over to the smaller man. Byakuya’s eyes fluttered in his direction briefly, revealing that he had noticed the redhead approaching, but he kept his head in its slightly bent position and his eyes fixed on the paper in front of him. “Do you need something, Renji?”

“Nah. Actually, yeah, I do”, Renji declared cryptically, coming to stand directly in front of the noble’s desk. Hearing the smirk in the other’s tone, Byakuya did finally lift his head to look at the younger man. He lifted an eyebrow at the other’s unabashed expression. “And that would be?”

Renji’s grin widened even more and instead of an answer, he leaned forward, enough to place both of his arms right and left of Byakuya. Slowly – so very slowly – he leaned in even further until his lips brushed teasingly against Byakuya’s earlap. The little shudder in response did not escape Renji and in a deliberately low and husky voice he whispered “ _I’ll miss you_ ”.

Byakuya flinched slightly, if at the low, seductive hum directly into the noble’s ears or at his words, Renji didn’t know, but he did not move away from Renji. Taking that as encouragement to continue, Renji began to trail kisses down the side of the other man’s neck and Byakuya tilted his head to the side almost imperceptibly, revealing more sensitive flesh. Renji muttered “I’ll miss ya so damn much”, before, unable to resist, he sank his teeth into pale, exposed skin.

“Renji, wait.”

Now it was Renji’s turn to disregard the other man, letting one hand curl into inky strands at the base of the noble’s neck while the other let go of Byakuyas back to stroke a blooming cheek before trailing down over a slender collarbone and wandering even further downwards, grazing over a nipple. Immediately, he felt the other man tensing up and the weight of a palm pressing against his chest.

“Stop this. Now.”

Renji let out a reluctant grunt, but let go of the noble and took a step backwards to peer down into the other man’s face, surprised not to find the anger there that he had anticipated.

\--

If he had been any lesser man, Byakuya would have cursed. He had been extremely careful not to let any emotion sicker out. He had not allowed the mask to slip, not even for a moment. He had made up his mind not to give in to those unseemly, ridiculous, _childish_ urges to keep the redhead by his side, to even hide him if that was the only way to accomplish so. It was absurd, really, and of course it was completely unthinkable to act upon such impulses, less so since it would accomplish absolutely nothing.

But apparently his mouth did not care for what his mind had decided on, because Byakuya heard himself say: “Let us move somewhere remotely more … private. How about dinner?”

\--

“Eeeeeh?!”

Had Byakuya just _asked him out_?? Renji stared at the noble incredulously. Byakuya returned his gaze and his eyes told Renji that he was at least equally surprised at his own words as Renji was, a fact that served to confuse the redhead even more. The pair gaped at each other wordlessly, until Renji caught himself first.

“Like I’d say no ta that”, he hurried to say before Byakuya could change his mind. “You done for today?” The noble hesitated for a moment, then he nodded. “Ok then did ya have anywhere specific in mind?”

Byakuya was about to negate the question when he surprised himself once more: “The mansion…”

Renji’s jaw dropped. ‘The hell‘s goin’ on here? Where have ya hidden the real Kuchiki taichou?’

“The fuck?” The words escaped his mouth before he had a chance to bite them back and instantly Byakuya’s eyes narrowed. ‘At least he seems ta be as easily offended as the real one.’ Well, but intruder or not, no way he’d pass up on a chance to eat dinner in the mansion.

“Uh, ok.” was all his overstrained brain could come up with, though, not helping much to ease the furrow that had appeared on the other man’s face. The noble turned around wordlessly and made to leave the office. Renji followed him, his heart pounding in his chest.

\--

They walked to the mansion in silence, Byakuya leading the way. Renji was thankful not having to entertain the other man for he did not have the confidence to form a coherent thought right now. His brain felt ready to explode, trying to figure out what exactly was going on. Would it be anyone else, he’d think that there were ulterior motives behind the dinner invitation, but this was Byakuya, so Renji did not fool himself into thinking so. The man had made it clear on more than one occasion that Renji wasn’t allowed to touch him. Not that Renji would give up, of course, but the redhead didn’t want to risk ruining their last night together, so _that_ was off limits.

Then what _did_ the other man expect from this? He shot a glance at Byakuya, couldn’t see his face though because of his position. Instead, he saw the gate of the estate emerge before them. His view not being obscured by a huge crowd this time, Renji could clearly see it in all its glory, could see the artistic manner in which the Kuchiki crest had been carved into the heavy iron.

Renji studied it closely and as Byakuya noticed his awe, one of his eyebrows rose. “You do seem to have an interest in carving.” Renji just nodded and continued to stare, pretending not to have caught the hidden question. Only when the second eyebrow rose, he added “Learned how to do it back in Inuzuri.” The noble resumed his unreadable expression. “I see.”

They passed the gate and approached the mansion’s main entrance where they were welcomed by a disturbingly big amount of servants who broke out into busy bustling at the sight of their master. Byakuya informed them in his cool, monotone demeanor that they would dine in his private chambers and that dinner was to be brought there immediately. After that, they would be dismissed for the day.

Renji, who had observed the noble since arriving at the estate, was strangely fascinated of how different and yet how similar the man behaved in his own grounds. He was still his strong, flawless self, but as the master of the mansion, the air of confidence around him and the feeling of untouchability, bordering on arrogance, as well as the power he emitted seemed further enhanced. He looked even more imposing than usually, even to Renji. He was certainly a man one wanted to have on one’s good side.

Though this was already Renji’s second time in the mansion and in Byakuya’s private chambers, Renji couldn’t help think how different the circumstances were now as he followed Byakuya into his bedroom. After a glance at Byakuya, Renji saw that he was not the only one recalling the noble’s birthday. An awkward pause followed where neither man knew what to say.

Having let his gaze roam around the room, Renji saw something white shimmer on the nightstand and he broke the silence: “So you kept it.” Following Renji’s gaze to the book beside his bed and what was stuck into it, Byakuya nodded. “Of course.”

It was ridiculous how happy this fact made Renji and he had to actively hold himself back to not sweep the smaller man into his arms and whirl him around. Because, you know, that would just be screaming for some violence.

Luckily, at that moment there was a knock on the door and after an ‘Enter’ from Byakuya, several servants carried in plates full of food (actually looking more like little pieces of art to Renji than something he would put in his mouth) and placed them onto the table on the far end of the room next to a slide door leading into the garden. Any credibility for edibility the dishes lost with their appearance, they made more than up by the smell emanating from them. Soon, the whole room was filled with scents that caused Renji’s mouth to water and his stomach to grumble and he looked at Byakuya expectantly.

The noble dismissed the servants after stating that he did not wish to be disturbed again. They bowed respectfully and withdrew (though not without one last curious glance at their master's unusual guest,), leaving Renji and Byakuya finally alone.

“Shall we begin to dine?”, Byakuya suggested, a spark of amusement in his otherwise emotionless voice, as he observed Renji whose eyes roamed hungrily over the vast assortment of food. It was just all too easy to imagine what the redhead was thinking. Renji nodded, though his eyes did not leave the delicacies.

The two took their seats and Renji just barely remembered himself for long enough to fill a plate for Byakuya first and handing it to the man before he dug in. Byakuya poured them tea, an occurrence Renji had gotten used to by now, before the raven picked up his chopsticks to commence his own meal, eyes not focused on his plate, though, but on a certain redhead.

Said redhead was literally shoveling food into his mouth. As soon as one bite landed in his mouth, his chopsticks picked up the next one, his eyes already deciding on the third.

“Is the food to your liking?”

Renji looked up from stuffing his mouth and his face grew hot as he realized what a sight he must present. “Sorry”, he murmured as he straightened and continued eating at a more adequate pace.

“No need to apologize. It was not meant as critique.” Renji studied the noble’s face. Byakuya seemed sincere. “Ok? In that case, it tastes awesome!” The responding rare little smile that graced the noble’s lips made Renji’s heart skip a beat and he quickly diverted his attention back to his meal. No sense in getting exited here.

\--

Byakuya found himself more focused on Renji than on his meal. Something about the way the redhead immersed himself fully in the dishes, how he tried each and every one of them, took bite after bite into his mouth, savored its taste didn’t let him tear his gaze away from the other man. It was all he could do not to stare openly.

Needless to say, he ate almost nothing.

\--

As all the dishes were finished (Renji had eaten for two, effortlessly), Renji leaned back satisfied and looked at Byakuya. Byakuya returned his gaze and the pair locked eyes for a long moment. And when Renji saw the longing and the loneliness residing in the raven’s eyes, he burst out without thinking “Will you be ok?”. Byakuya blinked once. “I mean, ya know, ‘cause of what happened ‘n all. With your wife, I mean.” And immediately Renji could see the other man close off and avert his eyes. ‘Crap. Wrong choice of words.’

“I will.”

Well, if that didn’t sound convincing. Renji sighed. But it looked like he would have no choice but to trust in the other’s words, seeing as he wouldn’t be here starting tomorrow. This revelation left him with a bitter taste, especially considering how he had sworn to be there for the noble always.

But before he could form a reply, Byakuya beat him to it: “Would you like to take a walk in the gardens?” Getting the hint, Renji let it go. “Sure.”

Byakuya rose elegantly and slid open the side door leading directly into the gardens. And Renji was completely overwhelmed, the sight that presented itself to him letting him forget any lingering dark thoughts. The gardens had been beautiful the last time he had been here at the noble’s birthday, but that had been nothing compared to now.

Now on this summer evening when the sun had barely set, the lights which were distributed throughout the garden bathed everything in a warm, soothing light, the colors of the flowers which bloomed in abundance to the sides of a small stone trail dimmed, but their intensity not impaired at all. Together with dancing fireflies the lights created an atmosphere of calm and mystery at the same time.

Renji followed Byakuya like in trance. They walked side-by-side, not daring to speak as not to disrupt the moment, listening to the chirping sounds of crickets, until they reached the pond with the wooden bench where Renji had sat with Rukia already. The lake was edged by Sakura trees. The sakura trees, though not carrying blossoms anymore, had not suffered any of their beauty now that they carried green only and the absence of sunlight on them obscured the leaves and let them cast long shadows which reflected on the pond’s surface, giving birth to new forms and shapes.

Byakuya sat down on the bench facing the pond and Renji slumped down beside him before reaching for the raven’s hand. Observing the way the sakura trees were mirrored onto the water’s surface, his gaze fell upon the reflection of the moon. A shudder went through him before he diverted his attention to Byakuya.

The noble was staring at the scene which presented itself to them with an intensity that was new to Renji, and he had come to the conclusion that the other man had forgotten about him completely when the man suddenly spoke, his voice a soft sigh: “This is my most treasured spot.”

Renji gently squeezed Byakuya’s hand. “Sure as hell understand why. It’s freakin’ perfect.” Byakuya turned his head to give Renji a smile that had Renji feel his mind going blank for the second time this evening, before the other man turned to refocused on the scenery. “Right?”

After that, they fell silent again and if asked afterwards, Renji couldn’t say how long they stayed like this. At some point, Renji felt Byakuya shiver slightly and he let go of the other’s hand to wrap his arms around the man’s shoulders, drawing him closer, before reclaiming the noble’s hand with his other hand. Byakuya did not back away and, if anything, leaned into the touch. ‘If only we could stay like this forever.’

But of course even the most perfect moment had to come to an end. Despite it being summer, as the night progressed, it got sensitively cold and they were forced to return inside if they didn’t want to catch a cold (not that Renji really cared for himself, but he would not let Byakuya get sick right under his nose). They walked back, hands still joined, and only came to a halt when they arrived back at the noble’s chamber where they had sett off.

“I should go. ‘S getting late”, Renji determined unwillingly. “It is”, Byakuya affirmed. But despite the revelation, neither of them moved.

“Taichou?” Byakuya lifted his gaze. “Ren..” Renji cut him off in a bruising kiss, the force of which would have caused the noble to take a step backwards had Renji not protectively slung his free hand around the other’s waist where it came to rest on the noble’s lower back. Byakuya tensed slightly, momentarily overwhelmed, before he relaxed into the touch and began to reciprocate the redhead’s advances.

Renji’s tongue invaded the noble’s mouth and tugged and teased at the other’s tongue rather roughly until it responded to the challenge and wound itself around that of the redhead. Renji opened his mouth further, deepening the kiss and all but ravishing the other’s mouth. After breaking apart to gasp for breath, he bit the noble’s lower lip playfully, before soothing the sensitive flesh through thorough licking.

\--

A voice escaped from deep within Byakuya’s throat that the noble outright refused to call a moan. This time, it was his tongue that invaded the redhead; at first tentative, then more demanding he explored the other’s mouth. And contrary to him, Renji did not even try to bite back the low, feral growl that formed in his chest and it took all of Byakuya’s self-control not to respond in equal. At long last, Byakuya tore himself away, but stayed close enough for their breath to mingle as the heaving of their chests slowly eased.

The pair locked eyes, grey thunderstorms raging at scorching, everlasting flames, before Byakuya was gone, leaving Renji to lower his now-empty arm.

‘That’s what I call a goodbye kiss.’

\--

Renji took a look around himself once more, studying the people assembled to see them off, before he turned and walked towards where Rukia stood before the senkaimon. He had been right, Byakuya was not here to see him and Rukia off. In a silent pact, yesterday night had been goodbye for them and Renji had witnessed the somehow stilted goodbye between Rukia and Byakuya earlier this morning. That was taken care of already, too.

As he reached Rukia, he saw that she had tears in her eyes despite how much she had been looking forward to the living world. He took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Ready?” Rukia nodded. ‘What kinda shitty luck is it that today of all days has to be our first anniversary?’ was the redhead’s last thought as the best friends left the world of the dead in favor of that of the living.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will take a while 'cause I'm going on a vacation:-)


	18. The Human World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya makes a visit to the human world...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a time gap of four months between this chapter and the last one.

Today Byakuya would come visit him, finally. It had been four month since Renji had left Seireitei and they hadn’t seen each other since. Well, not because Renji hadn’t wanted – and tried, for that matter – to change that fact, but the noble had forbidden – and actively hindered – Renji from coming back to Seireitei on his own.

Renji suspected it was because the other feared once he’d started, he’d come running back way too often, not really caring about his mission, especially since said mission turned out to consist of guarding the spot in question, occasionally slicing a hollow even the bloodiest newcomer in the Gotei 13 would be able to handle and in general a whole lot of waiting, standing around and doing nothing, not really Renji’s forte. He understood Byakuya, really. But the treatment still kind of stung. Even if this mission had turned out to be a complete bore, it was a mission nonetheless. And Renji would not screw it up because of personal feelings.

And the fact that he had not been permitted to go to the noble pointed out the fact that in return the other man had not come visit him once just so much more, and a nasty little voice inside his head had whispered that maybe Byakuya did not plan to come look for him at all, that despite their last evening together, he had found that not having the redhead around wasn’t such a bad thing at all.

But he had stubbornly ignored the voice, convincing himself that the reason for the missing visits was that the man now had to complete not just the captain’s duties anymore but those of his lieutenant as well.

He had been rewarded by an announced visit shortly after. Persistence _does_ pay off.

And only then Renji had conceded that _gods_ had he missed the man. He had been thinking of the noble a lot, definitively more than was healthy. Especially considering that the object of his thoughts had not even let him go to second base yet. After a year.

‘I’m really losin’ my touch, ain’t I?’

Before the other man’s arrival in the human world, Renji arranged for the two of them to stay at one of Urahara’s numerous warehouses (they were more like apartments, though), knowing that the noble would hardly appreciate having to stay in a cramped little shop with plenty other people, some of them more than a little dubious. The fact that it was the home of known rule-breakers and fugitives did not help either.

He just needn’t think too much about the price he’d have to pay the former captain shinigami afterwards. One night alone in a warehouse probably meant a whole lot of shop cleaning... But that was something he’d deal with later, now he wanted to fully concentrate on his visitor.

The only fly in the ointment was that Byakuya would just stay one night; the man’s sense for duty not permitting for any longer leisure time (though, of course, he officially wasn’t visiting Renji but making an on-site inspection of their progress).

But, well, short or not, Renji intended to milk every minute he got with the man. He had even convinced Rukia to spend the evening with Ichigo after having greeted her brother, though the suspicious and slightly accusing look she had given him told Renji that she knew he was hiding something from her and only didn’t dig deeper because she knew the futility of it from past experience. And once again Renji had felt a stab of guilt throbbing somewhere deep in his chest. She didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve the deceiving, the white lies.

\--

“Rukia. Renji.”

“Nii-sama.”

“Taichou.”

Byakuya gracefully stepped out of the senkaimon and towards the little committee that had gathered to welcome him into the human world, the dramatic fluttering of haori and hair adding to his imperious aura. The noble looked as peerless as usual, not changed at all as Renji observed and a knot in his gut he hadn’t known had been there slowly dissolved into nothingness.

\--

He had been worried for the other man, despite the man’s reassurances that he’d be perfectly fine. Not least because of the fact that Byakuya was not a man to appreciate changes. During the years he had spent at the man’s side, Renji had picked up quite a few of Byakuya’s little quirks and habits – like the man’s need for a cup of green tea in the morning to be able to function (the good stuff, not the tasteless brew the division canteen provided) or his need for complete cleanness in the office but unwillingness to provide for it himself (which Renji, though not particularly fond of – and good at – cleaning, minded surprisingly little, reveling in the fact that the other man felt comfortable enough around him to act spoilt) – and the lieutenant had started to accommodate accordingly.

He hadn’t exactly been thanked for it but the noble’s appreciation was obvious without the man having to spell it out. It was apparent in that little sigh that never failed to escape the raven’s lips after his first sip of the herbal concoction, in the way steel eyes thawed, melting into liquid silver for a fleeting moment.

They really were a well-rehearsed team these days, so very contrary to when Renji had first become lieutenant.

\--

“You look good, nii-sama”, Rukia beat him to it.

“So do you two”, came the deep, monotone reply. Byakuya stepped closer, his cool gaze wandering over the two of them.

“Yeah, uh, we’re fine”, Renji blurted out, as so often his mouth running off on him before his brain had a chance to catch on and provide him with a more informative input.

Byakuya’s attention focused on the redhead at his words, his expression impassive that it bordered on boredom. The noble opened his mouth but was interrupted rather crudely:

“What about me? Are you not gonna greet me, Byakuya? How rude. And here I thought nobles were all about manners and all.”

Ichigo had persisted on coming, as to why Renji didn’t get. But to be fair, he didn’t get the whole relationship between Byakuya and Ichigo. He did know that there was some kind of strange respect somewhere, though. It, however, still couldn’t really be called friendship, not even after all these years of fighting alongside. For all Renji understood a big part of the problem lay with Ichigo’s habit of using other people’s first names.

“I did not deem such an action necessary, Kurosaki Ichigo.”

“Aww you’re so cold”, Ichigo whined, tearing open his eyes in mock hurt and wrapping his arms around himself as if suddenly feeling a chill. “Do you do that deliberately or is that inherent talent speaking?”

Renji rolled his eyes at his orange haired friend and rival while Rukia giggled, one hand covering her mouth. Her giggles died immediately, though, when she saw the look on her brother’s face. Byakuya looked as if willing the other’s heart to stop with his glare alone.

“Stop it, Ichigo”, Rukia reprimanded the orange haired goof-off instead, enforcing her words with a well-placed – the kind that only comes with proper practice – hit on the teenager’s head. “ _Oww_ ”, the substitute shinigami cried, diverting his attention away from Byakuya towards the deceivingly petite shinigami currently freeloading at his house for undefined length. And soon enough they were in a world of their own involving much punching and kicking and proclamations of further violence.

Renji snorted. That sort of behavior and then Rukia had the guts to come complaining to him about Ichigo never getting her advances. Admittedly, when it came to love affairs the poor excuse for a high-school student _was_ awfully retarded but even Renji wouldn’t be stupid enough to make a move on someone who constantly tried to inflict pain on him.

Well, no. His choice had fallen on someone who could scare stiff half of Seireitei with his glare alone and most of the other half with the rest of his abilities. Because that was so much better.

Renji snorted again self-depreciatively before shrugging it off and shifting his attention from the bantering couple to Byakuya, finding the other’s glare softened. Probably due to his beloved sister’s attempt to defend his honor.

Byakuya met Renji’s gaze and an elegant brow rose an inch higher. Answering the silent question, Renji said “Looks like they won’t be done for a while. You wanna, uh, ya know, change locations?” Then, answering the second tacid query, he added “To one of Urahara-san’s warehouses. Yer gigai’s there.”

Byakuya cast Renji an undecipherable look before he nodded curtly. So after a shouted goodbye to the still quarreling pair, Renji lead Byakuya away in direction of the warehouse.

\--

Byakuya was the first one to break the silence: “From your reports I take that the barrier to this town has been regenerated, but that a solution for the other problem has yet to be found. Is that correct?”

Renji, relieved to stop his fishing for appropriate conversation topics, focused on his mission. “Yeah.” He frowned. “They’ve fixed the loophole, but there’s no long-term solution yet. No progress at all there. Seems like we’ll be here for ‘nother while.” He grimaced at the thought while Byakuya observed him quietly out of the corner of his eye.

“How are you doing here, Renji?”

Renji blinked. Well, that was surprising. They had talked about this already, but the question had a different ring to it this time, something deeper, much more personal.

He glanced around – checking that they were alone – before he reached out to the other man’s hand, wrapping big, rough fingers around long, slender ones. “I’m fine”, he repeated his earlier statement, conveying through his tone what he left unsaid: _I’m missing ya like crazy, but physically, I’m fine. I’ll persevere_.

Byakuya nodded briefly, lowering his eyes to their joined hands before concentrating on the path before them.

It was dark already, so the streets were relatively empty, the inhabitants of the small town currently residing in their respective houses. But still Renji was surprised that Byakuya did not pull his hand away but allowed the touch. He had always made it clear that he did not wish any displays of affection in public.

‘ ‘S probably cause nobody knows us here. So even if someone does see, ‘s not like it matters’, he mused as he let his thumb draw small circles on the back of the noble’s hand.

He was in for a second surprise when Byakuya closed the already short gap between them, if only ever so slightly, causing them to walk so close that their shoulders would bump every now and then.

\--

At the warehouse, Renji led the raven straight into one of the bedrooms and, catching the glance the other cast him, he hurried to explain “Your gigai’s in there. And clothes. Human clothes. Uh, I didn’t really know what ya’d like, so I just picked up several outfits from Urahara-san. They should match.”

He was particularly proud of the last part. He had received specific coaching on combining clothes from his human friends, granted they had forced it on him after he had picked a white shirt with a pink flower pattern on it to go with his black leather pants (Renji was still convinced he had looked good), but that was beside the point.

Understanding flashed in Byakuya’s eyes. “Thank you, Renji.” Renji flashed him a smile and turned to leave, giving the other man the privacy to change. He was almost out of the door when a low voice resounded.

“Renji.”

The redhead stopped in his tracks. “Taichou?”

“I … don’t know … how to put these on.”


	19. An Awkward Moment Or Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya needs help dressing and the pair goes out to grab dinner

_“Renji.” The redhead stopped in his tracks._

_“Taichou?”_

_“I … don’t know … how to put these on.”_

The fact seemed to frustrate the noble immensely.

And Renji had to suppress a groan. ‘Seriously?’ Someone out there was out to test his self-control, badly. Because damn. Was he seriously going to have to help this whole lot of handsomeness in front of him dress when all he really wanted to do was help do the exact opposite?

But he didn’t let these thoughts show on his face. Of course not, it would sent the other man running before he could say ‘zanpakuto’. That couldn’t happen. It was kind of amazing that he had gotten the man to visit him, so no ruining that.

Thus, he walked to stand beside the raven who had positioned himself (in gigai, wearing nothing but a light yukata and looking like temptation itself) in front of the outfits spread on a king-sized bed. In his hands, the noble held a black silken suit from Armani. His eye for quality seemed to be as impeccable as ever.

Renji took the piece out of Byakuya’s hands while said man avoided his gaze intently. Well, he couldn’t really blame the man. Needing help getting dressed was not something that would sit well with a proud Kuchiki noble, obviously. The only problem was that the uncharacteristic bashfulness turned Renji on even more. He needed to get this over with. Fast.

He pointed at a specific piece.

“You wear this first.” After a cough he added “The two smaller holes are for the legs.” He felt a blush creep into his cheeks and fought hard to keep it back. He needn’t make this any worse than it already was, also because Byakuya was sure to find a way to pay him back ten fold for any unnecessary embarrassment.

Byakuya for his part kept his gaze fixed on the piece of clothing handed to him. “I see.”

Then there was a long moment in which neither of them talked or, in fact, did anything. Renji wasn’t even sure he breathed. Byakuya seemed to wait for something and only when Byakuya finally locked eyes with Renji, the redhead understood. And this time he could not fight the blush, his face doing a wonderful imitation of the crimson of his hair.

“I, uh, I’ll turn ‘round so ya can put it on.”

‘Cripes. Could this get any more awkward?’

“And next?”

Renji slowly turned back to the noble … and nearly got a nosebleed at the sight which presented itself to him.

He should stop challenging fate, he really should. But seriously. People like that just shouldn’t exist. It was unfair to humankind. Or godkind, or whatever.

“Renji?”

Fuck. He’d been gawking openly.

“Uh, next, huh, … next you take this one…” He grabbed said piece “… and slide yer arms through the holes here”, he explained as he helped the raven put on a black, long-sleeved shirt, naturally silken as well. “Then you close the buttons – as many as ya want, really.”

After observing tentative fingers fumbling with the buttons fruitlessly, Renji softly batted them away and replaced them with his own, ignoring the sharp look followed by a resigned sigh the action earned him.

He was definitively _not_ staring at the other’s exposed front, revealing hard muscle that belied the slender appearance he made in his shinigami uniform. He did _not_ think about the other man’s closeness, a closeness that allowed Renji to _smell_ the man, paradoxically reminding him of the Rukongai.

On the surface, Byakuya seemed to emit a complex, floral scent, reminding Renji of the wildflower meadows he had loved so much back in Inuzuri, one of the few joys the place had held for him. But if one dug deeper, Byakuya’s real scent came forward. This one was much heavier, darker, but at the same time strangely familiar and comfortable – a promise of danger and warmth at once. This feeling, too, could be traced back to his Inuzuri days just all too well.

Also, the way ebony hair - devoid of the kenseikan - fell freely into the noble’s face, partially obscuring it while managing to frame it at the same time was not helping either. It was raising the other man's sexiness to an unbearable level.

Renji gulped.

‘Concentrate. Concentrate, dammit.’

After what felt like a torturous eternity, he had reached the third button from the top at last. “I’ll leave the last few open, if ya don’t mind. Humans do it all the time.” Byakuya remained silent. Renji decided to take that as an affirmation and he reached around Byakuya to grab the next piece, determined to get this over with without doing something he’d regret. Like shoving Byakuya on that king-sized monstrosity of a bed and have his wicked way with the man.

“This goes the same place as the first one.”

Byakuya took it wordlessly and put it on. As he went about closing the piece, he halted and looked at Renji again. It took all of the redhead’s willpower, but he managed to reach out and close buttons and zipper instead of pulling the whole fucking thing down, pouncing the noble right here and now. His hand even only once slipped and brushed cloth dangerously close to forbidden territory.

‘I can’t take this anymore. This’s worse than shopping with Rangiku.’

Fortunately, there was only one piece left. He grabbed it (Urahara had called it what – a jacket?) and without further explanation slipped it on Byakuya. It was high time, because that was when he felt his control starting to crumble and he couldn’t quite resist the urge to brush over the cloth appreciatively, starting from the shoulders down to Byakuya’s abs. He hoped it would pass as smoothing out any wrinkles.

Then he took a step back to look at his finished work. It was a perfect fit. How the hell had Urahara known Byakuya’s size?

“This ain’t fair.”

Byakuya’s left eyebrow rose at the outburst and though his face was still expressing his displeasure with the current situation, a corner of his mouth lifted ever so slightly. “I shall take that as a compliment?”

Renji shook his head, he wasn’t too sure himself. “You look out of this world.”

There was something akin to humor in the crinkles around the raven’s eyes. “Well, indeed. I _am_ a death god”, he reminded a snorting Renji. Then, the trace of humor vanished as the noble ungraciously shook a stray strand of hair out of his face before tucking it behind his ear.

It was impossible – right-out _ridiculous_ – how cute that little change made him.

Renji forced himself to stop drooling at the man, but concentrating on that seriously challenging task, his mouth bolted on him:

“Want me ta pull it back? Your hair I mean.”

Like he would.

“If you would.”

Huh? That was new. Byakuya Kuchiki letting someone else do something he could do himself, something involving touching his high-ass-born body on top of that.

“Ah, ok. Sure.” Renji stared at the noble, trying to figure out the others’ train of thought. A moment ago he’d been pissed about needing help and now he merrily accepted it? But now that he thought about it, the other man _had_ been much more relaxed since coming here. Despite having told Renji that he despised the human world, it seemed to do him some good. He should definitively visit Renji more often.

Remembering that he had promised some hair care, Renji gestured Byakuya to follow him and a short while later, they found themselves in the bathroom, Byakuya facing the mirror, Renji behind him, working the other’s hair with a brush and his hands.

Renji had wanted to do this since he didn’t know when, probably when he’d started to desire Byakuya. He had wanted to see how it would feel to thread his fingers through those dark strands, what face Byakuya would make as he did, if the twirls were as silky as they looked.

They were even better.

He could do this forever. Seriously. While combing the noble’s hair free of tangles, Renji shot a look into the mirror, discovering the noble observing him through the reflection with half-lidded eyes. He looked only so much away from breaking out into a purr, even his reiatsu having shifted slightly into the precursor of a low hum. Renji made a mental note.

And as always seemed to be the case, Renji had to ruin an otherwise perfect moment. More specifically, his stomach did. A loud rumbling filled the comfortable silence that had settled over them and a glance in the mirror told Renji that Byakuya had heard.

‘Course he had. Half the neighborhood probably had.

“Do you wish to make a point, fuku-taichou?” Byakuya’s tone oozed disinterest, but the crinkles in the corners of his eyes had returned as he watched Renji blush furiously under his gaze.

“Uh, nah, not really”, the redhead muttered, staring intently at the hair tie in his hand.

Perfect. Now he was horny _and_ embarrassed.

Deciding that there were no tangles left and that further brushing would only result in accelerated baldness, he quickly gathered the raven’s hair at the nape of his neck, fixing it into a low pony tail, safe for three strands which he left to frame the noble’s face, imitating the man’s usual hair style.

“Ah? It just seemed like you did. My bad.”

Renji glared at the noble, more precisely, he glared at the mirror. Byakuya met his gaze levelly and Renji saw the glimmer deep in those grey depths. The man was definitively enjoying this and if Renji hadn’t been so embarrassed right now, he’d probably be standing there mouth open, gaping at this fairly open display of human emotions.

But as he was, he searched his brain furiously for a way out.

“Ehm, you happy with the hair? Cause if yes, wanna go grab some dinner?”

“Yes and yes. Thank you, Renji.” The noble schooled his features back into their inscrutable state and Renji nodded relieved, quickly leading the other man outside.

\--

Renji lead Byakuya to his favorite Mexican diner. It was an inconspicuous little restaurant called “Come-En-Chill-Lada”, but they had the best enchiladas Renji had ever tasted. And that meant something. Also, there was a ton of food on the menu that made Renji’s eyes water just from looking at the ingredients, meaning it was perfect for Byakuya.

When they entered, and also before that on the streets, they attracted no small amount of attention. Nearly every head in the room turned at their entry, eying Byakuya in his suit that, as Renji realized, made him look like some kinda yakuza boss with Renji in leather jacket fitting perfectly into the role of the rowdy underling.

But strangely, Byakuya did not seem put off by the whole thing. He ignored their audience completely, being his imposing and dignified self and something in the way he seemed to pile on even more than usually gave Renji a hutch that the other man was actually _enjoying_ himself.

After this evening he really ought to correct his view of the noble not being capable of humor.

The waitress’ eyes were as big as saucers as she led them to their table, the most secluded one in the whole restaurant (unclear to Renji if for their sake or that of the other guests), and her hands trembled as she handed them the menu. “Thank you”, Byakuya responded, his voice a tad deeper than usual as he stared at her with eyes carrying no warmth in them whatsoever. It was one of those expressions that, a few months earlier, even Renji's blood would have run cold.

"You – you’re welcome” was her stammered reply before the poor girl fled into direction of the kitchen.

“Man, you’ve scarred her for live now, ya know?” Renji grinned toothily at Byakuya who looked back at him completely unimpressed.

“I’m pretty certain it takes more than that to inflict permanent damage, even on a human.” He unfolded the menu and let his eyes roam over the different names and descriptions.

“I could call ya boss when she comes back ta take our orders.”

“...”

“If she comes back, that is. I bet she doesn’t.”

“...”

“How ‘bout it? Wanna bet on it?”

“Renji.”

“Though I guess … huh?”

“The food. Can you recommend anything?”

Disappointed that the noble didn’t collaborate with his plans, Renji pushed his lower lip forward in a pout. Spoilsport. But slightly comforted by the other’s underlying light tone which suggested that he was at least feeling somehow tempted by the redhead’s offer, he answered the noble:

“The quesadillas are s’pposed ta be diabolic. I’ve never tried them though.”

“Quesadillas it is then.”

\--

The rest of the dinner went by smoothly, Renji stuffing his face with one enchilada after another while Byakuya nibbled gracefully on his quesadillas (Renji could smell the spice across the table) and soon enough they had paid (a different waitress attending to them as Renji had predicted and Renji having to use all of his powers of persuasion to convince Byakuya to let him treat him) and they were on their way back out on the streets.

They opted for walking back rather than taking the train (since Renji was pretty positive that was an experience the noble preferred not to make) or calling a taxi (since the small piece of paper with the corresponding phone numbers that Orihime had prepared was lying where he had put it upon receiving, namely on the table in the living room of the warehouse) and thus when they reached their stay for the night, the moon had already risen high.

And Renji was horny as fuck. He had been since the dressing incident, throughout the whole dinner (who would have thought eating could be such an erotic act), and not even the chilly night time air had managed to cool his boiling blood. On the contrary, the close walking had made things worse.

He needed Byakuya. Now.

So as soon as Renji heard the door fall shut behind him, he took long steps after Byakuya into the living room. Byakuya barely had the time to turn around as he felt Renji close in on him before he already felt a strong hand tilt his head upwards and demanding lips pressed fiercely against his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the name of the diner. My imagination died on me while searching for one. If anyone has a better idea, I'll change it. Gladly.


	20. The Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya looked ready to be eaten. And that was exactly what Renji intended to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on, updates will be slower since my break's over. Please bare with me.
> 
> But for now, hope you enjoy the read!

There was an urgency to the kiss that overwhelmed Byakuya and he felt the need to pull away briefly before he let himself be drawn in for another kiss.

This kiss was slower than the first one, Renji tasting Byakuya’s lips and the corners of his mouth thoroughly before dipping his tongue into warm wetness where it wrapped around its counterpart. When the need for oxygen forced them apart, Renji leaned back only enough so he could get a good look of the other man.

The noble looked … ravished. His lips, moist, red and slightly swollen, were parted slightly, his normally pale alabaster cheeks dusted in a light shade of pink and his hair slightly tousled, the kenseikan not having fallen out but definitively not in its initial place anymore. He looked ready to be eaten. And that was exactly what the redhead intended to do.

A feral sound built deep inside Renji’s chest. His kisses grew hungrier, more urgent and he was thrilled when he felt Byakuya respond in equal. The redhead wrapped his arms around the raven to draw him in deeper as he felt Byakuya’s tongue invade his mouth, completely dominating it as the noble tugged on Renji’s tongue forcefully before biting down on his lower lip. Hard.

The responding moan seemed to spur the raven on even more. One of his hands reached upwards to tug roughly on Renji’s hairband until it came loose, causing crimson flames to spill everywhere, while the fingers of the other began threading through the thick mane.

This time it was Renji who broke the kiss in favor of staring at the slightly panting noble.

“You kissed me.”

Byakuya looked only so much away from rolling his eyes at his dumbfounded subordinate. “Excellent observation skills, lieutenant."

“No, I mean ya actually actively… Know what? Forget it. Let’s continue.” Better not point out unnecessary stuff.

Byakuya huffed in what could be mild amusement and they did as Renji suggested. But while most of Renji’s brain felt like dying from the stimulations, a small part was very much alive and kicking, desperately trying to figure out if the noble’s behavior was some kind of hidden signal, some kind of subtle green light that taking things further was ok. If it was, Renji didn’t get it. Subtlety had never been his thing, really.

‘Well, might as well try an’ see.’ It wasn’t like he’d be able to force the man into anything anyway. Because even if he wasn’t carrying senbonzakura on him, Renji had no illusions about the other man being able to stop him – or bring him down, whichever he desired – in a flash. One well-placed kido spell would do nicely.

Thus, while he continued their game of tag with their tongues, he at the same time let his hands glide over the other man’s suit, ridding the raven of his jacket, massaging stiff shoulders, before letting his hands travel from Byakuya’s shoulders down the man’s front over tight chest and abdominal muscles. Muscles that twitched at the touch.

What Renji would not give to see how they felt skin on skin, how it would be to explore them slowly, to trace them with his hands, with his tongue... But that would have to wait for another time. He had something different in mind for now.

\--

Without any warning, Byakuya’s reiatsu spiked.

“ _Renji_.”

Renji’s hands paused immediately, coming to rest on the cloth covering the skin below Byakuya’s stomach.

Damn. And he’d been so fucking close.

Ignoring his self-preservation drive that screamed at him to get the fuck out of here, he waited a few heart beats. And finally the reiatsu stopped trying to crush him to pieces. Other than that, the other man remained unmoving and silent, though, and after having counted from ten backwards, Renji peered into the raven’s face to discover that the other was watching him with wide eyes.

Slowly, he let one hand wander down further while watching Byakuya’s face closely. The noble observed him equally intensely, not breaking eye contact for a second. His eyes left no doubt that one wrong move was all it was going to take to ruin the moment.

“I’m not gonna hurt you, taichou.”

Byakuya’s eyes widened even more at the softly uttered concession before they began to narrow and finally closed fully, closing off Renji’s view on his inner workings.

“I promise”, Renji added in a whisper. Then he waited and hoped.

And Byakuya nodded.

It was just a miniscule movement, the barest of nods, if Renji had blinked he would have missed it, but it had definitively been there. Renji felt as if all the air had been squeezed from his lungs with that one swift movement.

The next moment, his hand had reached Byakuya’s private parts and he experimentally ran his thumb over the bulge there. A hiss escaped Byakuya and his eyes snapped open, his body freezing. Renji stilled his hand again – though not pulling away – and leaned forward to lightly rest his forehead against Byakuya’s. His free hand settled on the other’s side, moving there in what Renji hoped were soothing touches.

The noble closed his eyes once more and slowly – so very slowly – he relaxed a fraction, the furrow between his brows disappearing.

Only then Renji began to gently stroke and massage the growing bulk over the cloth and he heard Byakuya’s breath hitch with every movement of his fingers. Otherwise, the noble did not make any sounds. The raven kept his arms flush at his sides, hands balled into fists with what had to be painful force.

Growing bolder, Renji removed the hand resting at the other’s waist and used both to open the front of the raven’s pants. He rubbed Byakuya through the form-hugging underwear before, after a moment’s hesitation, breaching even that last barrier and wrapping one hand around the noble’s length directly, being rewarded by a soft gasp.

Byakuya was rock hard, his cock flushed pink and weeping as Renji noted more than a little self-satisfied. The man wouldn’t last long. The redhead began to move his hand up and down the (quite impressive) shaft and swiped his thumb across the tip wet with pre-come. The second he touched the head of Byakuya’s erection, the slender body jerked and a hand flew to his wrist.

‘Look who’s sensitive.’

The hand was wrapped around his wrist tightly, hindering any further movement. But it also didn’t pull his hand away. And after a few seconds the hold was loosened. It was not gone completely, but still loosened enough that Renji could continue his ministrations. Which he did, quite diligently so. He took immense pleasure in eliciting sounds from the other man, especially since said man seemed to be holding exactly those back with a stubbornness and hardheadedness rivaling Renji’s own.

It didn’t take long for Renji’s hand to have Byakuya’s breath catch at every stroke and rub of potent fingers on over-sensitized skin, the noble’s face flushed and eyes darkened in barely concealed arousal. And when Renji started working the man’s crown in circular motions (having discovered that it was one of Byakuya’s good spots and using that knowledge mercilessly) Byakuya was pushed over the edge.

Not capable of biting back the horrifying noises anymore that threatened to escape his lips, Byakuya chose to muffle them against the palm of his hand instead. He proved unable to control the faltering of his reiatsu, though, as he spilled into the redhead’s hand who continued to stroke him through his pulsing wave of ecstasy.

\--

Exhausted from the force of his orgasm, Byakuya slumped slightly and Renji caught the man in his arms, careful not to smear the evidence of his passion onto the other’s clothes.

“That was quick”, he blurted out.

What would a day be without him putting his foot in?

Realizing his mistake the moment the words left his mouth, Renji peered at Byakuya uneasily and he was right. The glare the other man gifted him with was murderous.

Great. Taking about a talent to ruin the atmosphere. How he hated that mouth of his sometimes.

“Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It was a compliment, ya see…” The glare did not soften at all, possibly even darkened. Who was he shitting?

Byakuya turned around and made to leave wordlessly, but was stopped by an arm wrapping itself around his waist, holding him back.

“Remove yourself from me immediately.” He didn’t turn to face Renji but his tone said all Renji needed to know. He let go of the raven.

“Seriously, I’m sorry. I’m a complete dickhead. Just forget I said anythin’. _Please_.” He turned the other’s head towards him before, ignoring the promise of death in the other’s gaze as good as possible, he leaned down and pressed a kiss on Byakuya’s lips. At first Byakuya’s lips were stone against his, but slowly they thawed and Renji felt the other man sigh against his lips.

He’d been forgiven.

\--

“Good night, Renji” were the last words the noble directed at him before Byakuya disappeared behind the door of his chamber for the night, leaving behind a not mildly disappointed Renji who had hoped to get to spent the night with the other man, possible cuddles included. Weighing the odds of sneaking into Byakuya’s room, he remembered a certain night and with it the reason the other man could not have his company while sleeping:

‘Right. The nightmares. He doesn’t know I already know ‘bout them.’

\--

The aftermath had been relatively awkward. Even as Byakuya had forgiven his morose behavior, the moment had been ruined. At least Byakuya had remembered how to close his pants, because Renji needing to do that again would have been all kinds of wrong. And so the other man had tucked himself away and had announced his need for a shower, leaving behind an extremely horny Renji to jerk himself off in the restroom like some kind of desperate, runty high-school brat, feeling absolutely pathetic. If his former teammates at the eleventh learned of this, he’d never hear the end of it. They’d shit their pants laughing at how Renji couldn’t get any.

But then again he had managed something nobody had before him (at least not in a long time): The stoic, stick-up-the-ass Kuchiki fucking Byakuya had let Renji give him a hand job! This had to be how it felt like to win the lottery. The fact that he knew better than most how much the Kuchiki noble loathed letting go and revealing even smallest parts of himself made this just so much sweeter.

\--

Byakuya felt wide awake, that much so that even the simple task of closing his eyes and keeping them as such proved a feat bordering on impossibility. He _did_ have a lot to think about, some chains of thought pleasant, others less so. But one of the most protruding ones, rotating around the endearingly idiotic smile of a certain vice-captain of his, were definitively on the former side. They, to his not small astonishment, provoked warmth to pool in his stomach, heating him from the inside out. Though he did not grasp the reason for such a reaction, he found it to be a comfortable feeling, a bit like he was floating, causing other, less positive notions to comfortably retreat into the back of his mind. It was a feeling he drifted off on.

\--

Renji woke from a strange noise. Wearily he crooked one eye open, trying to figure out the source of the sound without having to leave the cozy warmth that was his bed. He didn’t succeed. Instead, he heard the noise once more.

And suddenly Renji was very much awake. His room was right next to Byakuya’s, only separated by a thin wall. And leaning his ear on said wall, Renji could clearly make out the other moaning and groaning in his sleep. The man was having nightmares again.

Then as abruptly as the sounds had started, they broke off again and all Renji could hear was heavy breathing. Renji speculated if he should knock on the wall to make his presence known or if he should even go over there, their relationship having changed a great deal and all, but something held him back, something that told him that Byakuya did not want to see him now, that he had not merely dreamt of his late wife. It was something that caused Renji’s blood to run cold.

He didn’t fall back asleep for a long time after that and when he finally did, it was to the sound of breathing nearby slowly calming down to normal levels.

\--

In the morning, Renji didn’t breach the subject. He did, however, run a thumb along the circles under the other’s eyes that, now that he paid attention, seemed to have gotten darker since his leave. “It’s nothing”, Byakuya brushed off the unspoken question and Renji did not prod. Instead, he satisfied himself with accompanying Byakuya back to where the man had appeared a day prior, pretending not to notice the other’s distressed state.

There was just one thing he could think of doing for the other man now.

“I love you.”

Those were the last words he directed at the noble as the man stepped through the senkaimon and Renji could see eyes widen before the gate faded and finally disappeared, swallowing the raven whole.

That made twice that he had professed his love to the noble and zero for said noble.

Renji turned and walked away.


	21. Getting More Than Asked For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji is getting increasingly impatient with the situation...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A good year has passed since the last chapter.

Byakuya began to visit Renji regularly, meaning every few months (naturally providing a good excuse every time he did), and Renji was allowed to come back on his own as soon as he had proven himself capable of keeping his visits to what Byakuya deemed a reasonable limit. All in all it wasn’t how Renji would have liked things to be, but it was bearable and he started to get used to things. It had helped that he had managed to get a couple of hand jobs in, even if Byakuya had never made a move to return the favor and was quick to back away afterwards before Renji had a chance to go further. It was more service than sex and awkward as hell but Renji wasn't going to complain.

What did pull on his patience though was the fact that their mission had not made any progress at all and the feeling of wasting time, time he could spent training, or better: shagging with Byakuya or doing anything else really, grew stronger. And by the time the Seireitei had finally sunk low enough to ask Urahara for help (something Renji had suggested from the start but that had been rejected with proud fierceness) Renji had the intense urge to punch someone in the face. Preferably until there was not all that much of a face left.

Perfect timing that the alarm on Renji’s hollow-radar-phone-thingy went off that moment, signaling the appearance of hollows at the construction site. Renji stormed off, in grim anticipation already unsheathing an equally eager zabimaru.

\--

Renji landed with his feet on the ground, knees bending lightly to absorb the shock. Something blurred his vision, so he wiped it off with the back of his right hand. Red, sticky wetness clung to his hand as he drew it back.

‘Shit. This ain’t lookin’ good.’

His left arm was hanging lifelessly by his side and if he looked closely, Renji could see nasty white bits stick out of one of the larger wounds. He didn’t look closely. Instead, he shifted his weight to his unharmed leg and rose zabimaru for the next attack. His fighting spirit had mostly vanished (probably poured out together with his blood) but he couldn’t afford to lay low just yet. Many of the workers on site had died or would do so shortly if help didn’t arrive soon, and Rukia who was fighting beside him didn’t look much better than he did.

She had a long gash extending from her chest to her stomach. Not even her face had been spared. Renji could feel white rage well up deep inside of him at the sight, at not having been able to prevent the features he loved so much and had protected for most of his life from being hurt by some lowly hollow.

At least Ichigo seemed to be holding up fairly well (though the same couldn’t be said for his human friends). Renji really had no idea where this huge crowd of gillians had suddenly come from. They were seldom enough in individuals, but a whole pack of them wandering together into the human world was almost unheard of.

‘Guess that’s what they call ‘bad luck’.‘

They had already sent for reinforcements, but there were probably still at least another twenty minutes to go until their arrival. And during that time, he would protect his friends, comrades in arms and protégées. Or he would never again be able to look Byakuya in the eyes.

So he endured. He flash stepped a zero blast before swinging zabimaru at the culprit. He didn’t observe the hollow disintegrate but immediately slashed at the next one. And the next one. And the one after that.

Time seemed to stand still. The world tuned out and Renji heard nothing besides his own labored breathing and the frantic hammering of his heart. Then red began to collect directly in front of him followed by a familiar pressuring sound.

‘Won’t make it’ was his last thought before the world blotted out completely.

\--

It was uncomfortable. In fact, it was damn _painful_. How the hell could dying possibly be connected to so much pain? Maybe this was his punishment for failing to protect the ones he should have – and had sworn to – protect. Well, he couldn’t really complain in that case. He deserved it, after all.

This was what he tried to tell the cool something that he felt hovering over him from what felt like far, far away. But that something didn’t back off and Renji realized that it was a hand. A hand that was wiping his face in slightly awkward, inexpert movements. Byakuya’s hand.

Renji began to reach into the direction of the touch. He struggled against the darkness surrounding him, enveloping him, drawing him under and trying to drag him further down. And finally he broke through to the surface. He jolted awake.

With the numbing nothingness gone, the pain suddenly intensified. But despite feeling like having been rolled over by a truck, shredded with senbonsakura and played with by Yachiru for a whole afternoon at once, his training as a soldier made it take but one glance for him to pinpoint his surroundings, to determine that he was in the warehouse he had spent a night with Byakuya in a good year earlier. More precisely, he was in said warehouse’s bed.

Byakuya was currently standing at the side of the bed, frozen in a half-bent pose, a wet cloth in his hands. He stared at Renji, expression unreadable.

Renji blinked and cleared his throat audibly. “Mornin’.”

Byakuya didn’t say anything, just continued to look at Renji. Renji looked back, still feeling slightly disoriented, before he decided that other things were more important than a staring Byakuya. He cleared his throat once more.

“How’re Rukia ‘nd the others?”

Byakuya remained unmoving for a moment longer. Then he bent forward further, placing the wet cloth on Renji’s forehead as he had been about to do when the redhead had woken up in this rather rash fashion, before resuming a straight posture.

“Rukia was attended to. She is considerably well, there will be no permanent markings, and she is currently being cared for by an insanely fast healed Kurosaki Ichigo.” He pursed his lips lightly, leaving no doubt that the latter was definitively not to be taken as a positive turn of events.

‘So that’s why he’s here n’ not with her.’

“How are you?” The noble’s voice was flat. Angry, Renji guessed. Angry and disappointed.

Renji snickered bemusedly. “Honestly? I feel like shit. I’ve lost almost everyone I was s’pposed to protect. People that trusted me with their _lives_. And I’ve let them die.” He lowered his gaze to his hands where he had placed them in his lap, unable to meet Byakuya’s eyes. “Sorry. I’ve embarrassed you too, taichou.”

“You haven’t.”

The unexpected admission caused Renji to tear his gaze from his lap in favor of staring into slate eyes.

“You have not lost everyone. Many could be saved because you and that Kurosaki Ichigo held out long enough for us to arrive.” And after a heartbeat, as if not sure whether to voice that last part, he added “And neither have you embarrassed me, Renji. Not many would have fared better faced with the same situation … myself included.”

Renji suppressed the urge to stick his fingers in his ears, testing for any potential hearing problems. Was the other man actually trying to _comfort_ him? But despite the noble’s unusual talkativeness, Renji was far from convinced. But deciding not to shun the other’s rare efforts at consolation, he instead chose to change topics:

“By th’ way, why’re we here and not with th’ others? Not that I’m complainin’ or anything.” He grinned at Byakuya, though a bit forced. The noble’s brow furrowed and he moved from his standing position to sitting on the bed’s edge, careful not to put any weight on the redhead’s battered body. Said redhead had propped himself up against the wall by now. Byakuya stared straight ahead at the wall while answering.

“Urahara-san entrusted your care to me when you were healed, though still unconscious, due to dire spatial shortage at the shoten.” He shot Renji a side glance. “Though many were able to be saved, there was a great number of wounded.” Byakuya’s frown deepened further, leaving Renji to muse if the former taichou and recently-not-so-anymore-fugitive had done anything more than send the noble away with his unconscious form. The man _did_ have a knack and weakness for riling up others, proud guys especially. “And since this was the only place I knew of that was equipped with a bed for you to rest in, I maneuvered you here”, Byakuya explained, gaze still fixed straight ahead.

His grin softening into a more honest smile, Renji reached out to take the other’s hand and hold it affectionately against his chest. “ ‘K, thanks anyway.” As he let his thumb draw circles on the back of the captured hand, Renji temporarily let his eyes fall shut, fighting back the rising headache he had felt gnawing at the back of his mind since his awakening. As he opened them once more moments later, he saw worry reflected in the eyes resting upon him, though the rest of the noble’s face remained passive.

“ ‘M ok.” And after a disbelieving stare he added “Really. ‘M jus’ tired. Lemme rest some more an’ I’ll be as good as new.” With that, he closed his eyes once more, determined to, come hell, keep them that way for the next twelve hours.

\--

By the time he cracked an eye open once more, the light falling into the room caused him to groan and shift slightly to hide under the covers. The dimness of the light told him that he had slept but a few measly hours. The headache from before seemed to have spread to his whole body which, though that had seemed impossible, now caused him to feel even _worse_. There was no way he was getting up already. So why had he woken up? Normally he didn’t have problems sleeping in. He’d say he was pretty good at it, actually.

Not able to bring himself to think on the matter too hard, Renji just curled more tightly into the warmth in his chest before drifting off once more.

Only to be pulled back again ungently. He shot up into a sitting position, staring at the hand in his lap like at a manifestation of evil. Maybe the two weren’t so far apart as they seemed.

Then he looked up to the owner of said hand, only to meet stale, inexpressive eyes.

“S-sorry”, he stuttered, releasing the offending limb like it might bite him. Or worse.

The noble didn’t gift him with a reply as he – his hand freed – rose in graceful silence and walked out of the room, leaving behind a thoroughly confused Renji trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened. 

After a while a smile began to tug at the redhead’s lips, spreading to his entire face until it threatened to split it in two as his mind focused on but one fact:

Byakuya could have easily freed himself. But he hadn't.


	22. Hidden Talents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji wakes up yet again ... and another surprise awaits him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! *bows* I promise the next chapter won't be so long *bows again*

The next time Renji blinked his eyes open, he could see the sun stand high in the sky. It was almost summer by now and the sounds of the wind rustling through leaves coupled with the chirping of birds and life in a busy town were carried in through the open window.

Renji tore his gaze away from the window to verify what he had suspected already: There was no Byakuya in the room. The initial relief at being spared another incident like the last one gave way to the question _where_ the other man was, if not here. Damn his spiritual pressure for being so weak right now that he couldn’t even detect reiatsu. But Byakuya wouldn’t just leave, not without even telling him. Right? He was seriously injured, after all.

Well, at least he had been, Renji corrected himself after a quick once-over. The wounds had already begun to close up, the only proof of his near-death experience now being a few shallow cuts and faint, pinkish lines, mainly on his left arm. The broken ribs were now the only part of him still hurting.

A curt knock on the door of the bedroom interrupted his self-check-up and he looked up to see an apron-wearing Byakuya carrying in a plate with something steaming hot and damn tempting on it. Renji felt his stomach rebel at the sight, reminding him of the fact that he hadn’t eaten in far too long. He should definitively get to doing that right now. _Hell_ _yes_.

He was about to tell Byakuya as much when something else caught his attention:

“You _cook_?!”

‘Forget the cooking. He’s wearing a fucking _apron_.’

One elegantly curved eyebrow rose as thin lips thinned even more, forming a straight line. “Yes, Renji. That does indeed seem to be the case.”

Rolling his eyes at the other’s display of offense and muttering something about hiding talents, Renji labored himself into a sitting position, propping himself up against the bed’s head board with considerable effort but still not without Byakuya’s help. He took the offered tray, slipped it into his lap and began gorging immediately, though eyes still fixed on Byakuya’s waist, more precisely on the green-white striped, brown and golden seamed fabric that hugged it tightly, accentuating its lean built obscenely.

After a few bites, Renji managed around a mouthful of miso flavored rice porridge “ ‘S tastes awesome!”

Byakuya, who had been watching Renji eat, or rather stuff his face, from where he had handed the other the tray, shifted his weight so that he was now lightly resting against the wall facing the bedside, gracing Renji with a small smile.

“I am glad you think so. Though I do have to admit that my repertoire is rather limited.” Hardness crept into his tone. “Cooking is, after all, not ‘proper behavior as expected of the Clan Head’.“ Voice softening again, carrying a rare kind of warmth in it, he continued. “My father taught me.”

Renji blinked, surprised. The man didn’t normally talk about himself. Like ever. Was it ok to think that he had managed to, well, not break down, but at least somehow make his way around the clear line Byakuya had drawn between himself and others to as strictly as efficiently kept them out of his private life, that Byakuya was beginning to feel like he could … _know things_?

“I could teach you, y’know. If ya wanted, that is. I’m pretty good in the kitchen, though nobody’d take me for it.”

Byakuya blinked, clearly caught off guard. Then his brows knit together slightly. Thinking, Renji assumed. Thinking and weighing the degradation of getting taught by his lieutenant against the merit of better cooking skills. Then Byakuya nodded.

‘Sweet.’

Trying not to look too pleased with himself (and possibly, probably failing), Renji diverted his attention back to the porridge in his lap. Porridge Byakuya had cooked personally for him. How many people in the Gotei – scratch that, in the whole fucking _Soul Society_ – could claim that?

He doubted the grin glued to his face would fade anytime soon.

“Oh, and taichou?”

“What is it, Renji?”

“Nice apron.”

\--

When he had finished his meal (which took the proud amount of ten minutes, seconds and thirds included), Byakuya accepted the now-empty tray with a clipped, but not unkind, “Now rest” and swept out in direction of the kitchen.

Renji could really get used to this kind of treatment. And it made it damn tempting to try ordering Byakuya around some, just to see how far he could push this new kind of service. Instead though, he lay back down and closed his eyes once more. And despite the vast amount of rest he had already caught, Renji was sound asleep once again mere seconds after, not even the bright midday sun being able to keep him from it.

\--

Byakuya slowly, carefully opened the door, just far enough to allow him a glimpse on the softly snoring redhead. After having assured himself for the umpteenth time that the other was fine, Byakuya gently closed the door once more, shaking his head at his own behavior.

When had he become so concerned about others, apart from Rukia of course? Renji was seemingly fine and well on the way of recovery. He was clearly making this out to be more than it actually was and it was completely unlike him, as he knew himself well enough to say that he was not usually the kind to waste his time worrying over others senselessly. Or to worry about them at all.

_But he is not like other people to you,_ a small voice whispered inside his head.

But what exactly _was_ Renji to him? He was well aware that Renji had taken on an important place in his life, the mere thought of the other causing alienating reactions deep inside of him. But unable to explain the reason for all this turning and rumbling and churning and _fluttering_ , it made him feel uncomfortable, reminding him of being unwell.

Thus, Byakuya pushed the thought to the very back of his mind yet again, to a corner that had been slowly molding away and that had just recently started to become occupied once more, determined to do something productive while waiting for his lieutenant to wake.

\--

“Renji.”

The redhead ignored the voice calling him, determined to continue to do so until the man it belonged to _went away_. Just _thinking_ about getting up hurt.

“Renji, I will depart now.”

And suddenly Renji felt very much awake. And panicky. He shot out of bed, and after a second of waiting until the black dots dancing in front his eyes had disappeared, he sprinted to where Byakuya stood in the door frame, grabbing the other man’s arms as if that would stop hinder him from leaving.

“Wait a minute. You can’t just leave now. Not when all I’ve been doing so far is lazin’ ‘round in bed half deliriously.” He threw Byakuya a pleading look. “Can’t ya just stay another day or so? ”

“I’m afraid I can’t since there is a clan meeting I am obligated to attend.” Renji didn’t miss the way the other’s lips curled, as if the man found the prospect to be altogether displeasing.

“But those are usually in th’ evening, right?”, Renji protested. “Ya still got at least an hour then.“ He smirked. “And as happens, I know quite an … _enjoyable_ way to spent that time.”

Thin lips twitched. “And what exactly would that be?” Gliding his hands from their hold on the noble’s arms to the noble’s back, drawing said man closer in the process, Renji whispered in his ear, voice low, full of temptation:

“Let me show you.” A miniscule shudder answered his words.

Seduction succeeded.


	23. Mingled Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porn without plot. Dunno how that happened...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex scenes are definitively the most difficult to write. They drive me crazy. Or it could be my being sick that made this so damn hard to write.
> 
> You’ve been warned.

Byakuya didn’t protest when Renji let himself fall back on the bed and pulled the noble down with him, causing the raven to become seated on top of Renji. The impact of the fall on his still-raw flesh, though cushioned by the soft bed as it was, drew a pained groan from Renji and, though swallowed back, it was heard by Byakuya and he shot Renji a stern look.

“You are injured. We’re stopping this.”

Renji didn’t bother to bite the groan back this time. “Oi, no way. We ain’t stopping now.” Then he added, smirking: “ ‘Sides, that was.” He lifted his tank top (Byakuya must have changed him sometime in the past days. _Those_ were images that weren’t going to leave his mind anytime soon) to show Byakuya some skin. “Look, I’m all healed up. ‘M good to go.”

Byakuya still looked unconvinced. So Renji decided it was on him to change that fact. It seemed like he had to show Byakuya just how well he was feeling already. He pushed himself off the bed and grabbed the noble’s shoulders, planning to, swiftly and without much fussing, reverse their positions, only to find himself flat on his back again, both wrists pinned above his head.

Right. That was a no then.

But with those simmering slate eyes fixed on him, his disappointment only lasted so long. Especially when he felt the hand not currently holding his in place run over his chest, pushing his shirt up in the process, and begin tracing the dark lines that wound themselves all over his upper body (and further down, as Byakuya couldn’t help note). The touch was kept light and slow, more teasing than actual touching and it felt _so good_. A deep moan escaped Renji when a fingernail grazed over a sensitive nub on his chest and he automatically arched up into the touch.

Slumping back onto the mattress, he saw that Byakuya’s lips had curved upwards, obviously quite pleased with the reactions his ministrations evoked. Still smirking lightly, The noble leaned forward until his breath tingled the skin at Renji’s throat. After a second of lingering there to either draw out the moment or gauge Renji’s reaction – Renji just couldn’t bring himself to call it _sniffing_ – he bit down. And Renji reared, his whole body reacting.

Damn. And just from a touch, too. But it figured the noble’d be good at this. Because, frankly, the man seemed to be good at _everything_ he did. Heck, what wouldn’t Renji give to see him thrown off kilter for once. It’d be sure to be a sight…

It didn’t really help things that Byakuya had put his usual mask of polite boredom back on. And it didn’t make guessing what the other was up to any easier either. Judging from his expression alone, they might as well be in the middle discussing division reports.

Renji snorted, the sound changing into a groan halfway as slender fingers and a talented mouth began to work his body, leaving a wet trail of hickeys and bite-marks in their wake, probing yet very diligent and still painfully slow, as if determined to explore every nook and cranny of his body. Renji writhed, pleasure building and steadily rising deep inside of him, spreading to every part of his body, setting it on fire, particularly a certain spot not yet having been touched, but more than ready to be.

In fact, he _needed_ it to be.

But it didn’t look like the noble would get there anytime soon. Said man was currently occupied with nibbling at the flesh of Renji’s hip bone before experimentally dipping his tongue into Renji’s belly button and making it seriously hard for the redhead to do anything other than moan and swear incoherently.

If he wanted to be touched, he’d have to do it himself. Only that his hands were still held captive. And apart from the question if breaking free was even feasible, there was the another one scrutinizing if that was really such a good idea.

Probably not, pinned hands not exactly being an invitation to be an active participant and all. But he couldn’t help it, he was growing real desperate here. And if he did it quick enough, he should have a fair chance, it being two hands against one.

So Renji sucked in a deep breath while summoning up some spiritual energy, before releasing both at once, using the surprised loosening of the other’s hold to free himself from the other’s grasp.

But the new freedom only lasted as long as Byakuya’s surprise. Which was about half a second. Then heavy reiatsu bore down on Renji, causing all air to be pressed out of his lungs and leaving him gasping for breath.

“Damn, taichou, you tryin’ to _kill_ me here?”

Instead of an answer, Byakuya sank his teeth back into Renji’s throat, definitively drawing blood this time and nearly undoing Renji on the spot. 

Ok. No participating. He could work with that as well.

Having assured himself that Renji would not try to free himself once more, Byakuya resumed his ministrations. But then, shortly before _finally getting there_ , his hand halted, hesitating.

Renji didn’t want to stop now. Would absolutely _hate_ to. But it still felt kind of like the right thing to do to give the guy a choice, especially considering that he had no idea what had brought about the sudden active-aggressive approach of the usual contained noble.

“Ya don’t have to do this.”

A pause.

“Quiet, Abarai.”

Ignoring the snappish tone, Renji dug deeper, “Are you sure? Ya have any experience with guys?” He should really shut his trap and _get on with it_. Before Byakuya changed his mind, which, by the look on his face, may be sooner rather than later.

At first it seemed like the raven would simply ignore his question, giving Renji a strange look that left him feeling like he was missing out on a lot of backstory. Then Byakuya shook his head almost imperceptibly.

‘Thought so’.

“But I am rather positive I know how male pleasure works”, Byakuya said somewhat drily.

Thank god. “Oh, right. ‘K, you’re good to go then.” Renji leaned back into the cushions, having learned his lesson and now waiting for the other. True enough, Byakuya shortly after began tracing his tattoos again (he really seemed to have taken a liking to them), starting from his chest and following the lines down to the curve of his hips. He then left the lines of tattoos in favor of stroking the soft flesh at the inner side of a thigh, sending a shudder through the redhead beneath him. He repeated the action.

He then let his hand creep closer to the redhead’s desperately leaking, deeply flushed member before, after a short pause, he finally wrapped his fingers around the hard length, causing Renji to let out a low, guttural moan. After a few experimental strokes, Renji was hard as a rock already and barely holding himself in check.

How did Byakuya _do_ that?

The noble’s strokes grew firmer and with it, the remainders of Renji’s self-control and any thoughts of drawing this out, making it last as long as possible, flew out of the window.

“T-taichou!”

“You may proceed.” Leave it to Byakuya to pull the superior even in that kind of situation.

But - bossiness aside - Renji was just too willing to oblige and he gave in to white, hot pleasure, releasing a low, deep-throated growl sounding more animalistic than human.

\--

He was yanked back to reality by a rather smug Byakuya. “Who’s quick?”

He should have known the man would hold a grudge.

“Can’t help it. ’S you touching me, after all.” Renji grinned and pulled a scowling Byakuya down for a kiss. “By ‘th way, seems like I’m not the only one gettin’ all hot here…” he remarked as his hand cupped the noble’s staining erection through his human-style pants, earning him a surprised yelp, cut off midway.

Renji propped himself up on one elbow to press his mouth on Byakuya’s more fiercely, muffling the noble’s reply. Between kisses, he slowly pushed himself up until they were both sitting on the bed.

“C’mere.”

Byakuya shot him a hard look but obliged, letting Renji maneuver him to sit on the bedside. He quietly observed Renji as said redhead positioned himself between his legs, before glancing up at Byakuya’s face briefly. Content with what he saw there, Renji reached forward and, quite unceremoniously, took Byakuya into his mouth.

“…!”

Renji wrapped one hand around the base of Byakuya’s cock, using the other to stabilize himself. Then he began to _move_ , bobbing his head up and down, taking Byakuya in as deep as he could.

Though it wasn’t like Renji had never given head before, it had been a long time. Thus, when he felt the tip of Byakuya’s cock hit the back of his throat, he swallowed quickly, fighting the gag reflex. But at the same time the feeling of the pulsing heat in his mouth and the _thought_ of what was currently in there let him release a moan.

He was rewarded with a slight buck of slender hips at the vibrations and a hand came to rest in Renji’s hair, gripping tightly, not clear if to encourage or to stop. He continued, anyway.

It looked like the missing practice hadn’t made him loose his skills. If the painfully hard flesh in his mouth was anything to go by, that was. By now Byakuya had grown so big that he filled out Renji’s mouth completely. Renji hollowed his cheeks before pulling his head back, _sucking_ , earning him a hissed exhale. Then, not giving Byakuya any chance to recover, he licked along the underside, from the base to the tip, before he swirled his tongue over the head, dipping it into the slit almost languidly, tasting the other man.

A glance upwards told Renji that Byakuya’s hands were fisted in the sheets, knuckles white. The noble himself was staring down at Renji with tight lips and lust-lidded eyes, brows drawn together in concentration. Renji let teeth scrape lightly over over-sensitized flesh.

“Renji, I …” Byakuya’s voice was hoarse, heavy, _full of promise_ and Renji understood. He could feel the tightening of muscles and relaxed his throat, taking Byakuya in completely until the noble’s pubes tickled his nose. A moment later, warm, bitter wetness spilled into his mouth, accompanied by a muffled cry and trembling of limbs.

Renji swallowed frantically but a small trail of come still managed to escape, trickling down his chin. He licked it with his tongue before heaving himself upwards and all but collapsing on the bed next to a slightly breathless Byakuya.

“That was … intense.”

“Indeed.”

If that was going to come out of him almost kicking the bucket, his not-so-rare near-death experiences were sure to become a lot more interesting in the future.


	24. Home Sweet Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji's finally back in the Seireitei and looks forward to some downtime with his taichou...

Renji took a deep breath. He smelled freshly cut grass, all kinds of fragrances of food emanating from openly displayed goodies by street vendors, a lingering odor of dried sweat and blood mixed with a faint scent of an experiment gone wrong, latter without a doubt stemming from the twelfth. It smelled like home.

He was back, finally. It had been almost two years, way too long considering their fool-proof mission. Never mind the part where he’d nearly died. But seriously, they’d have been able to cut the mission at least to half the time if that damn old geezer had loosened up some and had just taken Urahara up on his proposal.

The guy had even _offered_ , for kami’s sake.

Well, not that the Head Captain didn’t take Urahara up on it in the end, he hadn’t had much of a choice really, but he’d done so only after some nerve-shredding, time-consuming, meeting-entailing brooding. What wasn’t much of a surprise then, though, was that Urahara had managed to solve the case in less than three months.

Renji had _told_ them to talk to the man sooner. Having asked him right away would not only have gotten them home faster, but would also have spared the Gotei of a fair bit of its embarrassment.

Not that he was personally feeling embarrassed or anything. All he was currently feeling was a real intense need for an thorough body scrub coupled with a nice, long bath and some downtime with Byakuya afterwards.

He hadn’t seen the other much in the last half year, both of them having been pretty busy, Byakuya with division and clan stuff and he running errands for Urahara (which had strangely started way before the Soul Society had officially accepted his help. The man had reduced Renji to his personal odd-jobs boy).

But the long time apart promised to make the reunion now just all the sweeter.

\--

At the sixth, Renji burst into his and Byakuya’s shared office, not bothering to knock.

Byakuya, who had snapped his head up to stare down whoever had the pure brazenness to disturb his peace and calm, and in such a rude manner at that, found his lips captured in a passionate, albeit rather sloppy, kiss.

“I’m back.” The sheer diameter of the grin plastered on Renji’s face caused Byakuya to muse if it hurt to smile so brightly.

“Renji.” Byakuya frowned, making it a point to show his displeasure at the manner of the other’s entry. “Welcome back. I assume you have completed your mission successfully?”

Renji’s grin faltered slightly, but stayed on as he watched the elder man rise from his chair. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Did so. Urahara-san saved all of our asses once more.”

They were standing so close that Byakuya had to lean back slightly in order to catch a good look at his lieutenant, a fact that he did not cherish. Frown deepening and taking a step back, he queried “How so?” The thought of owing anything to the cheerful, irresponsible rogue, seemingly without even the most _basic_ of principles, didn’t bode well with him.

Renji groaned. Of course Byakuya’d immediately want to go into the details. Business before personal life, heh? And apparently that still held when they’d been apart for practically half a year.

“For all I’ve understood, he invented some device that detects weaknesses in th’ barrier and repairs ‘em. And it’s supposed ta recharge automatically, using sun rays or somethin’, so no more work for us.” Seeing Bykauya open his mouth, he quickly continued “Urahara-san pinned it down for ya in more detail. I’ll give it to you first thing tomorrow.”

_So now we can move on to the good stuff._

But Byakuya being Byakuya didn’t quite get the cue, or deliberately ignored it. Either way, the Kuchiki scion continued to look at Renji with expectant, demanding eyes. Renji knew what Byakuya still wanted to hear.

He sighed, shoulders sagging slightly, and a hand rose to scratch at a shoulder, absently flicking off flakes of dried blood. He didn’t meet Byakuya’s eyes. “All in all, we lost four men of the twelfth and five of the sixth. Our sixth and eighth seat among them.” Renji kept his eyes pinned to the floor, finding deep interest in the wooden pattern there.

“I see.”

Nobody said anything after that for a while, Byakuya seeming to reflect on something and Renji occupying himself with counting the circles on the planks. Finally, Byakuya broke the silence. “ Do not look so devastated Renji. It doesn’t suit you.”

…what?

Renji’s snapped his head up, ready to tell the other just where he could shove that opinion of his, but was interrupted before he could. “Considering the unexpected difficulties you found yourself faced with, the losses are not entirely unreasonable.”

Oh. Oh. Well, that was … unexpected.

Byakuya’s eyes locked with his, an uncharacteristic softness, almost pain, in them, an understanding of some level, sharing with Renji that he wasn’t the only one to know how it felt like to fail at protecting what mattered.

Renji stared at the other, somehow touched at the man’s obvious, albeit somewhat awkward attempt at cheering him up. Clearly the man didn’t have much practice. But he was evidently trying and Renji would be lying if he said that it didn’t work at all. At least it seemed to work for his nether regions, judging from the way his pants had tightened.

Never breaking away from those hypnotizing orbs, he stepped forward, re-closing the gap between them. But before he could press his lips against Byakuya’s once more, the noble stopped him short.

“Not here. The office is hardly an appropriate venue for such behavior.”

Renji blinked. “Huh? Hasn’t bothered ya much in the past. Why start now?” He leaned in again, ignoring the palm pressing into his chest, only to have Byakuya turn his head to the side and lean backwards simultaneously, evading him with smooth effortlessness.

“I said no.” The noble’s tone was decisive, final.

Ok, he so didn’t need this. He was fucking _exhausted_ , having fought hollows with Ichigo (and afterwards against Ichigo) for the last two days straight after an ‘unfortunate little slip of control’ over his newest invention on Urahara’s part and having then dropped everything and rushed back to the Seireitei literally the second he’d gotten the message that their mission had officially been declared completed. All he wanted now was a nice, peaceful evening with his boyfriend, eating, catching up, possible cuddles included. He’d given a quick report in an effort to accommodate the other and now he sure as hell didn’t need this kind of prissy attitude.

He grabbed Byakuya by the chin, forcibly turning his head so he could crash their mouths together, teeth clashing in the process.

That was when he heard a nervous clearing of throat and at the same moment he became aware of a previously overlooked self-consciously shifting spiritual presence. Before Renji could react though, he was crashing backwards into the office wall at full force.

And then he detected the crooked figure hovering in the door frame, practically oozing uncomfortableness.

Fuck, he’d forgotten to close the door.


	25. Caught red-handed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya and Renji are caught kissing by one unlucky guy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated a little earlier than originally intended for Kelly and her sweet comment ;-) Apologize to my chemistry exercises!

_He grabbed Byakuya by the chin, forcibly turning his head so he could crash their mouths together, teeth clashing in the process._

_That was when he heard a nervous clearing of throat and at the same moment he became aware of a previously overlooked self-consciously shifting spiritual presence. Before Renji could react though, he was crashing backwards into the office wall at full force._

_And then he detected the crooked figure hovering in the doorframe, practically oozing uncomfortableness._

_Fuck, he’d forgotten to close the door._

This wasn’t good.

Ok, first things first, identify the disruptor. Was that Rikichi? Yeah, no way he’d mistake that lanky body coupled with the black hair and the forehead tattoo tellingly similar to his own. Yeah, he could handle this.

Ignoring the blush that crept into his cheeks, Renji stretched his lips into a toothy smile “Oi, Rikichi, nobody taught ya not to peak in on people?”

Rikichi just stared at him, eyes as wide as saucers.

Ugh. Seemed like the kid was shell-shocked. Well, wasn’t really like he could blame the guy. If their places were reversed, Renji was pretty sure his jaw would be scraping the floor.

Out of the corner of an eye, he saw Byakuya straighten his posture and smooth out his haori before he fixed Rikichi in a cold glare. “Abarai-fukutaichou seems to have forgotten his place for a moment.”

Ok, _that_ stung.

Eyes briefly flickering over to Renji at his flinch, Byakuya continued, voice growing hard “You will forget what you have witnessed right this instant. Do I make myself clear?” The fact that the words were spoken in an almost-whisper did little to hide the threat behind them, which seemed to shake Rikichi out of his stupor. His whole body began to tremble and Renji could have sworn he heard teeth clatter.

“Y-yes, sir. R-right this instant, sir”, the unseated officer stuttered, saluting hastily, before he turned tails and ran, disappearing faster than should have been possible without the art of shunpo. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for the other despite being in dire straits because of the guy now. One glance at Byakuya told him as much. They noble was radiating killing-intent.

“Well, that was awkward”, The redhead finally offered after the silence had stretched on a little too long for his tastes. He brushed bits of wooden splitters off of himself, not sure how to feel about the sudden interruption and what to make of the situation in its wake, but sure about one thing: he wasn’t up for another fight.

Too bad that Byakuya didn’t seem to share his feelings.

“Well done, fukutaichou.” The sarcasm in the dry voice was almost palpable and wasn’t doing any good for Renji in the self-restraint department. He forcefully kept the scowl from his face. “Look, I’m sorry. Didn’t plan for that to happen – ”

“Obviously”, Byakuya interrupted him coldly. Renji threw him an annoyed glance. “Hey, I apologized here. Rikichi ain’t some gossip. He won’t go ‘round rubbing what he's seen in everyone’s faces. So would it kill ya to, like, for once, just accept and let things go?”

“You will not disobey me again.”

Looked like it would.

Renji turned around, leaving. Only that he had barely made it out of the office when a steely hand wrapped itself around his upper arm, near his elbow, holding him fast in place.

“I am not finished, fukutaichou.”

Renji felt the small, delicate string of his self-control tear. Without turning, he yanked his arm out of Byakuya’s grasp and snarled “Well, too bad. ‘Cause _I_ am.”

Again, the hand held him back, gripping tight enough to bruise.

“Do not turn your back on me, Renji. I won’t allow it.”

Renji did turn around at that, in favor of staring at the noble disbelievingly. “We will talk about this like sophisticated men. Come back into the office.”

Renji continued to stare at the other, but he let himself be pulled back into the room, the door falling shut behind him. Once inside, Byakuya let go of his arm. He still looked angry, though by now laced with a good portion of confusion and what could possibly be frustration. “First of, I fail to understand why you appear to be so angry when it is plainly obvious that I am the offended party in this matter."

Renji took a step closer to the raven, arms crossed, using their difference in height to stare down at the other man, a move he damn well knew the other despised. “I’m angry at ya fer pulling rank on me over this! And ‘s not really helpin’ any that I seem ta be the only one that’s looked forward to today, either.”

Byakuya opened his mouth and closed it again, conflicted, torn between a flaring of pride at being spoken to so rudely, which urged him to sharply reprimand the man towering over him in such a provocative manner, and between a need to defend himself. But before he could do either, the redhead went on.

“And seriously, taichou? You’re the _offended party_? Offended by what? Havin’ been seen with me, the dirty dog from Inuzuri, _unworthy_ of touching your highness?”

Byakuya flinched, though his eyes flared at the derogatory name, and it brought Renji’s rambling to a screeching halt. He stopped his wild gesticulations to have a closer look at the man in front of him.

“So that’s it, yer ashamed of me?” Byakuya remained silent, but his face spoke volumes. He couldn’t deny it and Renji suddenly felt very sick. “I see”, he said softly, anger completely drained, before he turned and left, no hand shooting out to hold him back this time.

\--

Byakuya raged. But he wasn’t feeling pure rage. It was a rage that served to cover up other, less welcome emotions, as he unwillingly acknowledged. Emotions like guilt for instance. The 28th head of the Kuchiki household wasn’t used to the concept of guilt and it made him uncomfortable. It was much easier to just bury the notion and all others while he was at it in clean, clear, easy-to-handle and straight-forward anger.

Thus, he did.

\--

Renji had planned to barricade himself in his apartment with but one goal: wallow in self-pity. All evening. Maybe tomorrow as well, he’d see. But what he certainly hadn’t planned was to end up at the eleventh, surrounded by its usual madness, including already passed-out bodies scattered everywhere, stripteases of bodies nobody actually _wanted_ to have a closer look at and at best half-coherent murder proclamations.

He was currently chugging down his, what, fourth? fifth? It was getting hard to keep track, beer. Beside him, Yumichika, the one who had dragged him here despite his protesting, delicately sipped at his. He’d never do something as crude and unbeautiful as chugging. Ikkaku opposite of him couldn’t give a shit about something like that. He was drowning the things like his life depended on it.

“So, do tell, what has our favorite redhead all upset?” Yumichika observed him over the rim of the glass he held clasped delicately. He gave Renji a playful wink while Ikkaku grinned. But Renji wasn’t in the mood for games. “Fuck off, Yumi.”

But he should have known that was a mistake. Even the rookies at the eleventh knew better than to get on Yumichika’s bad side. It tended not to end too well.

The feminine man threw back his hair and glared at Renji, clearly incensed. Ikkaku just grinned even wider and leaned closer as not to miss what was to follow. “I see, so you wish to do this the hard way.” The look he fixed Renji with could definitively not be called a smile anymore. Better backpedal.

"Look, Yumi, I know yer trying to help, but I’ve had a real crappy day an’ all I want is ta relax some, yeah?” He knew he sounded whiny, but couldn’t bring himself to care. Especially as he saw the other man’s gaze soften, changing into a real smile. The man took another careful sip of his beer, head crooked as if thinking about something. Then he broke out in triumphant grin. “I know what you need. You need to get laid.”

Renji groaned, his face hitting the table, and Ikkaku bellowed a short laugh, but Yumichika ignored them both. “When was the last time you had sex, Abarai?”

Yeah, really, when _had_ been the last time? He guessed before he’d become involved with Byakuya. That’d make what? Three years? Damn.

Taking his silence as all of the answer he needed, Yumichika nodded. “So that settles it then: You are to have sex tonight.” He sounded immensely pleased with himself. “No.” Yumichika crooked a brow. “Yes, you will.” The brow rose even higher as another thought came to him. “Unless you’re already engaged with someone.” It was downright insulting how obviously unlikely that possibility seemed to the other. And that was what he called his friend.

But _was_ he in a relationship? If asked yesterday, he’d have said yes without a second thought. But now he wasn’t so sure anymore. Could you be together if one was ashamed of the other? Somehow that didn’t seem to be how those kind of things went. Not that he was an expert in dating (He’d always been more for fucking with no strings attached, with Rukia having been an exception of course. It was much less trouble that way, he just had to look at what was between Byakuya and him right now) but as far as he had understood, a relationship was supposed to stem from love and be built on trust and respect and equality and such things. And none of those seemed to apply to them.

The revelation left Renji with a bitter aftertaste.

Yumichika, who had watched him, smiled rather smugly. “Thought so.” His voice became more conciliatory. “We only want the best for you, right Ikkaku?” Ikkaku just grunted around his bottle. Renji sighed and took the bottle Ikkaku handed him, drowning its remaining contents in one go, before reaching for the next one.

“I know.”


	26. Bared Fangs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all, really.

The redhead was woken by the pounding of his own head. Definitively _not_ the best way to start the day. He wrinkled his nose and pried his eyes open a fraction, just to squeeze them shut again a moment after.

He officially hated the morning sun. It was _too damn bright_. It really was a mystery to him how guys like Byakuya could get up at barely dawn, something about not wanting to waste a second of the day. He, for his part, was just all too content to stay cuddled up in his warm, toasty bed for as long as possible.

But wait. This wasn’t his bed. He was lying on a floor.

The eleventh division’s floor.

Renji was up in a flash, before he was squinting on the ground again, cradling his head in both hands.

Bad idea.

When the worst pain had subsided, he stood up again – slowly this time – and took a look at himself and his surroundings. There were scattered bodies everywhere, in several stages of dressing. One look down told him that he himself was naked safe for his undergarments. Another, more thorough look told him that he had not been undressed any further than that.

_Thank gods_.

After a quick scanning of the room he found a shihakusho that looked his size and he shrugged into it. Carefully, as not to step on the sea of still-unconscious bodies, he made his way out and in direction of the sixth.

\--

Byakuya had managed to hold onto his anger fairly well, though admittedly it had helped to find Renji not groveling for forgiveness in his mansion the previous night but detecting his reiatsu at the eleventh, without a doubt participating in one of those uncouth drinking orgies.

\--

Renji’s hand hovered over the door of their shared office. His mood hadn’t exactly improved much since yesterday. Worsened, much more like. After the revelation yesterday, he really didn’t feel like seeing Byakuya for a while, so avoiding the other seemed like a pretty good option for now.

Renji turned away, off to the practice field, determined to let some steam off in a much needed training drill.

\--

Byakuya felt his fukutaichou’s reiatsu linger in front of the office before it distanced itself once more, clearly a weak attempt of the other to avoid an argument. A glance outside the window told him that the redhead was exactly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Byakuya had no intentions of letting him off like that.

He carefully put aside the ink brush he was holding, mindful not to smear the document he had just composed with it, and rose from his seat, paying no heed to the insistent humming at the back of his head.

\--

He could hear the fighting long before he could actually see it, the heavy clacking of wood against wood, ragged breathing mingled with muttered curses, the shouts of a certain redhead intermittently cutting through all other noises.

But all those noises died down at the sight of him approaching, something that, though he’d never admit to it, filled him with silent satisfaction. He strode right to the redheaded figure standing in the midst of the crowd, apparently using hands and feet to demonstrate – whatever it was he was currently demonstrating.

He stopped only once he had reached his second-in-command, who in turn had abandoned his demonstration in favor of watching him approach, face uncharacteristically blank. Interesting.

Byakuya turned his gaze away from Renji to glare at his subordinates. “I do not remember telling you to stop training.”

And suddenly the air was filled with sound once more as everyone scrambled to resume their training, this time more subdued though, as if still mindful of his presence. Everyone except for Renji. Renji just continued to stand there, Zabimaru half-raised, though face still expressionless.

Byakuya slowly rose an arm, curling his fingers in a come-hither gesture.

“Come.”

\--

They had been at it for two hours already. By now the whole squad had gathered around them, observing them quietly safe for a few hushed whispers.

Renji was snarling openly and he knew it. He was feeling completely battered and had a pretty good guess what he must look like: drenched in sweat, hair come loose and spilling over his shoulders and back in uncontrolled, thick waves, his whole body covered in cuts and bruises. He was sure to be a sight to behold.

Byakuya, on the other hand, still seemed entirely unaffected. The bastard hadn’t gotten more than a few scratches and hadn’t even seen it fit to remove his scarf as of yet.

Renji clenched his teeth, not bothering to hold back the low growl forming in his chest, while raising Zabimaru for another attack.

\--

Byakuya observed his fukutaichou closely, noting his counterpart’s obvious exhaustion, pondering why the other hadn’t given up yet.

But of course he hadn’t. It was part of why he had chosen this man to be his vice-captain, his will to never give up, to always push on, to overcome everything standing in between him and what he deemed right. It was part of what made him different, desirable, _special_.

But nevertheless, this fight would have to come to an end soon.

Averting his attention away from highly distracting red tresses, Byakuya instead focused on the tensing of hard muscle, practically screaming that the next attack was imminent.

Kuchiki Byakuya took his lieutenant out with one fluid move, executed with deadly precision and perfect effortless, causing his second-in-command to drop to one knee with a pained grunt not even all stubbornness could prevent.

The murmurs rose in volume.

\--

Said redhead looked up to glare at the figure watching him from a distance with something akin to arrogant boredom.

“That was low.” He ground out. “Wouldn’t’ve pecked you the type to use those kinda moves.” A toothy grin stole itself on his face. “Where did you learn to fight like that, taichou?” Then a thought caught up with him.

Street fighting moves. For a street dog.

His felt his face contort into a grimace and he suddenly had the overwhelming urge to scratch that damn pleased expression off that pretty face. If only his leg didn’t hurt like a bitch. Also, he’d only prove the other right. But Byakuya wasn’t the only one who could play dirty, though the most obvious retort on Hisana was definitively playing it a bit _too_ dirty. As furious as he was, causing a breakdown in front of the whole division wasn't an option.

“You sure you want to leave your back open like that, taichou?”, he called out instead to the already departing raven. “We wouldn’t want our precious little princess to get bitten by her hellhound, would we?”

One could have heard a needle fall in the silence that followed, only disrupted by a sharp, powerful flare of reiatsu, immediately reigned back in. Byakuya turned around slowly.

A single look at his face and everyone present made that they gained some additional ground between themselves and one furious Kuchiki Byakuya and the object of his fury. Said object, however, stared the noble straight in the eyes, chin raised defiantly, daring the other.

One moment, Renji was standing, the next he was back on his knees, the noble staring down on him.

“Dogs should stay on the ground, where they belong.” Byakuya all but sneered, only Renji hearing the low added “Mansion. Tonight. 10 o’clock.”

Then, the noble was gone, leaving Renji behind, shaking with rage.

But why, even now, did that last part sound so damn promising?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was evil. And sure as hell wouldn't have made it here any time soon without another encouraging comment spurring me on to sit down and just FUCKING DO THIS.


	27. Demons Surfacing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji tries to convince himself not to go to the mansion. He fails.

Renji wasn’t going to show up.

Damn straight he wasn’t. Not like the other could humiliate him in front of the entire squad, debase him in front of the people he was supposed to _command_ , be an authority figure to, and then still expect Renji to hop to his every wish. He did enough of that already when they _weren’t_ fighting.

And besides that, what the hell was wrong with the other than he couldn’t even let Renji avoid him for a bit and stomach in peace what the other threw at him? Screw that, Byakuya had to swoop in, screaming for that argument.

So, that settled, what exactly was he doing at the front gate to the Kuchiki mansion at 21:59?

Renji sighed. As little as he liked it, it seemed time he came to terms with the fact that he really was Byakuya’s dog. In a way at least. After all, he _had_ come running exactly when called though pretty much furious at the other.

Now that he was here, he might as well enter. Not like Byakuya hadn’t sensed his reiatsu by now. He just hoped the noble had also sensed the pulsing anger in it.

The door was opened barely a second after his knock, like someone had been standing directly behind it, which probably had been the case, Byakuya seeming like the type to have servants for all kinds of odd jobs, and Renji found himself led to Byakuya’s private quarters by a small, petite servant girl, just barely not passing as a child anymore.

She reminded him of Rukia back in the days, eyes huge and frightened and it stirred all kinds of protective vibes in Renji that he forcefully cut off. At least this girl had three square meals a day and a roof over her head. 

He offered to guide himself to the master’s chambers, though, pretty sure he remembered the way from the last time he’d been here, but the girl flat out ignored him. Looked like she wasn’t allowed to take orders from strangers. Or talk to them.

Finally there, the girl excused herself with a low bow to Byakuya and a curious glance in his direction after having formally announced his presence to the lord of the manor, who was currently standing at an opened slide door leading into the gardens and peering into the darkness. 

Said lord didn’t bother to turn around or just give any kind of sign that he had heard the girl, leaving Renji to hover at the entrance awkwardly, staring at the noble’s back. That was when Renji, previously having been too busy convincing himself not to show up, started thinking about exactly _why_ he had been ordered here. From how things had ended between them this afternoon, the two of them probably weren’t about to have a nice, private, little tea party.

“Uhm, here I am?”

Byakuya finally turned around and Renji gulped. Byakuya didn’t look particularly happy. Well, not that he ever really did.

“You’ve embarrassed me, Renji.” He had spoken quietly, stating a fact, but there was still this challenging ring to it that Renji couldn’t help but rise to. “Same to you”, he responded, careful to keep his voice in check. No sense in blowing up here.

Byakuya ignored him. “I won’t tolerate you abusing our private relationship to diminish my authority in public.“

…what?

Fuck being calm. Arms crossing over his chest, he scoffed “What relationship? ‘Cause last I’ve checked, you were ashamed 'a me.”

\--

Byakuya fully intended to chastise the other properly for his tone, choice of words and his whole existence in general, but it never came to that because something caught his eye. The shihakusho his second-in-command was wearing was just a little too tight around the shoulders, the sleeves a fraction too short.

_It wasn’t his own._

\--

In the blink of an eye and without so much as a warning, Renji found himself propped up hard against the wall with Byakuya’s body pressing up against him (what was with the noble and slamming him into walls anyway?). And as fucking _fuming_ as he was, he felt the fight quickly leave him, because _damn_ was Byakuya a skilled kisser.

The man certainly knew what he was doing and the thing his tongue was currently subjecting Renji’s mouth to was making him all gooey. By the time his backside hit the bed, all negative feelings had vanished into thin air.

Hmm maybe make-up sex wasn’t such a bad option right now, though he had imagined their first time to be slightly … different. More romantic, somehow, but whatever. He’d take what was offered.

As soon as they were lying on the double-sized bed, the noble still above him, his wrists were pinned above his head in an iron grip, the other’s lips successfully muffling his yelp of surprise. Renji slid his eyes closed, starting to relax, give in, when he felt something being wrapped around his wrists.

“Oi, taichou. What’re you doin’?”

He didn’t get a response.

“Hey, talk to me here.” Still nothing. Instead, he felt hands working at his hair tie until it came loose, the hands then winding themselves into his red mane, pulling hard. Ok, something was wrong here.

He started to struggle against the restraints, which seemed to cause Byakuya to regain his voice. He hissed right beside Renji’s ear “Don’t.” It was a command and something about its tone sent a shiver down Renji’s spine. 

But he forced himself to look Byakuya and say firmly “No, not like this.” But it seemed Byakuya didn’t listen – or simply didn’t care. He looked at Renji wordlessly, something gleaming deep down in his eyes that Renji decided he definitively _didn’t_ like the look of, before he leaned forward, pinning Renji completely under his body weight, and sank his teeth into Renji’s Adam’s apple. Renji groaned. Nails started to rank over his body non too gently, producing thin, red lines at best, more realistically drawing blood, cloth tearing in the process.

And that was when Renji understood.

His consent in this did not matter.

Renji felt a tongue suck hard on his, teeth chewing on his lips, getting him a taste of his own blood. His nipples were pinched, twisted, bruising. Renji arched up into the touch, then fell back onto the bed with a pained grunt when his balls were squeezed cruelly. 

He opened his mouth to protest, but what came out instead was a mixture of a moan and a squawk as Byakuya entered him in one swift thrust.

There was pain, but there was pleasure as well.

Renji distantly heard himself scream as he peaked, before everything turned black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, I didn't want any bdsm in this, but apparently Byakuya does whatever the hell he wants. So yeah, domination play for you guys. But for those of you who don't like it: don't worry, this is as hardcore as it'll get and there won't be a whole lot. But just vanilla sex just didn't seem right. Right??
> 
> And I wasn't sure if I should put an extra warning here for not entirely consensual sex, but decided against it because it would kind of ruin the whole chapter. And I WILL add a warning to the tags of the whole story.  
> Anyway, I sincerely apologize to anyone who's had a flashback or something because of it!


	28. Dos And Don'ts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji wakes up in unfamiliar surroundings ...

For the second time in two days, Renji awoke to the feeling of pain. This time, though, not his head was the culprit, but … other parts.

He groaned and slowly rolled over onto his back, wincing at the movement. A voice rose beside him. “How are you feeling?”

Renji opened his eyes with effort, catching sight of a raven-haired figure kneeling in formal seiza beside the futon he lay sprawled out on, watching him, face completely blank, only his eyes betraying traces of his inner workings.

“What do ya think?”

Byakuya’s eyes had the decency to look guilty. Renji propped himself up on one elbow, slowly working himself up into a sitting position, though not without a few hisses in the process. Byakuya moved as if wanting to help but retreated again before actually touching him, thinking better of it.

Renji looked down on himself, noticing that he was naked. He also noticed something rusty-brown between his legs. Blood. “Shit.”

Byakuya’s eyes had followed his. “I’m sorry”, he whispered. Renji had never heard the other’s voice sound so small. “Would – would you allow me to heal you?”

Renji ranked a hand through his mane, only to tug at obstinate snarls. “No. An’ anyway, why even bother asking, ya could’ve just gone ahead and done it while I was asleep.” More like passed out.

Byakuya’s eyes closed off. “You didn’t … permit my touch.”

Renji snorted. “Somehow that didn’t stop ya any earlier.”

Byakuya went rigid.

“Seriously, what’s _wrong_ with you?”

The noble flinched.

“ ‘S not like I’d’ve said no. You could’ve just _asked_ dammit, like any normal person would.”

Byakuya kept his gaze on the brown trail. “I’d … understand if you didn’t wish to see me right now any more than is strictly necessary”, he finally said, voice empty.

Renji shook his head. “ ‘M not angry. Not really.” His eyes searched for the other’s, but Byakuya stubbornly refused to meet his, seemingly fascinated with the hands folded in his lap. “Just kinda disappointed, I guess.” That Byakyua apparently still felt threatened or insecure or uneasy or whatever this was about around him after all this time when he had thought that the other had finally begun opening up to him in his own flubbed way.

Renji let out a low exhale.

Yeah, what _was_ this about? Was this about pushing him down, putting him back in place? Because that was somehow what their problems always seemed to burn down to, the fact that Byakuya didn’t have more than an ounce of respect for him, not to mention seeing him as an equal.

Renji watched the uncharacteristically meek noble.

No, even if that was probably part of the package, there was still more to this. This was another glimpse at the real Kuchiki Byakuya. The one that liked a bit of rough play.

And suddenly the other’s refusal to get down to business until now made sense as well. Byakuya’d been hiding this, was probably fucking ashamed of it. Well, not that he couldn’t see how such preferences didn’t exactly go hand in hand with the conservative rigidness and stick-up-the-ass attitude the noble houses had brought to perfection. Hell, even stinkin’ normal sex was probably a taboo topic.

Renji studied Byakuya’s face more closely.

Yeah, that had to be it. And somehow, that put things in a different light. Somehow, he’d always figured that, all in all, Byakuya must’ve had a pretty happy childhood, having grown up all sheltered and pampered as he had. But seemed like he’d had his own demons to fight, probably having gotten convinced, or having convinced himself for that matter, that this, that _he_ , was sick, if the self-loathing on the other’s face was any indication.

So Renji made a decision. 

He scratched his nose. “I ain’t some noble, you know.”

“I did notice that, Renji.”

Looked like Byakuya was beginning to feel better.

“Yeah, so don’t treat me like one.” Byakuya finally lifted his gaze to meet Renji’s, the unspoken question visible in his eyes. “What I’m sayin’ is that we can … if that’s what you’re into.” Byakuya blinked once slowly, before his face became hard, closing himself off.

Renji shrugged. “ ‘M not against this, kinda like the idea, actually. It can feel pretty good.” After a look at Byakuya’s face, he added: “But we’ve gotta make some rules. I ain’t into shit like yesterday.” His voice grew firm. “ ‘No’ still means ‘no’. You gotta accept that.”

“So .. you are saying that … as long as we follow rules … it is ok?” Byakuya looked _shattered_ , that obviously having been the last thing he had expected Renji to say. Clearly, nobody had said ‘yes’ before. And, despite yesterday, gods how much that made Renji wanted to hug the other, crush him to his chest to chase away that unbearably sad, lonely, _vulnerable_ look in the other’s eyes, to just _give the man some love_. Something he obviously hadn’t had a whole lot of until now.

But instead, Renji grinned at him wolfishly, stretching his arms, flexing his muscles, not missing the way slate eyes followed the movement. “Exactly.”

He’d actually also wanted to demand for some respect for his person in general, but had realized that he couldn’t very well ask for that. Respect wasn’t something that was just given; his Inuzuri past had taught him as much. He wanted Byakuya’s respect; he’d have to earn it.

“What are you thinking about?” Byakuya’s voice sounded … alarmed?

“Hmm, one thing I still don’t get though‘s why?”

“Why what?” Definitively alarmed.

Renji snorted. “Ya know exactly what.”

Byakuya lowered his gaze to re-rest in his lap, his whole body tensed up again. “Your shihakusho”, he finally admitted unwillingly.

Renji lifted a brow questioningly. “What about it?”

“It is … not yours.” For some unexplainable reason that fact seemed to be really important. But then Renji understood. Looked like he hadn’t imagined the unusual tightness after all.

“So you’re sayin’ that ya saw me wearing someone else’s clothes and lost it? “ Byakuya gave a small, hesitating nod. Renji breathed in slowly, crossing his arms in front of his chest lest he do something stupid with them. Damn, the other really knew how to pull his punches. “I’m from Rukongai, so I’m a whore?”

It came out more challenging than intended because Byakuya looked up immediately, tone almost pleading. “No, Renji. I didn’t mean ...”

Renji sighed. “ ‘S fine. But seriously, I’ve told ya more than once that I loved you. You think that’s my idea of a joke? No, don’t answer that. Just … how ‘bout some faith?" He unfolded his arms to raise them, the palms of his hands facing towards Byakuya. "Look, I know ya don’t trust, well, anyone, but still, it’s not like I’m tryin’ to trick you here or anythin’.”

“I know that, Renji.”

Renji waited for more, but nothing more came. Of course there didn’t. He made to get up, causing Byakuya to be pulled back to reality from whatever self-destructive place he had drifted off to.

“Where are you going?”

Renji grunted painfully as he shrugged into what were mere remnants of yesterday’s clothes. “We’ve got a squad to lead, remember?”

“Right.”

Byakuya’s voice was calm and composed, but Renji could hear the relief in it. He examined himself critically in the large mirror hanging on the wall next to the slide door leading into the garden, judging if the shihakusho still passed to walk back to his apartment with. It was hopelessly crumbled, torn in several places and decorated with white and red spots that Renji didn’t have too close a look at. Negative, but not like he had that much of a choice.

\--

Byakuya observed the redhead standing in front of the mirror, vastly, though astonishingly set at ease by the fact that Renji genuinely didn’t appear to be angry anymore, at least not on the surface so. He rose to his feet and walked over to the other.

“Let me lend you something”, he offered, reaching out to smooth a wrinkle, trying not to think too hard about what exactly had caused the uniform to be transformed into such a horrifying state. 

He startled when Renji shrieked away from his touch, for unfathomable reasons feeling as though he'd just taken a solid blow to the gut.

\--

Renji shook his head, inwardly cursing his reflexes. “No offense, but no. It’ll do.” Last thing he needed was to accept something from Byakuya right now. Then he’d really feel no different from a hooker.

He looked at Byakuya through the mirror. “I’ll be going then. Meet you back at the sixth?” Not waiting for an answer, he turned towards the door, missing Byakuya’s silent nod and somewhat disturbed look.


	29. Mending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji returns to the sixth and is reminded of a little something he'd forgotten about in face of last night.

It took him about half an hour to return to his apartment (no way he’d parade around the whole division to get to his lieutenant's quarters looking like this), shower, dress in his old, slightly too small uniform and show up at the sixth. It was 7 o’ clock by now, _way_ before the time he usually showed up. Byakuya’s bad habits began to rub off on him.

Nodding to a few passing squad members who threw him insultingly surprised glances, Renji knocked briefly before he entered the office, realizing at that exact moment that he hadn’t actually decided how he wanted to face Byakuya just yet.

Deciding that less was more in this case, he just briefly nodded into Byakuya’s direction before making his way to his desk and slumping down on his chair. Byakuya, for his part, gave Renji a stilted nod on his own before redirecting his gaze on the paper in front of him, though his hand stilled for a moment longer before resuming its writing. No sarcastic comment, not even a cold glare at his lack of respect. The other was still feeling ... something then.

Renji peered at the huge pile of papers on his desk, definitively _not_ shooting covert glances in Byakuya’s direction, as the silence in the small office stretched on uncomfortably. Byakuya could have read that report ten times by now.

Cripes, could this get more awkward?

His question was answered by a silent, tentative knock, followed by a gangly figure carrying a huge stack of paperwork and a nervous smile.

Rikichi. With all the other shit that’d hit the fan, Renji had completely forgotten about what had actually gotten the ball rolling.

But from the look on the other’s face, Rikichi hadn’t forgotten. And had clearly feared for his job, if not his life. The poor guy stared hopefully at Renji’s already overloaded desk, making it a point to avoid the imposing figure sitting on the other end of the room and watching him with sharp, cold eyes.

Renji took pity on him. “Oi, Rikichi, put the papers here.” He gestured towards a mostly empty niche and watched Rikichi almost trip over his own feet hurrying to comply. After having rid himself of his load, the kid bowed awkwardly deep, just to freeze in that position and lift his head to finally dare a glance in the direction where his rigid taichou was still observing him quietly. The moment their eyes met, Rikichi’s drifted back to Renji from where they flinted to Byakuya again. He licked his lips, like he wanted to say something but didn’t quite know how to go about it.

Which was good because Renji wasn’t sure talking would do much for their situation right now, not with Byakuya and him both being part of that conversation.

So before Rikichi could say anything, Renji quickly rambled “Ok, thanks for bringing the documents over Rikichi. I could’ve gone fetch them myself, you know. Don’t know ‘bout you but I could really use a cup of coffee right now. How ‘bout you join me in the break room, as a reward so ta say?“

“S-Sir, you don’t need to go to the break room especially. You’ve got your own coffee brewer in here”, Rikichi stammered, visibly confused by the suggestion, or just generally brain-fried by the whole situation. Seriously, the guy was thicker than a wall of bricks.

“I could”, he said, his grin becoming a tad forceful. “But then I wouldn’t have the chance to chat with you, would I? So, you coming or what?” Not waiting for an answer, he threw his arm around poor, confused Rikichi and marched them out of the office, not without throwing Byakuya, who was watching the whole scene with apparent disinterest, an I-got-this glance.

Once outside the office, Renji steered a weakly resisting Rikichi directly into the break room, hoping that so early in the morning it’d be mostly empty and that they wouldn’t have to worry too much about being overheard. He wasn’t disappointed and in no time, they were sitting opposite one another, each in front of a steaming cup of coffee.

Renji threw Rikichi a measuring look. Though he’d been quick to claim that Rikichi wouldn’t spill the beans about their relationship yesterday, he couldn’t be absolutely sure. And better be safe than sorry.

Rikichi looked positively miserable and jumpy at the same time. When he saw Renji’s probing stare, he stammered, tone pleading “I didn’t tell anyone, and I won't, I swear.” Renji searched the other’s eyes and found nothing but honesty – and allowed himself to relax some.

“Easy, kid. No one’s blaming ya for anything.” Rikichi stared at him, clearly not believing a word. “Seriously, just wanted to check up with you. Make sure ya weren’t havin’ some kinda panic attack or anything.” He smirked as Rikichi’s expression changed to offended.

“I’m not that delicate”, the younger man mumbled. Then he reverted back to his shy self and looked at Renji with big, expectant eyes. “Does that mean that you and the captain … I’d never have dreamed… I mean this is Kuchiki taichou that we’re talking about.” Struggling for the right words, he stared at Renji who just shrugged. No sense in denying at this point.

“Yeah, kinda. Didn’t think it’d happen myself. But …” He fixed Rikichi with his hardest stare “he isn’t ready for people to know.” Big question if he’d ever be. “So yer gonna have to keep things a secret for now. Think you can do that?”

Rikichi nodded mutely, eyes as big as a deer’s, mouth hanging open halfway. “Wow”, he breathed. Renji looked at the slighter man amusedly, grin only widening when the other grew red. He hadn't meant to say that one out loud.

"But you always fight…” Rikichi protested halfheartedly.

“Who’s always fighting with whom?” Two heads snapped up to identify the intruder, looking right into the shit-eating grin of their division’s eighth seat, Sho Katsumi, the very last person Renji wanted to know about Byakuya and him. Not that he was a bad guy, but he just couldn’t keep his trap shut for his life. If he heard news, you could count on most of the Seireitei knowing by the next day.

“The captain and I”, Renji said curtly. The other’s grin only broadened. “Yeah, man, that’s no news. Not like the two of you make much of a secret out of it. Take yesterday, for example.” His tone became a bit more serious. “How’s your knee doing by the way?”

“Fine, thanks for asking.” The other's grin fell a bit. “Damn.” Renji lifted a brow and the grin returned. “Because we've all kind of been hoping that you would be too injured to train us today.” Renji snorted and shook his fist at the other. “Just you wait, I’ll show you lot how well I’m feelin’ already”, he threatened but Sho just backed away laughing, leaving behind a head shaking Renji. He looked at Rikichi who was trying to suppress a smile, not having much success.

“How is it that nobody here respects me?”, Renji grumbled, not really meaning it, but it still caused Rikichi to sober up immediately. “We do respect you, Abarai Fukutaichou! And you are very well liked among the officers.” Then the smile came back. “But you are also wonderful to tease…”

Renji let that one slip, because frankly he was more than a little relieved that the other obviously wasn’t completely shell-shocked by the fact that his two highest-ranking officers were secretly getting it on.

Not that relationships within divisions were flat-out prohibited, but they were generally frowned upon. Because, well, there’d always be people using them to claim favoritism, and then, of course, there were the cases where there really _was_ favoritism taking place. But in their case, Renji really wanted to see the guy telling Kuchiki Byakuya to the face that he was treating Renji better than his other subordinates. Almost everyone would agree that the opposite was the case.

Somehow that revelation depressed Renji more than it cheered him up.

Chugging down the rest of his now-cold coffee, he gave Rikichi a slap on the back, causing the other to reel forward lightly. “Anyway, I need to get going. Try ta knock next time, kiddo”, he shouted over his shoulder, conveniently forgetting that the other hadn’t actually had much of a choice but to be a witness since the door had been left open. By him.

Renji made his way back to the office to fill Byakuya in.

\--

“Well, so Rikichi’s mouth is sealed.” Renji rubbed the back of his head. He was standing in front of Byakuya’s desk, standing at full attention. Which, considering the topic of their conversation, felt more than a little weird, but it helped bridge some of the awkward that currently existed between them.

\--

“Very well.” Byakuya barely glanced up from the report he was reading. Only when Renji didn’t return to his desk immediately as anticipated, he lifted his eyes to examine his second in-command. Renji was wearing that concentrated expression that Byakuya had learned to associate with bad news. But he paid no heed to the now-familiar zipping in his gut.

“Is something the matter?” he queried coolly. Renji continued to stare at him for a long moment before he lowered his head, breaking eye contact. “Nothin’ “, he murmured and turned away, at last returning to his desk and duty, starting on the paperwork Byakuya himself already had over an hour ago.

And this despite having started preparations for the day at the same hour this morning. This morning.

Against usual habits and to his own surprise as well as dismay, Byakuya found himself unable to concentrate very well that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Katsumi' means 'self-controlled'.
> 
> Yes, this is my idea of a joke.
> 
> 'Sho' means 'wind instrument'.
> 
> As you can see, I don't only not posses a sense of humor, but lack brains in general.
> 
> Never been good with names...


	30. About Sake And The Friendship Of Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya and Renji land in an unexpected situation. For better or for worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I went on a holiday and, honestly, I really needed the break from this story.  
> I began writing another, way shorter fic though and may be uploading bits of it here and there when I need more breaks from this monster.  
> For now, enjoy!

For the next few weeks, things were somewhat awkward between them in a slight, subtle way; Renji finding himself reaching out to Byakuya less than usual and the noble generally not being in the habit of approaching Renji much on his own. They worked alongside each other, talked to each other but every time they did there was this invisible, yet painfully tangible wall between them.

So the clumsy was there in heaps when they found themselves opposite one another in one of the more profitable bars in the Seireitei, naturally located near the eleventh. It was past working hours and they were out celebrating Shuhei’s birthday. All of the vice-captain’s friends were present, as well as a few ‘additions’. One of the additions was Shunsui Kyoraku, never a man to pass on a chance to drink sake, another was Byakuya, to his dismay having been present at Renji’s invitation and consequently having received one for himself. Not attending would have been incredibly rude, which was the reason Byakuya had not only showed up but had stayed longer than it took to say his congratulations.

Neither of them deluded himself that this was an arbitrary seating arrangement because, despite the constantly circulating rumors of their fights, or maybe exactly _because_ of them, they were considered to be pretty close. Not many dared to challenge Byakuya openly, and even less managed to tease out such strong reactions from the usually composed and level-headed man. Actually simply the fact that Byakuya had kept Renji by his side for all these years despite his persistent lateness and horrible attitude spoke volumes.

So Renji was basically playing the ‘sacrifice’ to entertain Byakuya tonight, the others present either too chicken for the job or too likely to annoy him into leaving after half an hour. The upside of this arrangement was, though, that they had gotten the seats at the very end of the table, giving them decent privacy, especially since the two unseated officers from the thirteenth next to them were far too busy flirting their eyes and ears off.

Deciding that waiting for Byakuya to break the ice was like waiting for a hollow to see the wrongs of his ways, Renji filled two bowls of sake and handed one to Byakuya who accepted it with a small nod. They rose their bowls to their lips simultaneously, and while Renji emptied his in one go, Byakuya had barely nipped at it before he lowered the bowl again, cradling it in his hands instead. Renji would bet his life that, had they been alone, the other would have made a face.

Renji grinned. “Not as fancy as the stuff you get back at yours, huh?” Byakuya shot him a scathing look and Renji’s grin broadened, especially when Byakuya lowered his head, redirecting his glare to the dish wrapped in his fingers, making hin look a bit like a sulking kid.

“Trick is”, he began “you have to drink it in one go.” Unable to resist, he added “After a few they go down on their own.” Byakuya shoot him another look over the rim of his bowl, disgust mixed with horror.

“Oh, come on”, Renji chided pleasurably. “Not everyone’s loaded, you know. And some guys just wanna have fun, preferably not going completely broke in the process.” Byakuya didn't look convinced.

“Ok, here’s the deal: Whoever’s first to drown ten bowls, wins.”

Byakuya’s lips pursed slightly. “Not interested.” Renji smiled sweetly. “Oh, don’t think you can win?” Byakuya arched an eyebrow at him, signaling Renji he wouldn’t fall for the oldest trick in the book, but the fire that lit up in his eyes told something else.

_Gotcha._

Renji allowed himself a smug grin and turned to his left, reaching for the bottle of sake he had already used to fill their bowls with and, at second thought, grabbed an additional one.

\--

Byakuya didn’t know what had come over him. A drinking contest, a public one at that, wasn’t part of his usual social demeanor. (Though admittedly, he didn’t _have_ much of a social demeanor to begin with. He preferred the peace and quiet that tended to not go too well with big crowds of people) But for some reason here, surrounded by all this … carefree group and, more importantly, Renji, he ceased to care about propriety as strongly as he ought to.

Instead of answering Renji – and admitting defeat – he chose to raise his bowl to his mouth, emptying it in one fluid motion, barely refraining from grimacing at its dreadful taste. He then mutely held the bowl out to Renji to be refilled, ignoring the other’s offensive grin.

Renji took the offered bowl.

\--

Renji’s sake bowl met the table with a loud bang, his fist following soon after. “The hell. What exactly _are_ you?!”

This time it was Byakuya’s turn to allow a satisfied smirk to curl around his lips. “Your captain, the 28th head of the Kuchiki Clan, a more competent drinker than you are?”

Renji’s answer went down in a wave of applause. Ruggedly ripped out of their self-made bubble of seclusion, they quickly realized that all other conversations had died down in favor of watching their merry little drinking contest.

Contrary to Renji though who couldn’t care less about the stares, Byakuya seemed perfectly uncomfortable being the center of attention like that and he immediately began to close himself off, not that anyone besides Renji was likely to notice the change.

Everyone was busy looking at Byakuya with a mixture of jaw-dropping confusion and a whole new kind of respect. The former was a result of Byakuya showing a different side of himself other than the stoic and reserved one, the latter of Renji’s reputation as quite the solid drinker.

Said solid drinker was currently sulking. “Can’t there be ‘t least one thing I’m better at?”, he grumbled, glaring at his bowl accusingly. It earned him a few (sympathetic) grins around the table and a raised eyebrow from Byakuya.

Renji stared at Byakuya defiantly, not impressing the other much though. It served to direct his attention back to Renji though, causing him to loosen up some again, the conversations around them picking up again surely having a hand in it, too.

“Seriously”, Renji muttered “couldn’t you’ve let me have this win?” The eyebrow threatened to disappear into Byakuya’s hairline.

“Never. Apart from that, would winning in such a manner honestly have satisfied you?” Renji knew Byakuya was right and the damn noble knew it as well. He looked awfully smug. So Renji contented himself with cutting the other a grimace and grabbing for his bowl once again.

\--

Byakuya observed his clearly not very sober second-in-command with a shake of his head before grabbing the by now almost empty bottle, waiting for Renji to hold out his bowl. He refilling it without much of his usual elegance, the alcohol he had consumed showing its effects as he noticed with a frown. He glanced around to evaluate the degree of impairment – just to find several dozen faces staring at him utterly stupefied, the only exception being that kid with the ridiculous forehead tattoo and Kyouraku Shunsui who, in turn, threw Byakuya a very crude wink.

Byakuya looked back at Renji, more confused than he was comfortable admitting. And the haze, though not an entirely unpleasant sensation, didn’t aid his thought process.

Renji just shrugged at him before turning to address their very indiscreetly behaving company “Hey, ya got nothin’ better to do than stare at a guy drinking?”

That rid them of the stares, at least of the open ones. Since now there were covert glances cast at them which, he determined, served to irritate him almost more.

His discomfort must have been not as well hidden as he had intended for it to be because all of a sudden he felt something warm close around the fist curled on his knee. It took all of Byakuya’s self-control not to yank his hand away, to not even so much as flinch or glance under the table to verify what he felt: Renji’s fingers laced with his.

Because it had to be Renji's, everything else was unthinkable.

It took him a shameful three seconds to decide that the situation was entirely and utterly unacceptable. And yet, for some reason, his hand continued to stay entangled with a certain redhead’s big one.

This was the first form physical contact they’d shared in weeks and despite better reason Byakuya found himself loath to lose it.

\--

Time flew by and, before he knew it, people around them made to retire. One glance at the moon told Byakuya that he had ended up staying significantly longer than he had planned on.

He wasn’t in the habit of straying from once-made plans. It felt odd. Or rather, it felt like an old, long forgotten corner of himself had been stirred awake and uncurled just a tiny bit.

He found he didn’t dislike it.

\--

Renji couldn’t believe his luck. He was holding hands with Kuchiki Byakuya surrounded by dozens of other people. He hadn’t really put a lot of thought in it when he had reached for the other’s hand, but he sure as hell hadn’t thought Byakuya would actually allow it. Just how drunk was the noble? But then again, ignoring the light pink coloring the top of his ears, the other’s face was as blank and passive as ever.

And then Byakuya winked at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn. I need a beta.


	31. Iron Will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Renji has to make sure his taichou makes it home safe and sound...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the terribly long wait! I had exams, got sick afterwards - twice, and and and. I got a huge load of excuses but nobody wants to hear those. So to the important stuff: I got a new chapter for you guys! :-)  
> Though I have to say I´m not terribly happy with how it turned out and wouldn't have uploaded it for another bit if I hand´t received a couple of really sweet comments from some of you guys. Thanks a lot for that!! You are what keeps me writing:-)
> 
> Ah and I have to confess that I also started shipping Zoro/Sanji from ´One Piece´ and have started some fics for those two as well so I won´t be writing solely for this pairing anymore.  
> Zoro and Sanji also have this really fascinating dynamic that I so love about Byakuya and Renji - just in a different way.

_Renji couldn’t believe his luck. He was holding hands with Kuchiki Byakuya surrounded by dozens of other people. He hadn’t really put a lot of thought in it when he had reached for the other’s hand, but he sure as hell hadn’t thought Byakuya would actually allow it. Just exactly how drunk was the noble? But then again, ignoring the light blush coloring the top of his ears, the other’s face was as blank as ever._

_And then Byakuya winked at him._

And instantly fried the majority of Renji´s brain. The modest remnants screamed at him to get the fuck on his feet and Renji scrambled to oblige.

“Ok, time to go, taichou.”

Byakuya was apparently _completely fucking wasted_. And Renji needed to get him out of here. The last thing he needed was a Byakuya that sobered up in the morning to a vivid memory of a glorious revelation of their relationship. They had barely gotten over their last fight, no need for another one. Seriously, it seemed fighting had been all they had done lately. A small, creeping voice in his head wondered if, were their relationship to be exposed, Byakuya would stand by it. Renji choked it off.

Either way, Byakuya needed to leave. Now. But of course things didn´t go as smooth as that. They never really did, did they? He had underestimated the force that was one drunken Kuchii Byakuya.

As if a flip had been switched, Byakuya’s expression changed from relaxed and playful to contemptuous and arrogant and he sneered, voice cold and dangerously close to shouting “This is, I do believe, a decision solely to be made by me”. If he held his nose any higher it’d smash into the ceiling.

So Byakuya was one of _those_ drunks.

But now at least Renji treaded on familiar ground. Dealing with aggressive drunkards was something he knew how to, he´d had his fair share of that.

Renji raised his hands into a conciliatory gesture, ignored the other´s obvious attempt to goad him into a fight and lined himself up next to Byakuya who´d conveniently already stood up during his outburst. ”Believe me, taichou. You want to go now. At the latest tomorrow. Then you´ll know that now is a damn good time to go. But tomorrow´ll be too late so you´ll have to trust me on this one.” He met cold gray orbs with a leveled gaze, not yielding to their intensity but not rising to their challenge either.

It didn´t take a genius to tell he´d lost Byakuya somewhere in the middle. Renji vowed to never let the other drink so much again.

Taking advantage of the noble´s confusion, Renji slid closer, inconspicuously steadying Byakuya who had started swaying ever so slightly while getting a better view at the other end of the table, and scanned the crowd. Having found his target, he shouted “Oi, birthday boy, we’re leaving. Thanks for the invitation.” Shuhei smiled and waved at them. “Thanks for coming Abarai ... Kuchiki-taichou.”

With that Renji steered Byakuya out of the pub and onto his way home before the other had a chance to protest, but not without a last glance back to check if someone had sensed something was off with Byakuya, satisfied that that didn´t seem to be the case. Once on the bouldering, Renji lucked out and Byakuya mechanically started walking towards his mansion. So Renji just fell into step behind him, keeping near in case the other suddenly collapsed.

This way, they walked along the deserted streets of Seireitei. It was past twelve pm by now and the moon had risen high into the sky. They didn’t talk anymore, in fact Byakuya was doing a pretty darn good job at ignoring Renji and Renji in return let his thoughts wander, simply enjoying the soft glow of the moonlight and the gentle feel of a nightly breeze caressing his flushed face. Though he wasn’t as wasted as Byakuya was, he did have his fair share of booze tonight and thoughts of morning shifts and sunlight made him cringe.

But really, what had ridden Byakuya tonight? Did he hate losing to Renji so much that he’d rather publicly drink himself into a stupor than backing down from a little challenge? Renji didn’t know if to be flattered or ... worried. It really wasn´t like Byakuya to be so careless.

They reached the point where their ways home separated and Renji hesitated. Should he accompany the other all the way back to the estate? Reni felt about ready to fall asleep on his feet and the other hadn’t stumbled again since they left the bar. But then again he did seemed pretty out of it. He still hadn’t shown any kind of reaction to Renji’s presence, Renji wasn’t even sure the other knew he was still there.

That was the moment Byakuya chose to speak up. He glanced over his shoulder briefly while continuing to walk. “What was that?” Having no choice but to follow if he didn’t just want to leave the man out in the rain, Renji followed Byakuya onto the route leading to the Kuchiki estate.

“What do you mean, sir?” Gut feeling told him formal was the way to go.

“In the bar,” Byakuya quipped.

Renji took a deep breath. “I thought it best we leave.”

“I can handle myself just fine, Renji.”

Another deep breath. He was getting better at this. “I know you can, taichou”, he said, almost friendly.

Clearly this had not been the reaction the other had expected and Renji was satisfied that it take the wind out of Byakuya´s sails. After another look over his shoulder, the noble faced forward and they covered the rest of the way in silence.

\--

´Okay, so if ya don´t need me anymore, I guess I´ll be going.´ Renji had already turned halfway around while speaking when he saw Byakuya´s eyes change somewhat at his words. They were pitch black and diluted and Byakuya took a small step towards him, keeping his eyes pinned on Renji. Then he took another step forward and Renji got the creeping feeling of a mouse staring into the face of a snake about to devour it.

´I can think of a way ... you could still prove useful.´ Renji didn´t like that tone the other was using. Really didn´t like it. Seemed like Byakuya had taken his words a bit different from how he had meant them. Crap.

Well, not that he wasn´t all for sex with Byakuya - normally. But jumping the man while he was drunk was kinda ... bad. Even if he wasn´t actually doing the jumping but was the one getting jumped at. That their first time had been with Byakuya all riled up and that it hadn´t exactly turned out well didn´t exactly speak for taking another chance with riled Byakuya either.

Byakuya started stroking his stomach.

´I could find some use for you - in my bed´, he purred, voice velvet, and Renji felt more of his good logic pop with every stroke of those evil hands. Byakuya looked up at him as he pressed himself closer, face flushed, eyes swimming with unconcealed lust.

One of Byakuya´s hands cupped the cloth covering the growing bulge that was Renji´s crotch and squeezed and Renji snapped out of it. He curled his fingers around Byakuya´s wrist, placed the other hand on his shoulder and gently but decisively pushed the noble away.

´No,´ he said, glad his voice sounded a lot more resolute than currently he felt.

Byakuya drew his brows together. ´...No?´ He seemed to test the word on the tip of his tongue, rolling it around, before letting it fall from his lips, clearly not having expected the refuse. Renji grimaced. He could see how someone like Byakuya wouldn´t be used to being denied what he wanted.

Already small lips thinned some more, falling at the corners, before slowly a bottom lip was stuck out just that little bit.

Byakuya was _pouting_.

Grinding out a choked ´Sorry´, Renji turned around and bolted.


	32. One Step At A Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji gets a surprise visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the tone in this chapter and the last one is a bit off. I´ve been away from the story and the pairing for quite a while. So pointing out what sounds weird is very much appreciated, especially since I plan to make Byakuya open up more quickly from here on. Hope it won´t feel rushed this way, if it does, again, feel free to tell me :-)

It was official: Kuchiki Byakuya, the embodiment of punctuality and diligence had overslept. It was as funny as it was scary. Renji didn´t want to know what kind of hangover could keep that man away from the office. Fucking workaholic.

It took a solid two hours into morning shift for Byakuya to make an appearance, wearing his shihakusho that little bit rumpled and the under-eye circles of the century. Instead of sweeping past Renji´s desk to his own though, he hovered at the doorstep, looking one step away from shifting from one foot to the other. One could call it _fidgeting_. (If it was anyone else, of course.)

Then the uneasiness gave way to determination. He raised his head to look Renji square in the eyes. ´I apologize for my ... unseemly behavior last night.´ There was a pause before Byakuya gave himself another visible push. ´ ... Thank you. For the way you handled ... everything.´

For dragging him home before he had a chance to embarrass himself beyond repair? For not jumping his drunken ass? Really, the man couldn´t even muster a proper apology. But apologizing in itself was a whole new development so Renji wouldn´t be one to nag about details. He flashed Byakuya a bright and, as he hoped, approving smile. ´You´re welcome.´

He didn´t miss how Byakuya´s breath caught slightly or the way his eyes hung on his lips that moment longer than necessary and he turned away to hide his smirk.

He knew damn well that the man himself wasn´t in the clear about his feelings for Renji just yet (and, really, after three years?) but that didn´t mean it wasn´t fun to tease him about it. He liked to think that it meant something that the other had stayed with him for years, hadn´t chased him away after all this time and, the obvious one, was having sex with him. They were still working on that one but there definitively was sex in the equation that was their relationship. Byakuya wasn´t the kind to keep dead weight around. Byakuya might not love him yet but, what they had, that was something special, not just to him but to Byakuya as well.

Byakuya nodded once, obviously considering the case closed and made his way to his desk. Renji saw him scowling at the huge stacks of paper piling up on it when he thought Renji wouldn´t see and he smirked again. He´d had his own share of mixing work and hangovers and, nope, bad combination. Not a fun experience.

After the third repressed little sigh from across the room Renji got up, abandoning work in favor of making Byakuya one of his awesome anti-hangover mixtures and handed it to Byakuya with a ´don´t ask what´s in there, you don´t even wanna know´. (He can´t help but feel impressed when Byakuya drinks it.)

Things transformed into a peaceful and productive day after that.

\--

Renji perked up his ears. There it was again. A single, sharp knock on his apartment´s front door. Renji leaped up from where he´d settled on the couch with a cup of green tea and the newest edition of ´Seireitei´s women association´s monthly ed.´ (yes, he liked the stuff, girly or not, sue him) and sprinted for the door. Who the hell visited at eleven-thirty in the evening on a workday? Scratch that, who the hell came to his apartment?

It wasn´t like Renji had specifically told anyone they couldn´t but that didn´t mean they hadn´t noticed he as good as never invited them here while he was quick to offer his division quarters to crash in or crowd. Renji didn´t come here often but when he did he wanted to be left alone.

Which had been the case yesterday. It had been a peaceful night, only him, his hand and a huge pile of sexual frustration.

Rukia was an exception to this, of course, and so was Ichigo. As if that strawberry cared about petty little things like privacy (ok, to be fair the guy _did_ get his room invaded by supernatural creatures at all possible and impossible times. And Renji himself might have been responsible for a few of those).

Renji dropped the chain locking the front door and his jaw right with it when he saw who was standing there. Hovering on his porch and looking hugely out of place was none other than Byakuya, clad in only a deep green silk kimono with a white swan pattern on it. Renji stared and swallowed. Swallowed again.

He might have to add another person to his ´welcome-to-the-apartment´ list.

Then Byakuya cleared his throat. ´In case I´m intruding, I will leave.´ The insecurity ringing through the statement shook Renji out of his stupor.

´No, no you´re not. You´re welcome. Very welcome.´ He rubbed his suddenly sweaty hands on the white kimono with a rose flower pattern he had a habit of wearing in his free time and, actively choosing not think about how the piece of clothing had to look to Byakuya, stepped aside to beckon the noble in. Thank god for the cleaning he´d done the night before. 

Byakuya had been over a couple of times in the course of their relationship but it still made Renji feel nervous as hell. This place was _his_ in a way the division quarters weren´t and it made things feel so much more intimate.

´Come in?´ It came out more question than invitation but Byakuya took him up on it anyway and once inside, they looked at each other awkwardly, the silence stretching.

´Uh, you want something to drink?´ Byakuya just stood there, arms hanging at his sides, fingers twitching like he was suppressing the urge to ball them into fists - or to hit someone. At Renji´s question, he closed his eyes for a moment before whispering ´Yes, please.´

´Please´, huh. Ok, Byakuya _was_ behaving strangely. Well, figured he´d have _some_ reason to show up unannounced at such an hour. Renji had pegged Byakuya as the type to rise early and go to bed early.

´Tea or something stronger?´ The man must still have some of that hangover left but he looked like he could really use another drink. And Byakuya looked more than a little tempted before going with the tea.

Renji steered Byakuya into his living room and gestured in direction of the couch before disappearing into the kitchen. By the time he came back, Byakuya had settled himself on the couch, already calmed considerably, and he even managed a small smile when Renji handed him a cup of Gyokuro green tea, one of Byakuya´s favorite brands, which totally had not been the reason Renji´d bought it. Renji slumped down next to him while Byakuya took a sip of the brew, humming appreciatively, making Renji´s heart do funny things.

´So, rough evening?´ Renji didn´t want to pry but he _was_ curious. Curious about what upset Byakuya enough to bolt to Renji´s apartment because this was what this was about, that much he´d caught on. Not that he minded, not in the least. Any excuse to have Byakuya near him was a good one and he tried not to sound too thrilled. By the quirked eyebrow he failed. Renji grinned guiltily but kept silent. 

Byakuya sighed. He _had_ showed up at Renji´s apartment without invitation or prior notice even. He supposed the least he could do was offer an explanation for his behavior. ´My family´, he admitted unwillingly. ´ They have, once again, felt the need to remind me of the urgency for an heir over dinner.´ The hand that didn´t hold the tea tightened its grip where it lay on the armrest. ´Of course they didn´t neglect to mention my own incompetence in providing so and my late wive´s ...´ His voice cracked and he clenched his teeth in an effort to control the renewed wave of anger rolling over him, threatening to overwhelm, and he closed his eyes briefly before willing them open again, giving Renji a small, (only slightly forced) smile. ´Thus I have chosen to escape. I´ve excused myself to the restroom.´

There were so many things Renji wanted to say to that. What came out was ´ I bet they´re fucking fuming by now.´ Byakuya´s smile grew more genuine ´I bet they are´ and Renji laughed. Some of Byakuya´s tension drained and he allowed himself to relax back into the couch.

That´s when Byakuya´s stomach let loose a loud grumble. Renji chuckled as Byakuya turned a lovely shade of pink. He raised a finger to stroke over one heated cheek, causing long eyelashes to flutter. Gods, he´d missed this. ´Good to know you´re human, too, ´ he joked.

Byakuya glared at him but knew the crimson of his face did not work in his favor. Renji was smirking at him now. Apparently seeing Renji had not only dissolved the brunt of his anger but his loss of appetite as well.

´Want me to whip something up? It´ll be pretty simple, though.´ Taking a second rumble as answer, Renji leaned forward to place a quick peck on Byakuya´s nose before turning towards the kitchen, only to stop again. ´On second thought, I did promise you cooking lessons, didn´t I?´ He wiggled his eyebrows at Byakuya. ´You still up for that?´

Byakuya was stunned into silence before he stood up gracefully, brushed off some nonexistent specks of dust and stepped up next to Renji. ´Of course´, he said haughtily. Renji didn´t even bother to smother his laugh.

In the end Renji decided to go with yakisoba ¬- it tasted really good while still being fairly easy to make. Which didn´t stop Byakuya from alternatively throwing malicious glares at the clumpy mess of soba noodles he´d produced and accusatory ones at the pan and it had Renji chewing desperately at the corner of is mouth. Byakuya took it with a wintry smile, which changed to half-annoyed, half-amused when Renji cooed at him.

Other than that, Byakuya did surprisingly well for someone who could probably count the times he´d stepped foot into a kitchen on one hand and Renji was almost a little disappointed. Byakuya in return, had regained his more-than-a-little smug smile by the time they´d gotten rid of all evidence of their nightly cooking (Byakuya standing at the sink scrubbing at dirty dishes not something Renji thought he´d see. Ever). Soon enough, they were back on their way into the living room and Renji oh-so-casually dropped that Byakuya was welcome to stay the night.

Figured that was all it took for tension to flood the room and for Byakuya snap his mouth shut mid-sentence. So Byakuya´s sex drive had bled out together with his drunkenness. Way to boost a man´s confidence.

Renji ignored Byakuya´s impressive impression of statue and wrapped an arm around the man´s waist to draw him closer. He buried his nose in raven hair and murmured ´It´ll be different this time´.

Renji counted one hundred and twenty-three when he felt Byakuya nod into the crook of his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Top-grade Gyokuro tea is said to bring a relaxed atmosphere and have a sweet and mellow flavor and noble aroma.
> 
> Never tried it myself.


	33. Flaming Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji gets some.

It was seriously cute how bashful Byakuya looked once inside the walls of Renji´s bedroom. Now Renji was damn grateful for his penchant for super-sized futons (he hated the normal-sized ones where his feet hung over the edge), they´d comfortably both fit in it.

Not that sleeping had top priority right now.

Byakuya was apparently waiting for a sign from him, some kind of green light so Renji shrugged out of his yukata, letting it drop to the floor unceremoniously before stepping up and into Byakuya´s personal space. He grabbed the sash of a silk yukata that had probably cost more than Renji´s whole interior and made quick work of untying it (resisting the urge to just rip the damn thing). All the while, Byakuya stood there, playing rock.

When the yukata slid from his shoulders to pool at his feet and Byakuya still did - nothing really, Renji huffed. ´Touch allowed, you know? Kind of the point of this. I won´t break.´ He punctuated his statement by lifting one of Byakuya´s hands and placing it over his heart.

He wouldn´t mind letting his hands roam all over the bodily perfection splayed out so invitingly before him if there wasn´t still that whole no-touching thing going on. At least he was pretty sure that was still on and hey, better safe than sorry. So getting Byakuya to touch _him_ was the way to go.

Byakuya´s hand ghosted over his chest, tentatively - a careful, measured touch - and, nah, that wouldn´t do. Renji took his hand again, this time placing it on his butt. Then he leaned forward to murmur into Byakuya´s ear. ´If you´re not gonna do me, I´m doing _you_.´

That did the trick. The hand on his butt tightened, squeezing hard, and Byakuya´s other hand came up to fist into his hair, tilting his head downwards to crush their lips together in a bruising kiss. Renji groaned, hands grabbing at Byakuya´s shoulders to keep them off the man in his naked glory. _That_ was more like it.

Byakuya hummed into his mouth and deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue against Renji´s lips and slipping it into Renji´s mouth when he opened up with a moan. Byakuya tasted like green tea and musk and Renji groaned as he chased after the taste, practically ravishing Byakuya´s mouth, earning him a soft gasp, more like a breathy exhale.

Then, Byakuya pulled back and pushed at Renji´s chest.

Renji hadn´t even realized his hands had started to wander.

Byakuya pushed at him again, this time shoving him in direction of the bed and Renji relented all too willingly, slumping down onto the futon with a heavy thud when the back of his calves hit the bed before waiting for Byakuya to join him. He didn´t have to wait long.

\--

Byakuya took a moment to take in the sight of the man sprawled out before him so completely and without the slightest trace of self-consciousness before sinking down onto the futon gracefully, once more mending his lips to Renji´s. Renji pressed up into the kiss eagerly and little sloppily, sighing happily.

Byakuya allowed his arms to wander over smooth, tan skin and black lines, appreciating the taunt muscles on Renji´s arms, his shoulders, his chest, squeezing at nipples before twisting them, making Renji squirm, already moaning rather freely. Byakuya bent down to lick at a perked bud, teeth tugging non-too-gently and Renji arched off the futon with a mixture between a moan and a snarl. Byakuya hid a smirk against the other´s - quite prominent, he couldn´t help but notice - pectorals. He continued the trail of his tongue, following a pattern of tattoos he had long since committed to memory, while his hands had taken to stroking the soft flesh at the inner of Renji´s thighs.

\--

Renji reached for himself because he _needed some friction_ but Byakuya batted his hand away. Renji grunted and grabbed for Byakuya´s ass instead, trying to draw him closer while thrusting his hips upwards. This time Byakuya hissed and next he knew he was slammed back onto the mattress with both his hands fixed above his head, leaving Renji only to pant and thrash. All while that cunning mouth never stopped doing sinful things to his chest and stomach.

´C´mon. Touch. Do it.´ Renji distantly heard himself babble and he seemed to have done something right because Byakuya released Renji´s hands with one last squeeze in favor of - finally - dropping a hand between Renji´s legs, stroking teasingly over his hole.

Renji clawed at the sheets, arms shaking with the effort of keeping them still, and when the hand withdrew as quickly as it had appeared, Renji _whined_. Byakuya softly batted at him. ´Do you have ... something?´ It took Renji embarrassingly long to get what Byakuya was talking about.

Seemed like Byakuya had done his homework.

´Bottom drawer´, he panted out, gesturing to the small table next to the futon, groaning appreciatively when Byakuya´s hand on his hole returned, this time slick with oil.

He´d bought this bottle of lube because the scent had reminded him of Byakuya. Needless to say, it´d been more expensive than anything that small had a right to be. Also needless to say, the scent turned him on like crazy.

His voice became guttural when Byakuya slipped two fingers inside, scissoring them, spreading him open. 

´Go on, get on with it.´ Byakuya hesitated. ´It´s fine´, Renji ground out, voice dangerously close to another whine. He wanted Byakuya, wanted to feel him inside, _needed_ to. _Now_.

He almost sobbed with relief when Byakuya nodded and drew his fingers back, replacing them with himself in one long thrust. When he made to pause to let Renji adjust though, Renji was having none of it. He pushed upward, hooking his legs around Byakuya´s hips, and _pulled_.

Thankfully, Byakuya seemed to get the picture and he began to thrust into Renji, pace hard and fast, a reflexion of the man´s efficiency. It was almost punishing and it was fucking delicious.

The pain just spurred Renji on even more and when Byakuya grabbed one leg and bent it upwards, changing the angle slightly and hitting his prostate dead-on, Renji _keened_. Byakuya kept nailing the same spot again and again after that and Renji was lost. He whined and begged and growled and when Byakuya scraped his nails across his chest and over a nipple, he was done in, coming - cook not touched even once - with a howl and long streaks all over his chest.

Byakuya continued to slam into him and right when his over-sensitized skin was beginning to feel a bit _too_ raw for comfort, Byakuya made a low growling sound at the back of his throat and leaned forward to bite down on the juncture between his neck and shoulder. Renji was beginning to sense a pattern right there.

They stayed like that for a couple of seconds with Byakuya panting softly into his ear before he slid out and looked Renji over with a sharp, measuring gaze. Apparently having found whatever he had been looking for, he rolled off to the far edge of the futon with his back facing Renji.

Talk about killing the after-glow.

Well, Renji supposed he could have left all together, as he´d in fact done all the times before. So, progress right there. But still, seemed like he´d have to coach Byakuya a bit in the art of cuddles, being quite the cuddler himself (It´d been the shock of every past lover. Nobody´d told them to judge people based on looks).

Ignoring that the other´s posture wasn´t exactly inviting physical closeness, Renji scooted closer until he could comfortably throw an arm around the smaller man´s tense form, paying close attention to any reaction. As expected, the stiffness went up another few levels but Renji left his arm where it was anyway.

He´d almost drifted off to sleep by the time he felt the other relax somewhat, tension draining slowly. Renji mumbled approvingly, tightened his grip - this felt so right - and drifted off for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I sit in front of my laptop and read through self-written porn I ask myself what the hell I am doing with my life.


	34. Growth and Development

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panic and fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was edited cause I hadn´t really gotten Byakuya right. Well, I was essentially poking fun at him, though I held myself back immensely already. I think I´ve managed to take most of it out now, though. Sorry for any remaining silliness.

Byakuya was feeling warm. Uncomfortably hot, in fact and he could not stand it. Had his attendant failed to air the room as he had been instructed to do? And did his bed feel harder than usual? Resigning himself to the fate of having to rise and open the window himself, Byakuya cast open his eyes - only to find himself very much not in his own chamber.

He caught a soft noise beside him and turned his head towards it and - oh. Right. He´d fled to Renji´s apartment last night. This night, he corrected himself after a quick assessment of the pitch-black room. And it would be shameful if not for how outraged the elders were sure to be by the little deception. Byakuya felt a laugh build in his chest and he killed it off.

Then he was extracted from his thoughts rather crudely by a muscular - and incredibly hot - arm that slung itself around his middle. Renji snuffled contently. Well, that cleared the question of why he´d woken. The redhead was a furnace.

And Byakuya was most certainly not panicking. He just urgently felt the need to use the bathroom, that was all. It did not explain, though, why he could not bring himself to vacate it again, after thoroughly having rid himself of any stickiness remaining from previous ... activities, he should say. So maybe he was indeed panicking, as unseemly as that was.

He hadn´t let anything unnecessary slip in his sleep, had he? Byakuya let his mind wander to earlier that night. To the way Renji had curled into him after and had fallen asleep at a speed Byakuya could only envy. He himself had required significantly longer, if that was due to the position he had found himself in or if it was simply his nature, Byakuya couldn´t tell.

He willed himself to exit the small restroom and walk back to where his host lay dead to the world, blissfully oblivious to his guest´s nightly roaming. While he´d been absent, Renji had completely taken over the spot he´d claimed before, unconsciously having sought out the lost warmth.

In no way would he climb in there again. The mere _thought_ of Renji all over him, clinging to him like that again had his stomach ache.

First things first. Byakuya sought out his discarded yukata, frowning at its crumbled state before slipping it on and tying it closed. Feeling tremendously better and more in control of the situation, he neared the bed again, eyeing its sole occupant.

He had been mildly disgusted to slide on clothing he´d worn already, in no way was he about to leave in the same clothing he´d arrived in. Simply leaving was thus not an option either.

So Byakuya did the most sensible thing: he circled the bed and slipped in at the opposite side he´d left it.

It took even longer to fall into slumber this time and when he did, it was of a light, fitful kind and he woke again mere hours later, Renji still sound asleep when he did, thankfully mostly having remained on one - previously Byakuya´s - side of the bed.

Byakuya determined that now was a perfectly acceptable time to subtly help Renji rise from sleep and start living. Unfortunately, Renji seemed to be one of those sleeping deads. However much he rustled, tossed and turned and made little clicking noises at the back of throat (that he would deny under torture), Renji only shuffled dangerously closer. He contemplated using force but one look at Renji´s relaxed, peaceful sleeping face and that seemed ... bad. Instead, Byakuya stood up and retrieved a book from the shelf in the living room he remembered from previous visits, hoping Renji wouldn´t mind, and settled in for the wait.

After a considerable amount of time had passed - Byakuya had already begun considering violence again, he _had_ to take a detour to the mansion before division duty - Renji began to stir.

\--

Something was missing and Renji couldn´t exactly pinpoint what. He forced his eyes open and then closed them again. But when he opened them a second time, Byakuya was still there. Observing the man lying on the bed beside him with a book in his long, slender fingers that Renji recognized as one of his own, the previous night slowly came back to him.

Ah, so that was it.

But that didn´t explain the slightly annoyed air that surrounded the other man and the frown that had settled on his forehead. He hadn´t done anything in his sleep, had he? He knew he tended to get on the clingy side but nothing his former lovers hadn´t been able to handle. Then he saw that Byakuya wasn´t nearly as naked as he´d been the night before and didn´t look nearly as disheveled. What a shame, it had been a damn good look on him.

Byakuya had noticed him staring and raised an eyebrow. ´You have the sleeping behavior of a bed-hogging zombie.´

Renji grinned and settled back into the bed comfortably. ´Mornin´ to you, too.´ The brow climbed higher. ´Good morning. Though it won´t stay morning for much longer if you intend to fall asleep again.´

One look told Renji it wasn´t even six. What a fucking morning person. But he still obligingly labored himself into a sitting position and leaned over, pressing a good-morning kiss on Byakuya´s lips.

The corners of said man´s mouth pulled down slightly. ´Sorry. Morning breath, huh?´ Then Renji changed his mind and he leaned forward again. This time Byakuya _did_ pull a face and Renji laughed silently. ´Get used to it?´

Byakuya stared at him, apparently at a loss for words. He opened his mouth but closed it again. Then he shook his head slightly and said ´I need some clothing.´ When Renji just looked at him he added ´I will not be seen walking around in the same clothes twice.´

Renji was tempted to point out that he´d only flash step to the mansion anyway which would take him all of five seconds but then let it be. Because, honestly? The thought of Byakuya wearing his clothes made some serious blood shoot south.

But Renji didn´t own many clothes. It was mostly just his uniform and a couple old ones that he´d grown out of but couldn´t bring himself to throw away just yet. Then there was the pink patterned yukata he´d worn yesterday and so couldn´t exactly hand to Byakuya. So in the end he held up a human world shirt and trouser which Ichigo had dumped here last time he´d been over, explaining it was too much of a hassle to change worlds every time he needed to change clothes. They both were about the same size so it´d do.

Byakuya took it, eyebrows threatening to disappear into his hairline. ´´S for when Ichigo´s stayin´ here in the Seireitei. The guy tears through clothes like other people through scrunchies.´ Like him, for example. When the eyebrows didn´t descend, he added ´You can start leaving clothes here, too.´

He was starting to get the feeling that this wasn´t so much about Ichigo leaving clothes as about Ichigo _leaving clothes at Renji´s apartment_ when instead of rolling his eyes as Renji had intended him to do, Byakuya looked like he was seriously considering the idea.

Holy shit, he was totally jealous. And there was no way to stop the grin that was creeping up on his face and he stepped closer to Byakuya. ´Don´t worry, he´s not staying here. ´S just his clothes.´

Byakuya did a fantastic job of pretending this whole thing didn´t concern him at all but Renji didn´t miss the slight relaxing of tension in his shoulder area. He chuckled and resisted the sudden urge to kiss the other man stupid when Byakuya turned a light pink.

\--

It didn´t stop his yaw from dropping when Byakuya really _did_ start to bring clothes.

Also, from then on, Byakuya made a habit out of showing up at Renji´s apartment from time to time, when he was tired of dealing with the world, his family or both and Renji enjoyed and began to look forward to those peaceful evenings filled with friendly banter, more cooking lessons and lots of steamy sex (Byakuya, he discovered, was quite a _passionate_ lover once he´d gotten over himself some. And Renji loved it). In return, Renji spent more and more time at the apartment instead of the division quarters and instead of having to get up every time to answer the door, he simply handed Byakuya a copy of the key (Byakuya´s reaction - blushing like mad and gaping in silent shock - had totally made his day).

So before Renji knew it, it was his birthday. He had never really gone out of his way to tell anyone. Rukia knew, obviously, and Ikkaku and Yumichika as well (not much you could hide from someone you drink with on a regular basis, or at least used to) but all in all he´d expected it to go like every other day so he was completely taken off guard when Byakuya pushed a gift into his hands and invited him over to the mansion for dinner with an amount of awkward only he was able to produce at such a simple act.


	35. It Takes Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of food for Renji and a revelation for Byakuya.

And that was how he found himself in a relatively meek dining room in front of a huge pile of mouth-watering food and digging in like there was no tomorrow. Byakuya himself sat in front of a modest serving, watching him with one of his so-small-it-was-barely-there smiles.

Between stuffing his face and stealing covert glances at silently happy Byakuya (hey, gotta cherish the rare things), Renji managed to take in his surroundings. The paper walls of the room were painted with pastel colored drawings of crudely shaped warriors battling with swords amidst loads of cherry trees, hayfields and flowers and the slide door leading to the outside had been left open, revealing a stunning view on the garden Renji was already familiar with. So this room had to be relatively next to Byakuya´s bedroom. It was dark by now but light wasn´t a problem because on the wooden porch connecting room to garden, there were lit black lanterns which cast the room in warm, gentle light. It made the wall paintings become alive and it made Byakuya´s lashes look that much longer than they already were and made the man´s skin glow seductively and nope, not going down that road.

It was actually kind of tradition between Rukia and him to go out drinking on the eve of his birthday but this time he´d made it lunch instead. Not like he´d miss out on an invitation from Byakuya if he could help it, not even for Rukia. When he´d pushed their celebration forward though, Rukia´d gotten that weird look on her face and now she was definitively suspecting something. He´d _never_ moved their celebration before. But Renji couldn´t say he had any regrets, not when Byakuya had apparently gone out of his way to find out when his birthday was. Because he sure as hell hadn´t known last year. And he´d gotten him a _gift_.

So after shoveling as much food into himself as he could keep with him and after the table had been cleared of mostly empty plates and bowls (the servant had thrown him an impressed look before quickly excusing himself), he eyed the still artfully wrapped package Byakuya had handed him this morning.

Upon Byakuya´s questioning gaze as to why he´d not just opened it already but had brought it with him to the mansion, he´d shrugged. It had felt wrong to open it alone.

So that´s what he did now.

And he mentally kicked himself for it.

Inside the silk packaging, there was a mostly ivory-colored yukata with salmon accentuations to create the illusion of flowers. Around the middle and along both legs wound themselves the shape of three ridiculously detailed black dragons.

The yukata was a masterpiece even to Renji´s untrained eye and he immediately hated it.

Byakuya had quietly observed him open the present and unfold it. ´You don´t like it´, he stated. It wasn´t a question.

´Uh, no, it´s ...´ Renji searched for something that wouldn´t be a lie but wouldn´t make him sound like a completely ungrateful bastard. ´It´s very you. It´s a sweet thought.´ There.

From the looks of it, Byakuya wasn´t fooled one bit, though and Renji felt horrible, he really did. He didn´t get it himself, how he could feel such antipathy for a fucking piece of cloth.

Except, he kind of did. It wasn´t so much the yukata itself - obviously, it was what it stood for. The yukata was exquisite, not just the fabric but the workmanship as well. It was one of a kind, tasteful and classy, a true treasure. It was everything Byakuya was and he was not.

He dropped the thing onto the table and turned towards Byakuya. The other man´s face gave nothing away and he let himself be drawn in for a kiss, but Renji could see the hurt.

´I´m sorry.´ Byakuya closed his eyes. ´It is not your fault, Renji.´ Renji smiled a bit and cupped the other´s face, thumbs stroking gently over his cheeks. ´I know. I still am, though,´ and Byakuya snorted lightly. He then separated himself from Renji to scoop up the abandoned yukata, apparently planning to get rid of it.

´Hey, what you think you´re doing?´ Byakuya looked at him, confusion written all over his face. ´I thought you didn´t like it?´ Renji quickly plucked the piece of clothing from Byakuya´s hands and crossed his arms over it protectively.

´Never said I didn´t want it, though.´ Byakuya just stared at him, obviously not getting the difference at all and Renji grinned at him, jerking his head towards the yukata. ´Thanks.´

Though clearly still lost, some of the tense straightness of his back unwound and, mildly appeased, Byakuya gave him a small smile. ´You´re welcome.´

Renji had never been so glad to be interrupted than when a servant started carrying in dessert for approximately five people. Looking at the variety of ornate little cakes and pies, different kinds of mochi, dorayaki an uiro and other stuff he didn´t even recognize but that didn´t look any less delicious because of it, he determined that, yeah, he definitively still had room for dessert.

\--

Byakuya didn´t understand himself. How could he ever have believed that buying Renji a luxury good would please him? He should have known better than that.

Only that he had not thought that far ahead. It had been an impulsive purchase entirely, he´d set sight on the piece of clothing and had thought it to look really good on Renji.

He still thought so.

He examined the man sitting opposite him and currently shoving sickeningly sweet treat after treat into his mouth, apparently set on finishing every last dessert on the table and managing to look both utterly ungraceful and oddly appealing in the process.

Renji. The name and the man attached to it did peculiar things to Byakuya. And while not entirely unfamiliar, they _were_ quite unusual to him. Though, again, it would be a lie to say he felt entirely uncomfortable with them.

What a long way they´d come. Not terribly long ago he´d have been deeply affronted by the mere idea of dining with his lieutenant, in his private chambers at that. Now it seemed like a perfectly natural thing to do.

He studied Renji more closely and gave in to the impulse to lean closer and brush off a crumb of pie crust that had found its way onto Renji´s cheek. Renji looked at him slightly startled, blushed endearingly before stammering his thanks and continuing his fervent assault on the rapidly decreasing amount of sticky sweetness.

Honest and straightforward Renji.

\--

Renji moaned at the delicious in his mouth. He would swear an oath he´d never tasted anything this good and he was not about to let any of it go to waste.

The concentrated stares and the weird expressions Byakuya was giving him got harder and harder to ignore, though.

´What? I got something stuck on my face again?´ Byakuya was looking at him with a gleam in his eyes Renji couldn´t place if he tried to and then he opened his mouth and said.

´I might be in love with you.´

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn´t see that coming, did you? (You probably did.)
> 
> Mochi: Made from pounded sticky rice and is crunchy on the outside and hot and gooey on the inside.  
> Dorayaki: Two small, round pancakes with sweet bean paste inside.  
> Uiro: Chewy, sweet steam cake made of rice, flour and sugar.  
> I have obviously never eaten a real Japanese dessert. Haven´t tried any of the above mentioned myself safe for the Mochi and that was a packaged one. Which tasted horrible. I just imagined the real thing would taste a whole lot better.
> 
> In case my description of the yukata really was as bad as I thought: http://www.zerochan.net/1210773  
> I considered going with the mainstream nue but that would be boring. It´s not supposed to be perfect gift anyway and I saw that picture and thought Renji´d totally wear something like that. And it would totally be a gift from Byakuya cause, you know, it looks fancy.


	36. Sweet Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji is … overwhelmed. Byakuya doesn´t do any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cripes, I´ve re-read parts of this story and cringed while reading, especially during the very first chapters. I wanna re-write them. REALLY want to. I won´t though, because that´d mean everyone´d have to wait for updates because I´m being selfish. I plan to do a huge edit in the end, though.

Byakuya furrowed his brows. He had said too much – again. It was a bad habit he was beginning to develop from spending such a vast amount of his time - work-related as well as private - around forthright Renji. He resisted the urge to lean further back at the intense stare Renji was directing towards him, dessert all but forgotten. He barely succeeded at supressing a flinch, however, when Renji suddenly leapt up and neared him, demeanor disconcertingly similar to that of a predator closing in on its prey.

´Say that again,´ he rasped, voice rough and a _rawness_ to it that send an involuntary shiver down Byakuya´s spine - and simultaneously stirred some deeper part of him that thrived to elicit more, equal noises from the other man. Paying no heed to such impulses, Byakuya rose to his feet himself, not liking the way Renji threatened to tower over him.

´I do believe I´ve been perfectly understood,´ he drawled with a calm he most certainly was not feeling that instant. His mind was still reeling from its newest revelation and he would much prefer some peace and quiet to come to terms with it to having to explain himself to Renji.

Renji was still staring at him with a look so utterly _floored_ that, despite his inner discomposure, Byakuya found the corners of his mouth twitching treacherously. It was a rather charming look on the redhead and he found himself reaching out to place a finger beneath Renji´s chin and _push_ , effectively closing the other man´s mouth.

Instead of drawing the digit back, though, he let it trail along a sharp, defined jaw, up over red, slightly swollen lips from their fervent use only moments ago to come to rest over fluttering lids of eyes that had slid closed under his ministrations.

´Taichou?´ Renji turned into his touch, lightly nuzzling into the palm of his hand and Byakuya surprised the two of them once more.

´Call me by my first name.´

´In private, at least´, he hurriedly added. The Gotei would be rightfully stunned otherwise. ´Then I am more your lover than I am your captain.´ Before he could indulge the urge to explain himself further, Renji exhaled as if he had taken a blow to the gut and visibly sagged.´That ain´t fair.´ 

Byakuya let an eyebrow climb, but remained otherwise motionless - mainly since he was lost on how to respond - as Renji raised a hand to envelop his cheek. ´You have no idea how long I´ve waited ta hear you say that. Both things.´ He supplied the last part before Byakuya had a chance to inquire.

Then Renji bent forward until his forehead came to rest against Byakuya´s and the contact pleasantly caused the most prominent of the turmoil to retreat to the back of his mind. ´And now ya dump them both on me, just like that.´

Byakuya intended to inform him that the surprise was entirely mutual, but Renji´s mouth found his and he determined it could perfectly well wait.

\--

Saying he was flabbergasted was a fat understatement. Where the hell had that confession come from? He hadn´t done much tonight besides eating up both their shares of dinner and telling the guy he hated the present he´d handpicked for him.

If that came out of snubbing Byakuya then maybe he should take a chance on it more often.

At present, Byakuya was pressing close and slowly melting against him and so Renji decided that, yeah, the how and why could definitively wait until later. He settled his hands on Byakuya´s hips and pulled back from the kiss to mouth along Byakuya´s jaw and down the noble´s throat.

Byakuya tilted his head sideways obligingly, his eyes falling halfway shut. ´You´re welcome to stay the night,´ he murmured.

Renji nipped at his Adam´s apple. ´Thought you´d never ask.´ Byakuya hummed approvingly and hooked his long fingers into the sash of Renji´s shihakusho, tugging him closer and towards the bed.

They fell onto Byakuya´s bed, which was exactly as soft as it looked, if not more so, with Renji going down first and Byakuya coming to lie on top of him, gravity and his own body weight pressing him into Renji.

It was always like this. With Byakuya initiating, touch was fine. But it was Byakuya who called the shots. And apparently right now he was more than up for touching.

Their position made for some most delicious friction and Renji clawed hands and feet into the sheets to keep himself from rolling upwards for more. Byakuya gave another hum and, without looking, grabbed the small bottle of oil waiting on the nightstand.

The scent of lotus spread and Renji thought about how the servants must have drawn their own conclusions when cleaning the room, but was quickly distracted by Byakuya´s fingers preparing him with quick, practiced movements.

They both groaned when Byakuya slid home, Byakuya muffling the sound against Renji´s shoulder. He was still mostly lying on top of Renji, just having moved enough to get the leverage to prop one lower arm onto Renji´s chest while freeing the other to be otherwise occupied. That had Renji mostly pinned, save for his arms, which he raised cautiously to Byakuya´s shoulders, gripping to crumble the fabric there when no obvious rebuke followed the action.

Their position rendered hard, long thrusts impossible so when Byakuya moved it was more of a slow grinding and the phrase ´making love´ came to Renji´s mind. It was slow and sweet and another of the many firsts of this evening.

And afterwards, Byakuya didn´t get up immediately to clean himself off, but stayed close and let Renji put an arm around him for the whole of ten minutes before giving up and scooting over to the far edge of the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates´ll probably be slowing down again for the next couple months. Got another bout of exams coming up, a real big one this time, and I´m this close to failing them cause I got a motivation problem, until I get a time problem.


	37. I Don´t Know How Not To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji wakes up after the best birthday ever. It goes downhill from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m back!! Exams done, possibly probably failed, but DONE. I´m sorry for the long wait and huge thanks to everyone who stuck with me!

Renji blinked lazily, slowly letting still bleary and sleep-crusted eyes wander about Byakuya´s bedroom to confirm what he felt already: Byakuya wasn´t here. Well, would probably have been asking a bit much for him to still be here at this time of day. One look told him that it was past six and thus way past the time Byakuya usually got up. Though Renji liked to think he was beginning to rub off on him a little lately, managing to keep him in bed at least past five.

He really didn´t know how Byakuya did that. He himself was just all too happy to snooze till lunch, could go past that on a good night even, and if he didn´t get his eight hours, he got cranky and was yawning until his jaw hurt. Okay, not that Byakuya wasn´t cranky because, well, he kind of almost always was. But that was possibly probably more of a personality trait.

And that was what he called his lover. His lover. Who had finally said The Words yesterday. Renji smiled and as he bathed in yesterday´s memories, the smile slipped into a dopey grin. He beamed. He felt like he could take on the world.

Then his stomach let loose a loud rumble and he determined that the world could wait until after breakfast. He slipped out of bed, shrugged into his shihakusho and set out to look for Byakuya, checking if Byakuya, by any chance, had secured them breakfast. And it was now that he thought of every one of those fantastic desserts that´d totally slipped his mind in face of the bomb Byakuya´d dropped on him.

Once outside the room, he found himself in a corridor full of identical looking doors and at a complete loss. Luckily, a servant hurried by, glancing at him curiously on her way past, and Renji called out to her, asking if she knew where the master of the manor was. Now she openly eyed him up before nodding briefly and gesturing for him to follow.

Still no talking servants then. As he fell into step behind her, he wondered if they got punished if they did. It seemed like a stupid thing to do, but then who knew, they were talking about nobility here. They did all kinds of stupid things that someone like him would never get. But he liked to think Byakuya wasn´t that kind of guy.

He was in the middle of imagining Byakyua bending a servant over his knee when the servant stopped, Renji almost running into her. He peered over her shoulder to see where they had landed and, true enough, saw Byakuya seated in seiza in front of a lascivious breakfast buffet, calmly sipping tea and quietly talking to Rukia.

Renji choked. Rukia! She didn´t know about them and he drew a total blank fishing for an excuse that would explain his presence at their breakfast table. It wasn´t like Byakuya made a habit out of inviting his division over to join in on his precious morning routine.

While he was desperately trying to keep his coughing low-key, turning beet-red for his efforts, he saw Byakyua´s eyes land on him, apparently having been alarmed by the noise of someone dying a painful death near his first tea of the day.

´Renji.´ His voice was calm and completely devoid of the panic Renji was feeling right now. ´Good. You managed to come.´

Huh?

Byakuya sipped his tea, his eyes not leaving Renji as he told Rukia ´ I would rather go over a few points before the captain´s and lieutenant´s meeting this morning.´

Okay, yeah, that would work. And he should have thought of that. But leave it to Byakuya to find some excuse on the spot that wasn´t even really one. Because of course Rukia would immediately cotton on to it, being a lieutenant herself.

Byakuka turned away from him. ´I will be disposed in a moment.´

And apparently that was it and he was expected to stand there, looking at Byakuya picking at his plate while his stomach grumbled again. Rukia looked up at the sound, grimacing slightly. Byakuya, however, pretended he´d heard nothing at all. Like _hell_ he hadn’t. Renji shot Rukia a reassuring look. Yeah, it kinda sucked, kinda sucked big time, but it wasn´t like he hadn´t managed hunger before. They both had.

What bothered him more was that tone Byakuya had been using, pure ice and oozing disinterest. It reminded him alarmingly of their early days and Renji didn´t like it. Nothing good ever came with that tone.

And here they were again, the good ol´ two steps forward and three back tactic. It never grew old, did it? Now he just had to determine whether to just leave the noble be and hope for the best and that the issue would resolve itself eventually or whether to actually find out what the issue was, in the process no doubt incurring the wrath of one Kuchiki Byakuya. Great.

He clicked his tongue and Rukia looked his way again. So did Byakuya and Rukia looked back and forth between the two of them, looking a bit trapped, but didn´t say anything. Renji didn´t blame her, how could he. Instead, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, willing the hunger to go away. If he just breathed through his mouth, kept his eyes closed, he could imagine he was somewhere else. Preferably somewhere with food he was allowed to eat. It was a foolproof technique, he´d used it often enough. Though, obviously he wasn´t as hungry now. He wasn´t some scrawny, starving kid with bones for limbs and a hole for a stomach. Not anymore.

He was ripped back to reality by a soft touch to his arms crossed in front of his chest and he opened his eyes to find himself staring into stale orbs. Unlike the touch, they were cold, blank.

Byakuya turned and walked by Renji wordlessly and Renji saw that Rukia had made herself scarce already. He fell into step behind the noble.

They had made it most of the way to the division when Renji couldn´t keep it in any longer. ´So, who´s pissed into your pot this morning?´

Byakuya didn´t bother turning towards him. ´Language, Renji.´ Renji ignored the jibe and waited for a real answer. It didn´t come.

´Yeah, am I getting an answer as to why you´re behaving like a dickhead this morning?´

´Do not call me names, Renji.´ Okay, what was with Byakuya turning one hundred and eighty degrees in only a couple hours.

´Funny,´ he said. ´´Cause last night ya told me to call you by ´your name´.´

Byakuya stopped walking and finally turned towards him. He didn´t stop there, though. He only stopped when Renji stood with his back against the wall, Byakuya crowding him in and his eyes shooting ice at Renji. 

´We´re gonna solve this with violence again, huh?´

And as suddenly as Byakuya´d closed in on him, he backed away again, Renji catching a glimpse of wide eyes before he started walking in direction of the division, not bothering to check if Renji was following.

Yeah, he really didn´t get what was going on here. Seemed like ignoring the problem until it went away wasn´t the right approach, though.

\--

Byakuya cursed in the privacy of his head. What was wrong with him for constantly desiring to subdue Renji with brute force? That particular demon only surfaced to that extent in Renji´s presence, something about Renji making his blood boil. But Renji didn´t deserve to be treated like that. Especially since right now, a prominent part of the treatment was due to his frustrations with himself, lashing out to Renji because Renji was _there_.

In some part of his mind, he´d known all along that he had been getting careless, that he had let Renji´s lax attitude affect him, lulled in by the fact that the nightmares miraculously seemed to steer clear of him in Renji´s overbearing presence. But they had been bound to find him again and now they had.

\--

They made it to the office in silence and after he´d shut the door behind them, Renji made a grab for Byakuya´s arm, turning him around so he could look him in the face. ´Is this because of something I said or did?´ he asked.

\--

Byakuya, having been ready to sneer at Renji, now hesitated. He was tempted to lie, but Renji deserved better. He nodded. Renji sighed, letting his hand slip from Byakuya´s wrist and Byakuya felt his heart rate slow a little.

´I can´t help you if you ain´t tellin´ me shit,´ Renji said then, looking at Byakuya pleadingly. He took a step towards Byakuya, raising his hand as to grab him again, and he had to will himself not to yield backwards. A hand touched his cheek. ´Byakuya,´ Renji said softly, voice warm, inviting, and Byakuya wanted to run. He wanted to chide Renji on the liberties he was taking, but had to concede that he had been the one to allow them in the first place. Thus, in the end, he merely stood there, staring at Renji. Renji who was still stroking his cheek and looking at Byakuya as if trying to unravel his person with his gaze alone.

´Let me try ´n fix it. Don´t shut me out, Byakuya.´ Renji repeated quietly. Byakuya frowned. He did not expect Renji to ´fix´ anything, least of all his personal problems. They were for him to deal with, and him alone. Apart from the fact that he considered himself a private person, it was not _right_ to burden Renji with his issues. It was how he had been taught and what he´d always done. Though, part of his mind whispered, he supposed he _had_ been getting a little careless in that regard with Renji. But maybe that just served to accentuate that perhaps it was time to mend that particular mishap. He opened his mouth and said.

´I don´t know how not to.´

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is a mess. I feel like I´m constantly changing style, writing however I like best at the moment. Yay.


	38. About Guilt, Trust, and The Meaning Of It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya has issues. Renji tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´ve gotten myself a beta! Her name´s XsamakiX and she's the reason you´ll be able to read a chapter and actually understand it.  
> Any remaining mistakes are mine.

His voice had been quiet, almost meek, and his words about the utter opposite of what he'd planned on saying. Byakuya stared, stunned with himself. Renji was stood gaping, apparently sharing his bewilderment.

"Uhm, what do you mean?" Renji managed.

May as well.

"It is ... difficult for me to stray from principles engraved so deeply in my nature that they have become part of who I am," he murmured, eyes still locked with Renji's.

Renji seemed to catch on to what he was saying. "You mean you´ve been told not to accept help for so long that now you don't know how to anymore?" Byakuya nodded, relieved. Then, unexpectedly, Renji's lips curled into a snarl, his eyes burning into Byakuya's. "I'll fuckin' kill them," he hissed.

Byakuya felt ... flattered. "Don't," he mumbled, reaching up to tuck a stray tress behind Renji's ear. "They have only fulfilled their duty." Renji didn't look convinced.

"But you do know that you can trust me, don't ya? That I'd do everything I can ta help you?" Byakuya nodded, a small, tentative smile tugging on his lips. He didn't plan on taking the other up on his offer, but the sentiment was... nice, nonetheless. But there was one thing he _could_ do.

"I trust you," he said, meaning every word.

Renji's answering smile was _blinding_. It was a real one, not the amused grin he so often sported. Byakuya stubbornly resisted the urge to move closer to Renji and lean into him. Renji's smile widened, as if he'd read Byakuya's mind, before his brows creased.

"So, what was earlier about, then?" Renji asked, causing Byakuya to withdraw the hand that had taken to stroking along the back of Renji's neck. He dropped his gaze.

The anger he'd felt earlier had all but bled out by now, and all that had been left behind was sharp, crushing guilt.

\--

"You big idiot."

Renji almost sighed; he knew that look. Byakuya's head whipped up, eyes narrow, ready to snap.

"Taichou- no, _Byakuya_. You don't have to forget how you loved her, hell, you _shouldn't_ stop loving her." Byakuya's eyes widened and Renji smiled softly. He snagged Byakuya's hand and squeezed it gently. "What ya had with her, it was something very special, even I get that much. You should treasure it." His voice grew firmer as Byakuya began to pale.

"But that doesn't mean you should hold on to the past, shut out the here and now. That's not how life works. I don't know what kind of promise ya made to yourself-" he'd bet his life as a member of the Gotei that Byakuya had made some self-destructing martyr promise "-but I know one thing: Your love for her and your love for me are two completely different things, as they should be. You're not betrayin' her. If anything, this is homage to her, to the feelings ya have for her. To give them out again."

He stroked his thumb over Byakuya's wrist. The pulse there was fucking _frantic_. "I know that I haven't had the fortune to meet the good lady, but if she´s _anything_ like Rukia, she´d kick your ass three ways to Sunday for even _tryin_ ´ to pull that stunt. She'd want you to be happy, which is impossible if you spend your life in solitude on principle. No one can be happy like that." His voice grew a little defiant. "Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn´t love or deserve you in the first place."

Renji drew in a deep breath. What a rant! He'd meant every word, though, and was kind of dying to know what Byakuya had to say to it.

Only, Byakuya didn't say anything. Eyes still on the floor, he just stood there. No reprimand, no sneered ´You're out of line, Renji´, no nothing. Byakuya was as pale as death himself and his hand, still held in Renji's, was twitching as if it were reaching for something to hold on to. Renji curled his fingers around Byakuya's more tightly and just held on.

"Rukia always reminds me of her," Byakuya conceded quietly. Renji gently squeezed his hand.

Every time Renji thought that they'd managed to work around all of the noble´s self-loathing, Byakuya proved him wrong. Apparently there was an infinite supply.

The redhead waited in case Byakuya wanted to say more, but the raven straightened, his hand slipping from Renji's. Seemingly there were only so many feelings he could cope with at a time.

True enough, Byakuya raised his chin and Renji could almost _see_ the walls being pulled back up. They were back to business. "We ought to discuss the meeting," Byakuya announced.

"Yes, Sir," Renji responded, showing Byakuya he was done taking advantage of the lapse in formality.

\--

The meeting had gone smoothly; Byakuya had expected nothing less, even though he was only half listening.

He had given his heart to Hisana- he'd given her his all. Losing her had felt like losing half his soul. It had come as a shock to find out that he'd unknowingly begun to feel that way for another, the oath he'd sworn to himself, broken. He'd failed to uphold her legacy. He'd failed her. Hisana had brought out the good in him; she'd been his stepping stone, and had the ability to keep his demons at bay like no one before, or after her, had been able to.

But that wasn't true anymore, was it?

He watched the redhead currently walking towards him.

Perhaps it was time to 'man up', as Renji would no doubt put it.

It was only because he was looking directly at Renji already that he saw the way Renji stumbled, the way he began to fall.

Byakuya had flash stepped and caught the other before his brain caught up with his actions. When it did, he glanced at their surroundings and, true enough, _everyone_ in vicinity was outright staring.

He pulled Renji to his feet and let go. Even _Renji_ was staring. Thankfully, he caught himself instantly. "Thanks, Taichou," he said, as if Byakuya had just done something perfectly normal, something he'd done a thousand times before.

"Back to the division?" Renji asked and Byakuya nodded stiffly. He didn't miss the way Renji kept a respectful two steps behind him.

\--

"It's not like the words are written on your forehead, you know?"

They've been back in their shared office for three hours now, during which Byakuya hadn't touched him once, had spoken to him twice and had shot not-so-covert glances at him about fifty times. Renji'd had enough of it.

"Byakuya, I´m perfectly capable of not kissing you in front of the whole Gotei, yeah?" Renji couldn't resist teasing him, and going by the way Byakuya flinched, Renji's words had struck home. He grinned. Getting up and closing in on Byakuya, he braced his hands on the desk and leaned over so his lips were mere inches from the noble's. "But, I'm more than happy to kiss you like this," he rumbled playfully.

Then, he closed the distance between their lips and immediately felt Byakuya go pliant. Hell yeah. He pushed a bit further and the raven obligingly opened his mouth, groaning softly.

Ten minutes of increasingly heated kisses later, Byakuya pushed him away gently. Renji made a noise of protest and leaned back down. "We're in the office, Renji," Byakuya chided, face neutral, though his eyes were laced with humor. Renji whined and Byakuya let him steal one more kiss before he pulled away completely. "Shall we get some work done?" His eyes sparkled and Renji felt his lips stretch into a smile, even if work wasn't really all that high on the list of things he felt like doing at the time. 

"Yeah," he agreed.


	39. In Sickness And In Health

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait!
> 
> Thanks go to XsamakiX for her awesome beta work.

Byakuya sneezed for the third time in an hour.

Renji scrunched his brows together in concern. "Tai- Byakuya. Are you cold?"

"I'm fine," Byakuya said and sneezed again. Seeing this, Renji got up and closed the window.

"You don't have hay fever, do you?" He thought he would have noticed earlier if Byakuya did, but he couldn't be too sure.

"I'm fine," the noble repeated a little more forcefully. The raven didn't sneeze that time, so Renji let it go.

\--

That evening, Renji stuck his head into the office. "Training's finished. The new recruits are doing pretty well. If ya don't have anythin' else for me, I'm done for the day."

Byakuya raised his head and blinked a few times, as if he was having trouble focusing his eyes on Renji. "That's all right. It's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow."

Renji raised an eyebrow. So there was still something he could do and Byakuya wouldn't make him do it right away, and it wasn't even dark outside. Was Byakuya getting soft?

"If ya say so," he said suspiciously. "You take it easy, too, then, okay?"

Byakuya nodded absently, eyes drifting away from Renji's.

"I will see you at the mansion tonight?"

Renji hesitated, but only for a moment.

"Yeah, breakfast included this time?" He asked only half-jokingly.

Byakuya managed to look a little sheepish without moving a single facial muscle.

"Of course."

"Later, then," Renji grinned and, with one last glance at the lone, straight-backed figure seated behind the massive mahogany desk, let the door slide closed.

\--

Renji was about to knock on the wall beside the slide door to Byakuya's bedroom when he noticed a dark figure looming in the shadow of a willow a few feet away. "Holy shit, Byakuya, you wanna give me a heart attack?"

"It is your fault for not paying attention to the spiritual pressures that are close by," the noble answered quietly.

Renji raked a hand down his face. "What are ya doing out here at this time of night anyway? It's fucking cold."

"That's the reason precisely."

Renji's eyes had slowly started to adjust to the darkness, allowing him to eventually make out the contours of Byakuya's face and-

He took a few quick steps forward and pressed his hand to his captain's forehead. The skin there was fucking _scorching_.

The flushed noble leaned into Renji's touch.

"That feels nice," he murmured.

"Yeah, okay. Bed. Right now," Renji ordered, forcing his voice to take on a commanding tone.

Byakuya eyes flashed at him and Renji didn't know if it was out of anger or because of the fever. Not that he really cared at that point.

"I'm perfectly fine, Renji," Byakuya protested as he stared at Renji defiantly before swaying dangerously on his feet.

As he began to fall, Renji caught him with one hand, doing his best to steady the older man.

"Yeah, and I'm a fluffy bunny with pink fur," he agreed. He drew his hand back and, ignoring the sound of protest that Byakuya made, curled it around the other's waist, giving him little choice but to follow him back inside.

The noble huffed indignantly as Renji tucked him into bed, drawing the covers up to his ears. "Where the hell are all those servants of yours when you need 'em?"

Byakuya mumbled something incomprehensible into the sheets.

"What was that?"

"I've sent them away and instructed them to retire for the night," Byakuya mumbled, looking slightly guilty.

The bastard had better be feeling guilty, all right. Renji sighed.

"You're gonna rest," he told Byakuya, who looked like he wanted to argue before Renji shot him his hardest glare, causing him to reconsider.

"I'm thirsty," he finally said, a little petulantly.

Renji smiled at him. "Stay right where you are." He went into Byakuya's bathroom, which thankfully lay directly next to his bedroom, fetching a glass of water and hunting for a dose of cold medicine as well. He returned with his loot, noting contently that Byakuya hadn't moved.

"Here, take these," Renji told the noble as he handed him the glass of water and a few pills. Byakuya took them without a fuss this time and the redhead used the opportunity to study the other more closely. Byakuya looked like shit; he was pale, save for the flush on his cheeks, his hair was tousled and sticking to his skin in a way that would make Renji's blood shoot south if it wasn't coupled with sweat pearling on the raven's forehead and a pair of fever-hazed, disoriented eyes.

Once the glass was empty, Renji pushed the noble back into the pillows before he had a chance to try and get up. "Now go to sleep," Renji said softly, sweeping a sweaty strand out of the other's face as gently as he could.

Surprisingly, Byakuya did as he was told.

\--

It was dark.

He was alone.

He was cold.

He hurt.

Everything hurt.

But... Oh, He wasn't cold anymore.

He snuggled into the familiar warmth.

\--

Renji watched as Byakuya curled into him and finally - _finally-_ the shivering stopped. He settled onto the bed more comfortably, making sure that the noble was thoroughly covered in blankets, before drifting off himself.

\--

Someone was approaching from the left, steps light, quiet. Female, about twenty.

Renji waited until she was close enough, then he leapt up, drawing Zabimaru with one fluid motion and holding them to the neck of whoever had the guts to sneak up on them.

Renji blinked, his brain slowly recovering from its sleep-induced stupor. It was a servant. A servant that was currently standing stock-still and looking at him with eyes as big as saucers.

"Uh," he mumbled. "Sorry." He lowered Zabimaru, scratching at his chin with his sword-less hand. "Thought ya were an attacker or somethin'," he grunted, speech slurred from sleep.

"I– I apologize for disturbing your rest, Mr.–"

"Renji." So the servants _could_ speak.

"Mr. Renji. Miss Rukia sent me to check on the master." The girl peered around Renji at Byakuya. "The master is usually up, even before us."

Master, huh? Oh, right: Byakuya.

Suppressing a yawn, he ditched the servant in favor of getting a look at Byakuya. The noble was still buried under heaps of blankets, which Renji had added during the night when the shivering had intensified, head tucked between two pillows. All that could be seen of him were a few stands of raven hair. Renji felt all warm and fuzzy at the sight, before he remembered why Byakuya was so bundled up and lost the smile.

He turned towards the attendant, uncomfortable at issuing any kind of order, but Byakuya was more important. He flashed what he hoped came across as an apologetic smile. "The master is ill. Mind getting him some tea and maybe something light for breakfast?"

"Of course. Right away." She hurried away after one last glance in his direction and it was only once the door had fallen shut behind her that Renji realized what this must have looked like. Shit. Now he could only hope that she wasn't some gossip, but who was he kidding.

Byakuya stirred in his pillow pile. "Hey, sleepy-head. How you feeling?"

"I heard a voice?" Byakuya's voice was rough and husky.

Renji helped him sit up and handed him a glass of water.

"Yeah, someone came to check up on you. And I have to hand it to your servants, she didn't even bat an eye when she saw me."

"Only the best," Byakuya mumbled, not quite awake enough yet to fight Renji's helping hand. He loved this taciturn, adorably grumpy Byakuya before the man had gotten some tea into his system.

"How're you feeling?" He repeated, watching as Byakuya drank the water in one go and placed the empty glass on the nightstand.

"Fine." Renji gave him a skeptical look. "... Better than yesterday."

That's better. Renji opened his mouth to tell Byakuya that he should stay in bed and take it easy for the day when he was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. Good, the attendant had returned.

But it wasn't the attendant's voice that called out to them.

"Nii-sama, I heard you're unwell?"


	40. You Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya's a bad patient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, huge thanks go to XsamakiX for doing beta work.
> 
> Also, and I do this waaay too seldom, but I want to thank everyone who's read this story, left kudos or even took the time to leave a comment. I really appreciate the support, especially since some of you have stuck with me for quite some time now, which is really great, so thank you!

Renji didn't think he'd ever heard Rukia's voice sound as small, as  _contained_ as it did when she was addressing her beloved nii-sama. Sometime, he'd have to get Byakuya to do something about that. He didn't like it.

For now, though, he should probably get off Byakuya's bed and put his shihakusho back on (When had he taken it off?). Yep, definitively put it back on. He leapt up, shrugging on his clothes in what had to be record time, even for him, and barely finishing as the noble bade Rukia inside. A subtle glance in his direction told Renji that it had, in no way, been a coincidence. Bastard.

"Nii-sama, are you–" Rukia stopped mid-sentence when she saw that her nii-sama wasn't alone. "Renji?"

He rolled his eyes. "Please. Slow down. You're knocking me over with that enthusiasm of yours."

Rukia frowned. "What are you doing here, Renji?"

He almost rolled his eyes again, instead gesturing towards the noble still sitting in bed, propped up against the wall with a cushion stuffed against his lower back. "Same as you?" That got her attention back to their little patient, but it didn’t kept her from throwing him a _look_ , letting him know that she wasn't completely buying it.

Said patient was currently doing his very best to pretend as if he wasn't touched by his sister fawning over him. It was adorable to watch, really. Too bad that Rukia didn't seem to notice.

Those siblings were so alike it wasn't even funny anymore. Each cared for the other way more than they were ready to admit to, and they were at the same time completely oblivious to how the other party felt.

Renji shook his head as he stepped up to the bed.

"Nii-sama, you look horrible," Rukia blurted out as soon as she'd sank into seiza next to the futon. Renji snorted. Smooth, real smooth. He watched amusedly as Byakuya blinked, looking mildly surprised then looked at Rukia and grinned as she realized what she’d just said, and blushed furiously. He was always one to enjoy when Rukia found herself embarrassed.

But then again, she was kind of right. If he thought that Byakuya had looked bad yesterday, it was nothing compared to what he looked like today. He'd seen dying people that had healthier complexions.

Rukia cleared her throat delicately. "Nii-sama, you ought to stay home for the day. You need to rest," she quietly, _demurely_ suggested, looking up at him through her lashes.

"I am feeling perfectly capable of fulfilling my duties," Byakuya retorted, voice laced with fondness, but Rukia recoiled nervously at the apparent rebuff. "As you say, nii-sama," she told him with a bright shine to her eyes.

Gods, these two.

"I would still feel better if you were able to find some amount of rest," Rukia chanced, eyes dropping.

Renji watched the exchange, interest piqued. A few months back, Rukia wouldn't have dared backtalk to her adoptive brother so openly.

"I'm afraid as captain I–"

"The division'll totally fine for one day," Renji cut in, ignoring the scathing glare Byakuya sent his way. "'Sides, we've cleared most of the paperwork for the week already. Not much more planned for today, other than some sparring, and I think they can handle that without you breathin' down their necks."

Oops, that might have come out a little too casual, but a quick glance at Rukia told him that she was too occupied to notice. "So you will stay here for the day?" She asked hopefully.

"I– Fine. I'll stay," Byakuya amended with another glare in Renji's direction. He smiled innocently.

Rukia looked like Christmas had come early and had half skipped out of the room before she reconsidered. "Should– should I–"

Byakuya's face went soft. "No. No, you have duties to fulfill yourself, have you not?" He waved a hand into Renji's direction. "And I have Renji here to take care of me."

"I– Of course." Rukia bowed. "Please excuse me." She locked eyes with Renji just long enough so he could see the mild confusion in them before she turned and left for the thirteenth. It looked like _that_ conversation wasn't over yet.

The door slid closed with a soft thud.

"You may leave now, Renji."

Renji tore his eyes away from the ornate wood and turned towards the noble. "Huh? Nah, I'm fine."

"I wasn't making a suggestion."

He shrugged. "Me neither."

Byakuya scrunched his nose in a way that made him look ridiculously cute. "That doesn't make sense. The division–"

"The division'll be absolutely fine. I've sent a hell butterfly to let 'em know what they're supposed ta do and that I'll check in on 'em later," he cut the noble off impatiently.

Byakyua smoothed out the blanket he was still lying covered with, studying the dips and creases, face hidden behind a curtain of raven strands. "Renji, I look a fright. Please leave me alone."

Renji stepped forward until his shins hit the bed and reached out to smooth the back of his hand over Byakuya's forehead, brushing the hair out of the other's face in the process. "'Course I won't. Don't be stupid."

The noble's lips thinned, whether it was from being spoken to like that or simply because the younger man wasn't bending to his will, Renji didn't know. He put a finger under the raven's chin, tipping it up gently, forcing Byakuya to look him in the eyes. "I don't care if ya look a 'fright'," he protested. "I'm here 'cause I wanna be and I ain't leaving. Stop tryin' to make me." Never mind the fact that Byakuya technically _could_ make him. Pathetically easily, too.

He let go of the other's chin and, after some hesitation, crawled back into bed. It wasn't like they had anything left to hide. But the moment he'd settled in comfortably next to a silently scowling Byakuya, there was a polite knock on the door and, after Byakuya's approval, the same girl from earlier appeared, carrying what looked suspiciously like art and smelled deliciously like breakfast.

The noble barely glanced in her direction before reaffixing his gaze on the opposite wall. It was Renji who took the tray from her, thanked her, noting contently that there was rice porridge, hot tea and more cold medicine. He also noticed the heaps of other delicious foodstuffs, clearly not intended for Byakuya, which answered the gossip question. He looked up, seeing that she was studying him with a small, curious smile. He shook his head lightly, and she backed off, bowing to Byakuya, then to _him_ , and took her leave.

He stood there for a few seconds, feeling awkward, before picking up his jaw and returning to bed. "You might want to, uh, tell the staff a thing or two?"

The raven moved his eyes from the wall to the tray that Renji placed between them. "I don't think that will be necessary," he stated with a dismissive tone. The message was clear: The servants were meant to follow orders, not ask questions. The bite of pickled vegetables Renji'd snagged from the tray left a stale aftertaste.

He poured Byakuya some tea before pouring a cup for himself. "You okay here or d'you want to move to the table?"

"This will be fine," the noble decided, accepting the tea and the drugs.

Renji rearranged the tray so that they could both eat from it comfortably. They fell into silence as he made to devour his part of breakfast while Byakuya stirred in his porridge.

He'd made it through most of his share when Byakuya set down his chopsticks with an audible click. He stared at Renji intently. "What?" Renji managed around a mouthful of Tamagoyaki.

"I don't understand," the noble admitted, a fact that visibly frustrated him.

He swallowed the eggs down. "You don't understand what?"

Byakuya's eyes narrowed studiously. "What you're receiving from this." He gestured to Renji, the tray, and the bed in general.

Renji was speechless. He picked up another piece of omelet, stuck it in his mouth, chewed and swallowed, his eyes never leaving Byakuya’s. "I need to get something out of this?" He asked finally.

The noble's brow creased, confused. "You don't?"

He continued to stare into dark, unfathomable orbs. "You tell me," he said softly, quietly.

The raven dropped his gaze, fingers picking up the chopsticks, fiddling with them. Then he looked up again, eyes wondrous. "You don't."

Renji smiled at him sadly. "That's right," he agreed.

They finished breakfast, Renji having lost most of his appetite, Byakuya having found his. Afterwards, Renji placed the empty tray on the floor and drew the other man closer and, after a bit of initial resistance, Byakuya turned into his arms. After an especially heavy coughing fit, the noble mumbled, "You'll catch my flu."

Renji grinned a bit. "You know what they say: Idiots don't catch colds." Byakuya snorted lightly but didn't argue, and Renji pressed his face into the top of Byakuya's head.

"Sleep," he murmured into silky strands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tamagoyaki: Japanese egg roll. Freakin' delicious.


	41. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji's in for a surprise or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by XsamakiX. Thanks for making the chapter much better than it was before!

Renji stole a covert glance at Byakuya. The usually stoic man had been frowning at that letter for quite a while now. "Uh, that doesn't happen to be a letter from Ukitake-taichou, does it?"

The noble visibly tore himself away from the paper in his hands. "It isn't." Then, something seemed to sink in and he eyed Renji with a slightly suspicious expression. "Should there be such a document?"

Renji winced. He may or may not have had a little incident involving several of their seats, the thirteenth's vice-captains and recruits a few days back. He wasn't that eager for Byakuya to find out about it and it seemed like until now he'd been lucking out. This time as well, instead of digging deeper into the matter, Byakuya dropped it and returned his attention to the mystery letter.

Interest piqued at what could capture the noble's attention to such an extent, he asked, "What's it about, then?"

He really shouldn't be so nosy. It wasn't like it was any of his business and also, if Byakuya wanted his opinion, he'd let Renji know; Byakuya was like that. It was even more surprising when the noble actually answered.

"An invitation to a miai," he said, pretty much glaring at the paper in his hands as if just staring at it intensely enough would somehow make its contents change.

  _Oh_.

Well, Byakuya _was_ the head of one of the most influential families in the Seireitei on top of being among the most powerful captains of the Gotei Thirteen and he was pretty fucking easy on the eyes, which didn’t exactly hurt either. He probably got marriage proposals all the time, which… yeah… Renji’d better not think about too deeply.

"It's not like ya actually have to go," he pointed out, a little confused as to why the noble was so bothered.

"I'm going," Byakuya said, no hesitation whatsoever in his voice or eyes when he finally looked at Renji.

That was... quick. "Even if I told you not to?"

Shit. He hadn't meant to say that.

"Even then," Byakuya agreed, which apparently was all he had to say to that because he went back to proof reading and signing division reports that were supposed to be sent to the head captain.

What the fuck?

"I don't want you to go," he said more forcefully, planting his elbows on the desk and staring at the noble stubbornly.

Byakuya glanced up briefly before purposefully putting his signature under the report he'd just scanned. "Stop acting like a fool, Renji," he snapped impatiently.

Too bad Renji'd never been that good at letting sleeping dogs lie. "I don't think I am," he argued. "Who's it from anyway? The invitation to the miai."

The noble signed the next report. "Me."

Renji gaped. _Byakuya_ had been the one to send the invitation? "You serious?"

This time, the raven put his brush down, a steely look creeping into his eyes. “Am I particularly well known for my attempts to be humorous?”

He chuckled darkly. "Nah, of course you're not. Wish you were, though, but the mighty Kuchiki Byakuya wouldn't dare. Humor is for lesser beings, after all," Renji retorted dryly. He knew he was being bitter now, but seriously? This was bullshit.

"I do not expect you to understand," the noble hissed, pushing his chin up.

Renji chuckled again. "Damn right, I don't."

The other man didn't grace him with a reply. He just fucking picked up his brush again and went back to his fucking paperwork, leaving Renji to fume quietly. He wanted to demand an explanation. He wanted to tell the other that this, that _they_ , wouldn't work anymore if Byakuya planned on landing himself a wife. That he'd be done with the other and that the noble would have to decide between them.

Only, Renji wasn't so sure about that. It was fucked up as hell but he knew himself well enough to admit that there was a good chance of him staying with Byakuya anyway, even if being forced into the position of a concubine was his only choice.

But that didn't mean he wouldn't put up one hell of a fight.

They worked in icy silence for hours, Renji refusing to be the one to break it and Byakuya not looking all that bothered by it. Then the raven, at exactly six, carefully placed his brush in its ornate mahogany box and sorted all of the completed papers in a neat stack at the upper left corner of his desk, ready for Renji to send them on.

He squinted across the room. Byakuya _never_ left on time, which could only mean one thing.

Renji gulped.

 He hadn't thought the miai would be _today_. He'd thought there'd still be some time to talk the noble out of it. Ignoring the sick feeling churning in his gut, he forced himself to keep scanning the sheet in front of him, doing his best to take interest in this week's patrol mission in the outer ring of the Seireitei.

\--

"Renji." Byakuya had been about to take his leave, but his feet had carried him to the front of his lieutenant's desk instead. He let his eyes wander over an unsubtly brooding Renji. At his voice, the redhead glanced up, meeting his gaze somewhat begrudgingly. Byakuya frowned, mild annoyance flaring up once more.

"Is something wrong?"

To his surprise, Renji barked out a short laugh that had absolutely nothing jovial about it. "Wrong? Yeah, you could say that."

"And what would that be?" Byakuya loathed having to ask further questions.

"Yer goin' to a fucking matchmaking, that's what's wrong," Renji hissed with unexpected, and irrational spite.

Byakuya, who found himself surprised at first, felt his own temper flare. He didn't recall doing anything to warrant such a reaction. He opened his mouth, fully intending to chastise the other for his tone, when he saw the way Renji was miserably peering down at his desk. He frowned again. Could it be-?

"You do realize that this is a mere matter of politics?" He queried, quirking an eyebrow. "I have no intention of taking a wife."

When Renji's head shot up at his words, Byakuya permitted himself a quiet sigh. Sometimes, Renji's... _vibrant_ personality caused him to forget that the other was indeed younger than him by a few decades.

An additional step forward brought him directly in front of the redhead, allowing him to extend one hand to touch his fingers gently to the younger man's shoulder. "I thought that it was clear. I apologize if that was not the case."

Renji relaxed under his touch, sagging into his seat.

\--

Renji leaned into the noble's touch. Saying he was relieved didn't even cover it anymore, but there was still something he didn't get: "Why _are_ you going?" Even to his own ears he sounded whiney and he knew that Byakuya had certain obligations, him being the head of a noble family and all, but, hell, fake or not, he didn't want anyone getting near Byakuya like that. Byakuya was _his_.

The corners of the noble's mouth turned down. "It would be considered a slight."

"And jus' going even if yer decision's already made isn't?" Renji challenged.

The raven sighed. "I was the one to send the invitation."                     

"Yeah, about that. What the hell?"

"I initiated the miai. More specifically, my aunt did so in my name," Byakuya confirmed, his jaw setting. "I already informed her that I neither appreciated nor allowed the liberties she was taking, but the damage is done. It would dishonor the lady if I were to stand her up, especially on such short notice."

Renji chewed at the corner of his mouth. Then he exhaled. "Okay," he amended. "Fine."

\--

Byakuya suppressed a smile. He removed his fingers from the redhead's shoulder to stroke them along a pouting cheek. Then he turned, opting not to tell Renji that he would have much rather spent the evening in his company instead.

He had dreaded that something like this might happen ever since Renji's presence at the celebrations in honor of his birthday a few years ago. His dear lady aunt unfortunately knew him a little better than he was comfortable with. The fact that the servants had drawn to their own conclusions did little to help their case either.

At the sliding door, he stopped, looking at the redhead over his shoulder.

"I'll see you tonight?"

His lieutenant's presence at night was quickly becoming a normalcy rather than a special occasion, and true enough, Renji answered in the affirmative, and Byakuya stepped outside, opting for the long route home.

\--

It had still been too early to go meet Byakuya; Renji'd known that, so it was really his own fault that he'd run into Byakuya's aunt instead of the man himself. But Renji had to hand it to her, she knew what she was doing. He didn't doubt for a second that it wasn't a coincidence he'd met her, and considering he always used a pretty deserted route to get to Byakuya's chambers via the gardens, not exactly sneaking but not announcing his visit with a trumpet either, she must have done her homework. Which also meant she probably knew, or at least had her suspicions about Byakuya and him.

"Milady," he said, stopping on the gravelly path to sink into a formal bow.

Kuchiki Kimiko wrinkled her nose. What a charming woman.

"What have we here? A little rat trying to sneak into where it doesn't belong." She stared him down, which was pretty impressive considering he was at least a head taller than her. Even while bowing.

He straightened again. "With all due respect, ma'am, I've been invited," he pointed out, staring straight into her eyes defiantly, but keeping his voice level. She _was_ Byakuya's relative, after all.

"I didn't know there'd be guests," he couldn't resist adding. He knew he was playing a risky game, but this was the woman that had caused Byakuya to break down last time they'd met, with only so much as a few sentences, no less. Renji wasn't about to forgive that.

"The surprise is entirely mutual," Auntie said coolly, making it clear that, while mutual, the surprise wasn't _pleasant_. Renji'd second that. "I wasn't aware that my nephew still entertained such... unseemly relations."

Renji smiled at her, showing his teeth, and forcing himself to hide a satisfied smirk when she took a quick step backwards, glaring daggers at him.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean by that, ma'am," he lied.

"That doesn't exactly surprise now, does it," she sniffed, and Renji'd swear that if she didn't think it to be unbecoming of a fine lady or some shit like that, she'd have spat on him right then and there. He subtly peered around her to where the mansion lay, calculating his chances of getting out of there in the next few minutes.

"How much?" The noble suddenly hissed, putting an end to his escape plans. Apparently she wasn't done yet.

"Again, you'll have to get a bit more specific than that, milady."

"How much will it take for you to leave my nephew alone?"

" _What?_ " He must have misunderstood.

Byakuya's aunt sighed dramatically. "Is your hearing as bad as your manners?"

He stared at her, not even bothering anymore to mask his disgust, one hand grabbing for Zabimaru's hilt to calm himself and not accidentally do something as stupid as attack Byakuya's aunt. He was pretty sure the resulting time in prison would put a damper on their relationship.

"Is that how nobility settles its affairs? Money sorts it all out?" He took a deliberate step forward, making her take one back, all the while glaring at him with murderous eyes.

"I don't want your fuckin' money," he snarled, "I'm not some prostitute, an' I love your nephew."

She seemed to grow in front of his eyes, visibly gaining ground again. "Oh please, don't be so conceited. Shouldn't you want what's best for him then, or do you deliberately wish to cause trouble for him? And don't tell me that you don't know that is exactly what's going to happen. I know you're not quite that stupid."

Renji shouldn't listen to her he knew that, but that didn't stop a small sliver of doubt to worm it's way inside his heart. Her words were hitting a little too close to where the things that kept him awake in the darkest hours of night were hiding.

"I think I've done a much better job at making him happy than whatever you lot have been doing," his voice was not the unfaltering tone he'd been going for, and Kuchiki Kimiko straightened like a dog that smelled blood.

"You don't know a thing about politics. You have no hope of understanding what life as a noble is like."

"Maybe that's true, but I only want Byakuya to be happy," he repeated, staring at his feet, willing himself to not believe her.

Her voice softened as she spoke again, "Yes, can you believe me when I tell you that I wish for the same?" He had no reason to, and it would be so much easier if he didn't, but at that moment? He did. In her own very twisted, roundabout way, Kuchiki Kimiko cared about her nephew.

"I still won't leave him," he argued, looking directly into her eyes. "Even if me being there does cause trouble for him, if I left, it would break him." As soon as the words were out, Renji realized the whole heavy truth behind them.

Kimiko reeled back as if Renji'd physically hit her.

"How presumptuous," she hissed, all softness gone, before visibly collecting herself. "I had hoped to settle this matter as quietly as possible but I see that it is no longer a viable option.

"Damn straight," Renji agreed, and suddenly he had that very deep urge to see Byakuya. The way that this woman was looking at him screamed one thing– she was dangerous. Not in a physical way, but Renji'd seen that kind of eyes enough times before: This woman was shrewd and ruthless; someone that'd go to any lengths to get what she wanted.

And right now, she wanted him gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A miai is more of a 'matchmaking' where two potential partners meet than a 'marriage proposal', so I'm bending the meaning a little here. There isn't an exact English term for it anyway.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A miai, a little more of the lovely aunt and a situation with possibly grave consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi to everyone that's stuck around! It's been quite a while (again), hasn't it. I hope the longer-than-usual chapter makes up for it.
> 
> Once more, invaluable beta-work was done by XsamakiX despite her being incredibly busy at the moment. Thanks, lovely!
> 
> Also, no title for this chapter since my tired brain couldn't come up with one.

Byakuya smoothed out the wrinkles in his deep purple and white plaid yukata, straightened his posture and put on a carefully neural expression before entering the reception room he'd been told his guests had been shown to. The three people already in it rose to their feet and, after they'd given their bows, he motioned for them to take a seat once more.

Sinking into proper seiza in front of them, he discretely examined the lady unfortunate enough to have been deemed as a respectable candidate for marriage by his aunt. Unsurprisingly, she was of stunning beauty. What did come as a mild surprise were her intelligent eyes, which she kept demurely lowered, and the almost defiantly straight posture with which she held herself. He had to admit, out of all of them, she was the best. He paid no heed to his aunt's knowing glances, instead choosing to address the lady sitting across from him who had to be younger than him by at least a few decades.

"I'm afraid I'm not available for marriage at this point," he cut straight to the chase. He didn't intend to ever be, with one possible exception, but he knew better than to leave the other party without a sliver of hope. Desperate times called for desperate measures, after all, something he'd experienced one too many times himself. It was better to leave them in the belief that they still stood a chance. 'Lying', as Renji would most likely call it, but, in reality, it was nothing more than a simple tactic.

He didn't have to look at his aunt to know she was regarding him with ill-disguised disapproval. True enough, she chided, "Byakuya, darling, don't be like that," before turning towards the lady kneeling to her left, with what was presumably her escort at her side. "State your name, dear child."

"Daichi Akiko, milady," a sensual, surprisingly strong voice filled the room and Byakuya found himself surprised yet again when Daichi Akiko didn't face the ground or even his aunt, but stared him straight in the eyes as she talked. Judging by her name, she had to be the heiress of a rather insignificant lesser noble family, but she was doing her family proud. A few years ago, he might have given her a chance. However, as things stood now, he wasn't feeling tempted in the least.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, lady Daichi," he said calmly, allowing his gaze to become a touch warmer, as a reward, so to speak, "You have my deepest apologies that I will be unable to become your husband." He had already given himself to another, a thought that hit him with its full implications that moment.

The lady threw him again when understanding flashed in her eyes before they were clouded by disappointment, which, again, was quickly buried behind a mask of politeness. She'd been taught well. "I see," she said, "Then, Kuchiki-sama, if you would–"

"Don't worry, my child, he didn't mean it like that," aunt Kimiko interrupted her, glaring at him openly this time, but before she could continue, something she without a doubt intended to do, the fourth person in the room, hitherto mute, spoke up, tone unmistakably disapproving, "Oh I rather think he did."

Byakuya found himself at the receiving end of a pair of snobbish, dull eyes. "Need I remind you, Kuchiki-sama, that it was your party that called us here? Now you plan on sending us away again without having accomplished a thing?"

Byakuya suppressed a sneer, deciding that the instinctiveness and force of his emotions were quite worrying and most certainly the result of his interaction with Renji, whom he realized, as he looked at the other man's grim features, would have hated this man immediately. The other's tight lips curved into something resembling a false smile and his orbs flashed and danced with a cunning gleam. At that moment, he felt severely tempted to adopt Renji's sentiment. Contrary to the redhead, though, he was well versed in the art of conversation.

"Then, may I remind you that the purpose of this meeting was to get to know each other, a goal, which I believe we have achieved already." He fixed the other man with his coldest gaze, signaling that he did not wish to be argued with before steering the conversation towards less delicate matters.

After a minimal amount of polite conversation, he determined that it was a perfectly acceptable time to retreat without consequently mortally offending the other party and he rose to his feet, causing all other parties in the room to scramble to their feet as well.

"I'm afraid you will have to excuse me now but feel free to remain in the manor for the night. Should you choose to do so, Shingi here will show you to your rooms." He gestured to his head servant, who had been kneeling just outside the door, calling him over with a short nod and stepping outside after another round of bows.

He had not taken as many as ten steps before he felt his aunt hurry after him, which was just as well since he'd planned to have a word with her anyway. He slowed his stride, allowing her to catch up to him at the far end of the corridor– a place that was distant enough that his other guests would not be privy to their conversation, but public enough that wouldn't afford them enough privacy for a deep, lengthy talk.

"Byakuya, dear, what was that about?" She huffed once she reached him, her tone reproachful and dangerously close to crossing the line.

He turned around, peering down into accusatory grey orbs. "I should be asking you the very same thing, my dear lady aunt," he countered coolly, watching as the woman expertly hid a guilty flinch– she _was_ his relative after all– and instead went on the offensive again.

"Darling, you didn't give that poor girl so much as a chance just now."

He felt the strong urge to tell her to leave him alone, which was another disconcerting notion, one of many tonight it seemed, but instead settled for regarding his lady aunt with a level stare. "I didn't see the necessity to do so," he replied truthfully.

"The necessity for politeness?"

"The necessity to pretend to want partake in something that I am not interested in doing." His aunt looked at him with eyes that reminded him all too clearly that this was exactly what the politics of nobility was about and suddenly, he felt very, very tired.

He must let something slip since his aunt's gaze softened. "I know you are a very busy man, my dear boy, but that shouldn't result in you losing sight of your own needs."

It was harder to suppress the anger this time. "I'm not."

He could make out the exact moment she grasped the meaning of what he'd said and all softness disappeared. "I'm speaking of a real relationship, a _wife;_ someone with whom you can share a fulfilled, consummated future with."

"I can assure you, it has been consummated." He was beginning to suspect Renji had begun rubbing off on him a little too thoroughly, but either way, he enjoyed his aunt's scandalized expression to its fullest before taking it for what it was: the perfect opportunity to escape.

He found his chambers empty upon arrival and the servant in charge of keeping an eye on it verified that nobody had entered it since he'd left, which didn't mean terribly much since Renji had taken to entering through the gardens.

He took dinner alone and when Renji still hadn't made an appearance by then; they'd added a shared dinner in his quarters to their routine since the servants had learned about them. He decided to search for the other man, his gut feeling telling him that something wasn't quite right.

\--

"Does there appear to be a problem?"

Renji almost jumped at the smooth voice and, out of the corners of his eyes, he saw auntie do the same. He'd been so distracted by the threatening conversation that he hadn't noticed Byakuya approaching at all. Now that the noble was here, he felt a wave of relief wash over him. The other man looked okay, tired as fuck but physically unharmed and not too traumatized.

"No problem at all, my dear," the other Kuchiki chirped, looking for all intents and purposes like she hadn't just been openly threatening Renji seconds ago. He had to hand it to her, she was one good actress.

The line between Byakuya's brows deepened. "I see," he said, voice liquid silk, the one he reserved for public interaction. His eyes flickered to Renji and, after an almost invisible nod on his part, flickered back to the woman currently hanging off his arm. Renji wondered if the other Kuchiki really couldn't see Byakuya's tenseness at her closeness or if she just didn't care. Both options were alarmingly likely.

He averted his eyes, not exactly keen on seeing some woman clinging to Byakuya, even if it was a relative, one that was old enough to be his mother too boot.

A small glimmer of silver was his only warning when the raven suddenly spun to the side, taking his aunt with him, but it didn't stop there. Suddenly, the air was _brimming_ with little blades, not quite the size of Senbonsakura but the message was there. And every single one of them was pointing towards Byakuya.

No communication necessary, Byakuya and him took up fighting stances on either side of his auntie and, together, they made short work of the incoming weapons.

Once he was sure no more blades would be coming, Renji chanced a glance over his shoulder to make sure that Byakuya was fine. The aunt seemed to be doing okay as well, with not so much as a scratch on her noble, pampered body.

That out of the way, what the _hell_ had just happened? It wasn't like blades came flying out of nowhere. Who had thrown them? Who was after Byakuya's life? His first suspicion was the aunt who had oh so conveniently been holding onto Byakuya, holding him _in place_ , but she was looking about as shocked as he was feeling and the attack had put her in harm's way as well. Also, until just now, she'd been claiming that she was doing what she was for Byakuya's good and hurling knives at him didn't really fall into that category, no matter how you put it.

So it had to be someone else, but who? And why attack the noble while he was with Renji? Why not wait until he was alone? The attacker had to be either pretty fucking confident in his abilities or just plain stupid. The picture of someone attacking Byakuya while he was all alone sent a cold shiver down his spine. He forced himself to get back to topic; Byakuya was anything but helpless, after all.

The blades hadn't been a Zanpakuto, they'd been normal blades, which meant that the attacker was either not a Shinigami and/or knew enough about them to be aware of the fact that regular weapons were harder to sense, unless you were specifically trained in such arts, making them less useful but not useless against high-level shinigami. But maybe he was going about this the wrong way and this had actually been more of a warning than an actual attack? That theory made sense considering how easily they'd deflected the weapons.

His speculations were interrupted by the baritone of Byakuya's voice, "Aunt, Renji, I take it you are unharmed?"

"I– I'm alright," auntie gasped, looking already much less pale and Renji begrudgingly gave her points for not being as fragile as she looked.

"Same here," he grunted, already back to eyeing their surroundings, especially when he heard footsteps draw nearer quickly.

"It's okay, it's only the servants," Byakuya said absently, which didn't reassure Renji one bit. Who said that it hadn’t been a servant that had attacked them just now? Only a sharp look in his direction got him to stand down when the servants came in sight and made him watch quietly as the noble briefly explained the situation and ordered for the area of the mansion to searched. Only once that was done with did the raven turn towards his aunt, respectfully nodding his head.

"I deeply apologize you had to witness this unfortunate little incident, dear aunt. I hope it won't impair the length of your stay here." Renji'd put money on the fact that Byakuya had been lying through his teeth on that last one, but he was too riled up right now to truly enjoy it. He noticed, though, that the noble didn't apologize to _him_ , and that shouldn't please him as much as it did.

His attention drifted back to the dark woods so that he missed dear auntie's reply and most of what happened afterwards. When he felt a light touch to his arm, he looked up and found himself alone with Byakuya.

"Come to bed?"

He nodded, tongue stuck in his throat with the latest events still whirling around in his head. Thankfully, Byakuya didn't seem to expect an answer and they made their way to the noble's bedroom in silence, Byakuya opting for Renji's usual route instead of the one leading though the front door, probably hoping to avoid any more interaction with anyone inside the house. Unfortunately, Renji would have preferred to get Byakuya inside some walls as soon as possible. Once there, instead of following the noble into the room, though, he stopped in front of the sliding door. A part of his brain pointed out how easy it'd be to sneak in in the middle of the night, but he ignored it.

"Sorry, I think I wanna take a quick look around, myself. Can't sleep well without at least havin' checked for myself, you know." He grinned at Byakuya, willing the other to understand that this was also about his past, and when the noble nodded, he flash-stepped away after having reassured himself that Byakuya was inside and as safe as he could be right now.

\--

After flash-stepping around the huge area of the mansion for a good hour, Renji was back at Byakuya's door. He hadn't found their attacker and going by the sounds all over the Kuchiki grounds neither had the staff.

He let himself inside, pretending not to see the little flinch the noble gave, before relaxing again when he recognized Renji. Despite already guessing what the answer would be, he asked, "Did they find the guy?"

Byakuya shook his head, stepping into Renji's open arms after having locked the door he'd just stepped through with a light Kido spell. "They didn't." And because he was a little shit, he added, "It could also be a woman, Renji."

Renji rolled his eyes and laced his hands together at the small of the noble's back, hunching over to rest his chin on the other's shoulder. "Ya know damn well what I mean." The small smile he felt against his shoulder did wonders at loosening the knots in his stomach he hadn't even realized were there. He sighed, rubbing his cheek against Byakuya's ear. It really wasn't fair that the other still smelled this good after a day of work, office duty or not. It was something he never managed, even on the not-so-rare-anymore occasion when he snagged the noble's soap.

After a few minutes, Byakuya freed himself and brought some distance between them. "You're still welcome to stay the night, though I'm afraid it won't be a particularly restorative one."

Renji snorted. "Like I'll let you out of my sight any time soon after that." He was actually kind of surprised the noble wasn't trying to get rid of him. The raven _did_ send him a sour look, though, since Kuchiki Byakuya didn't like to feel patronized. He ignored it in favour of concentrating on the renewed rage directed at their attacker. Byakyua managed to catch a scant few hours of sleep on a good night and after the kind of day he'd had today, he really needed all the rest he could get, but it looked like that wasn't in the books for now.

As if on cue, some servant came knocking on the door, informing them that they still hadn't managed to catch the culprit but that they were standing guard around his quarters and that the noble should thus feel reassured to retire for the night. Renji distantly noticed that the servants didn't even blink twice anymore when they saw him.

Once the servant had left, he watched as Byakuya– way calmer than Renji thought he had a right to be, given the situation– slipped out of his burgundy yukata with deep green swirls all around the middle and tied closed his sleeping gown. As always, the change took place too quickly for Renji to properly appreciate it, which, he was sure, was exactly the noble's goal, but it was enough for him to catch onto something.

In the heat of the moment, he hadn't thought about it, but, while he'd still had Zabimaru with him earlier, Byakuya hadn't been carrying Senbonzakura. Which meant he'd deflected the blades by hand and which explained the little cuts littering usually pale, elegant hands. Renji felt murderous.

Two long strides got him over to the where the noble was standing and allowed him to take one of the other's battered hands in his, lifting the limb closer to his eyes to inspect it. "I'll kill him," he said casually, tracing an especially deep cut.

Byakuya retracted his limb. "Don't make a fuss out of nothing, Renji," the noble said dismissively as he stared at Renji in disbelief.

"Nothing? Someone tried to take yer fuckin' life, Byakuya. That's not exactly 'nothing' to me."

"It's not a big issue," Byakuya insisted. "This was hardly the first time someone has tried to kill me, and it surely won't be the last."

Renji's jaw hit the floor. He turned, searching for his already abandoned clothes. "We gotta report this."

A cool hand wrapped around his wrist. "Nobody is reporting anything, Renji. There is nothing to report. This doesn't concern the Gotei, it is a matter between nobles and will, thus, stay as such." While he talked, there had been this hard, stubborn tone creeping into his voice that told Renji that there was absolutely nothing he could do to change the other's mind.

He exhaled, loud and frustrated. "You can't be fucking serious," he muttered, running his free hand down his face. How could he have missed that Byakuya was being targeted all this time? He'd been dating the man for fucking _years_ , for God's sake.

The noble hadn't wanted him to know, that's how. If the raven was good at one thing, it was hiding things. He groaned into his hand. Suddenly, he was feeling exhausted. He didn't fight to stay still when Byakuya tugged at the wrist he was still holding on to and drew him over towards the bed.

"I mean it, Renji, it is but a small matter. It doesn't concern you." Renji didn't bother to correct Byakuya and tell him that it _obviously_ bothered him now that he knew. How could it not? Instead, he reached out to fold back the blanket. "I've been targeted ever since it was determined I would be the next clan head, I'm used to it." Somehow, the way the noble's fingers around his wrist trembled ever so slightly made Renji unwilling to believe him. Experiencing something often and getting used to it were two very different things.

"They're not even particularly talented assassins," the raven added when they lay curled around each other on the huge, comfy bed, probably sensing that he was anything but convinced. Again, just because they weren't _good_ , didn't mean they couldn't get a lucky shot in if they tried long and hard enough, and it seemed like they were giving it a good go. He tightened his arms around Byakuya, ignoring the way the other stiffened at the action. Right now, he needed to hold the noble, to reassure himself that he was really here, safe and unharmed save for a few cuts.

For once, it was Renji that fell asleep last, lying awake for hours, listening to the noises outside with Byakuya breathing softly onto his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akiko means 'bright child', Daichi means 'great wisdom', Shingi is (hopefully) used in Japan to describe an honest, loyal person, someone you trust with your life.
> 
> Have a happy New Year, everyone!


End file.
